My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

[Queensidecas]

This is a truly epic thread consisting of excellent and sage advice from a large part of this forum community. Please preserve this thread for future consultation. My wife fully accepts that I CC (and quite likes it) but I still learned some good tips in this thread in regards to lines of logic used for this issue and the communication stratigies involved.

As far as the thread itself I have nothing to add because Grady said everything I would have and did so far more elegantly.

To add my own points and take perhaps a very unpopular and pollitically incorrect (I just dont care) stance on the issue, I will recommend as follows: I know that our modern culture frowns upon gender based roles but that doesnt mean they dont still exist. It is the DUTY of a husband and father to protect his family and ultmately his decision on how to go about it. The headship of the husband in the marriage relationship is going to have to prevail here. It is always bad when a wife seeks to undermine or usurp the responsibilities of the husband/father and equally as bad when the husband/father abrogates or abdicates his responsibilities. Whether you CC or not is not her decision to make. It would be much like if you invaded her area of responsibility for the children and started making decisions about what clothes to wear, when they will go to bed, what they are going to eat and so on.

I agree with many here and your own admission that there are other problems at the root of this issue but at some point when those are better resolved you are just going to have to step up and be a man and do what you have to do.

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[PastorPack]

From a pastor, this issue seems to generate a lot of heat but not much light in your marriage. I would get back to counseling posthaste and continue to work on the bigger issues. CC will be a minor one.

And for the record, I would listen to Limatunes. And I would also read a book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and apply.

+1! That is a great book--everycouple should read it!

My take is that this fight has zero to do with CC and everything to do with trust. Point blank, it sounds like you have very little balance in the ol' "trust bank."

For now I'd 1) keep your promise, and 2) begin to keep other promises.

The CC issue will likely work itself out in time. My wife was very uncomfortable with me CC'ing at first--to the point that it made her uncomfortable being out if she knew I was carrying. Now she tells me how glad she is that I'm packing and even shows some budding interest in someday getting her permit.

[nathan9493]

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't posted to this in a while. My wifes biggest concern is that some BG will see my gun and challenge me , getting myself and/or my children killed. She bases this on some old STUPID things I've done in the past, and justifiably so. I've come a long way since then, and I'm a few years older. She envisions all the scenarios a sheeple might. Out of respect and love for her I will not carry my G19. I am looking into carrying an ASP/Baton. Don't even start on me about that being a "LESS EFFECTIVE" weapon. I KNOW! But its better than nothing. CCing plain just scares her. Maybe she'll see my side some day. Pray for me if you do that kind of thing. Thanks

[ccw9mm]

My wifes biggest concern is that some BG will see my gun and challenge me , getting myself and/or my children killed. She bases this on some old STUPID things I've done in the past, and justifiably so. I've come a long way since then ...

Stupid you (and we) may all have been in the past, but her argument might hold even a drop of water if any examples of such a thing could be found.

A firearm on the hip isn't a likely reason to be challenged, at all. In 20yrs of reading about attacks and crimes of all sorts, I don't recall ever reading or hearing of such an incident as she describes.

Though, rapes, robberies, murders and the like occur quite frequently. THAT is what needs to be protected against, even at the risk of a near-non-occurrence such as having a BG feel that your firearm is something that needs to be taken off your person. That might well be a possible crime. But then, so is getting struck on the head by a meteorite.

Reality is, concealed carry is not something the average person is ever going to notice, anyway. That's the whole point. Open carry might be argued to be something else, in that regard, but even there it simply doesn't occur enough to make the statistics blip in the least. Not worth worrying about, IMO. "Reaching for straws," if you ask me. Sounds like progress is being made. Congrats!

[wkientz1]

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't posted to this in a while. My wifes biggest concern is that some BG will see my gun and challenge me , getting myself and/or my children killed. She bases this on some old STUPID things I've done in the past, and justifiably so. I've come a long way since then, and I'm a few years older. She envisions all the scenarios a sheeple might. Out of respect and love for her I will not carry my G19. I am looking into carrying an ASP/Baton. Don't even start on me about that being a "LESS EFFECTIVE" weapon. I KNOW! But its better than nothing. CCing plain just scares her. Maybe she'll see my side some day. Pray for me if you do that kind of thing. Thanks

Believe me I understand what you are going through. My neighbour across the road have guns, rifles, collectibles and etc. He even makes his own ammos. He goes shooting with his oldest boy, and all that etcs., but she never want her husband to get a CCW nor to even carry a gun, even in their house. One time he came over here for something or I think my husband invited him over. I can't recall the reason now, but amongst our conversation was that he was scared of being carjacked down his place of work especially during the dark. I think he negotiated his work hours so that he can come home earlier while there is still daylight in the afternoon.

I am praying for you and for him too and hope that nothing happens first for both his wife and yours before they can allow you to carry, even in the house for a start. Keep safe and stay safe.
.

[Carry LCR]

This reminds me of a bumper sticker I use to have.

"I got a gun for my wife...
Best trade I ever made"

Needless to say when I remaired she did not like that bumper sticker

[Cold Warrior]

Withhold candy, sex and Valentines; it works every time...not that it worked with mine.

[Jrod012889]

my wife wasnt into guns and didnt see the point of carrying until someone tried to break into our apartment now she is all for them and wanting a gun and has it picked out already. Maybe it will take something like that to happen to make her realize i hope nothing happens but some people just have to learn the hard way.

[TX-JB]

Just check your state laws... ASP Batons are illegal to carry in TX...

[nathan9493]

Just check your state laws... ASP Batons are illegal to carry in TX...

Already did. Spoke with Sheriff's dept here and consulted our state codes. Carrying for PD is OK and perfectly legal, BUT, if I'm ever arrested for ANY crime and I have it on my person, I'll be charged with possession of a dangerous weapon.

[C Bennett]

she sounds like a NUT..glad im not married to her. Actually if I knew my wife were like that id not be married to her :)

[Paymeister]

...BUT, if I'm ever arrested for ANY crime and I have it on my person, I'll be charged with possession of a dangerous weapon.

Hm. Since occasionally folks get arrested in error, this might actually bring MORE risk to the family than she would prefer. More so if you travel in circles which tend to result in unpleasant LEO contacts, or if you are a member of a frequently-profiled group. If that were the case, I would suggest starting with pepper spray and see if the concealed carry issue works itself out.

Here's an idea: you said that her concern was with a bad guy seeing your weapon and escalating things, right? You might offer to get a SmartCarry and a capgun and demonstrate to her that you can indeed carry for-reals concealed.

'Course if she's worried about you acting irresponsibly based on your own track record, you'll just need to suck it up and act responsible for ___ years: I'm kinda in that boat financially, and I really do understand.

And regarding the comments about your wife: yes, pay attention to the 'trust bank' and 'what else is going on' posts, but ignore the 'I would dump her' remarks: at this point (comfortable or not) you're married to her, and your job is to be the man and work though this issue. Looks like you're doing that: bravo!

Prayers are with you.

[violinjim]

I'm sorry to post this.

Man-up.

Take care of your family both financially and protectively and tell her you're carrying. Period.

It is both your duty and honor. And your wife should respect and revere you for it.

Jim

[Geno]

What violinjim said.

[nathan9493]

Hows this for a change of heart?

My wife just Text-ed me, asking me to show up at her work CCing when she gets off. Apparently a recently FIRED employee who was sexually harassing co-workers has now been following them out to their cars. He has been banned from the facility, but I guess they cant keep him out of the parking lot. I sent her two texts CONFIRMING that she wants me to CC. Both times she responded with capital letters YES. HHMM...funny how a possible threat changes ones opinion, isn't it?