This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by nathan9493 funny how a possible threat changes ones opinion, isn't it? You aren't kidding. Good for you (and her). It's a LOT ...
Nathan, now is a good time to take it cautiously. To be her rock. To help ease her into the simple change of thinking that can (in future) save her life. You're obviously trying to be all of those things.
It's not really a sea change in overt impact on a person's lifestyle, but it's a tremendous change on a person's basic thinking. And it simply requires seeing things as they are, not as one wishes them to be.
Reality bites. Too bad that she has to sample some of it.
And yet, reality is the best teacher. She's facing a sexual predator with a motive to strike, "dissed" by the company and likely very hateful of the people who work there. The threat is now, very much so, in her face. The ugly hell of it is, there are probably hundreds of such people in your city, with a dozen of them within a few miles of her on any given day, every day. Surprise.
She needs to pay attention to the entire lesson. Time to wake up and smell the coffee.
A few points of reality to consider:
- GUNS ARE NOT A THREAT, in the hands of an upstanding citizen. They are merely a life-saving, defensive tool to help a person stay alive in the face of a deadly threat.
- A firearm is little different than a spare tire, a hammer, a toaster. It's a tool for a specific purpose, for which there are no good alternatives.
- However, firearms are only a small part of the entire security package, when preparing a defensive posture and mindset.
- You can have any mistaken bias, presumption, prejudice or incorrect way of thinking about reality you choose, but it doesn't change reality: criminals exist; crime exists; anytime, anywhere, particularly for those with their heads in the sand who look and act like easy prey.
- Criminals operate on their own logic, and on their own schedule. One thing is certain: you are prey; but that doesn't mean you need suffer through an attack as a victim.
- When a potential deadly situation presents itself, you literally have one choice to make: survive it, or not. Pick one.
- Trying to survive with nothing but your pleas and whimpers is very difficult. It's far easier when you have a plan, have trained to that plan, have some tools on hand to rely upon.
- When you start to wonder why you should be armed, you must realize that you cannot use what you do not have with you.
- Without preparation, a plan and the appropriate tools, you are daring to risk your life on pixie dust (hopeful, wishful thinking with no substance or basis in reality). Reality is, criminals eat "pixie dust" for breakfast.
- In the world of crime, there are three labels frequently used to describe the type of "animal" involved: the wolf (criminal); the sheep (the unprepared victim); and the sheepdog (the person seeking to protect oneself, and possibly others, from harm). Pick one.
As I like to put it: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
Think about it. Better yet ... get her over here so that you both can think about it, and then develop a plan to fix it.
Last edited by ccw9mm; February 7th, 2010 at 11:00 AM. Reason: spelling
Bravo, cc29mm! Well put!
And nathan, for goodness' sake, do NOT do a Victory Dance or use the dreaded phrase, "I told you so"! Rather, be gracious and understanding, and protect your wife both from the bad guys AND from the bumps she's got to be having in rethinking some things.
Happy to hear that it's a threat, not an injury, that made the change.
CCW9MM I think you might have saved my marriage! Great advice! This is no time to do victory laps.
Sometimes all it does take is a situation to change things.
I'm glad to here that it was just a threat and not an incident that helped to change her mind, and that this will be the beginning of her accepting you carrying 24/7.
Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.
I'm glad to hear she's come around. Now you need to work on getting her to get a permit and carrying.
About a year ago my wife and I got into a heated discussion about some off topic and she threw in that she also wanted me to let her know when I was carrying concealed. I said "Okay". I've carried every day for the last two years, haven't told her a thing until this morning asking her what "issues and/or concerns" she would have if I "started" carrying. Same deal, just let her know and keep it on me. I'll start telling her, she'll get tired of my telling her and that'll be the end of that.
My view was and is if all it takes is my carrying concealed and not letting her know to cause a divorce, then there's no point in being together. My ability to protect the family trumps her getting angry.
Not everything in a marriage is 50-50. I would try to explain to her that this is not as big of a deal as she thinks it is. I would show her news articles of people being attacked in their own homes and also articles of people that were not harmed or worse because they were carrying. If none of that worked I would put this as one of those things I am going to do and you have no say in it and wait for here to say OK. I do not mean this in a bad way but there are just some things a man has to do. I am sure she will lighten up to the ideal over time. And you will owe her one when the time comes. Let's just hope it does not cost to much. :)
Man - this is a tough one, but as you said, you have already committed to end the carrying around her and the kids. A sensible conversation LATER might help, but the "tooth-paste" is out of the tube.
Someone suggested getting your wife involved in the forums here and slowly over time, she may begin to realize that this is about family security and not a threat to it.
You may want to do a google search for "Luby's Massacre" and read the story of the young woman who lost her father and mother that day while her decision to not carry still haunts her!
Granted, the likelihood of this ever happening to one us is remote, but I refuse to let my family be at the mercy of fate or a madman.
Last edited by CenterOfMass; February 7th, 2010 at 02:52 PM. Reason: spelling
I'm sorry that she has experienced the recent situation with the former employee. Now, build upon it in a humble fashion. Show her that you handle the responsibility in a mature manner. Perhaps she just wants to know when you are carrying. The thing is you never know when or where something may happen. It would be like driving without your seatbelt thinking that if you're about to have a wreck, you'll buckle it right quick. Proceed with caution and I hope it works out well for you.
Unfortunately, I have to terminate employment at times and it hasn't always gone smoothly. If someone has created their own circumstances resulting in losing their job, perhaps their career, family, etc. then they can potentially be in a dangerous state of mind.
Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.
"If everyone was allowed to carry guns, them hijackers wouldn't have no superiority. All you gotta do is arm all the passengers, then no hijacker would risk pullin' a rod."
- Archie Bunker
Hey, I said I was praying for you! Looks like God has been gracious in a variety of ways (either in protecting you from an explosion when you did that, or it guiding you away from my advice). Wishing you the best, of course...
All's well that ends well...or he who laughs last..didn't get the joke..take your pick
"Arms in the hands of individual citizens may be used at individual discretion..in private self defense." John Adams