This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by nathan9493 She then told me she has "MIXED" feelings about CCing, BUT, shes sees there "could" be a need. Nobody really wants ...
But criminals don't ask us what we want. They attack. And you either are able to defend, or not. It is that simple.
Carrying defensive, life-saving tools is about doing exactly that: deciding to be able to defend; deciding to survive attack; deciding to be able to go home that night, to family.
It's about doing it as simply, unobtrusively and cost-effectively as possible. It's not designed to threaten anyone or induce fear in anyone. It's just a response to the realities of the world: that criminals exist; that crime exists and might well find us; that the decision to survive and make it home has been made; that family and living is worth far, far more than a bit of minor discomfort on anyone's part.
It's that simple.
Kudos on the progress. Tell her you love her. Ensure that she knows this protection comes from the heart.
My first post - I'll try not to come off as an offending "troll" though I have to say posts by people calling the guy's wife a "fool" and telling him to "man up" are what have put me off from handgun ownership for so many years. It fits into the whole gun owner stereotype perfectly. It's also not a good sell to the wives you suggest to come read this site. ;)
I'm going through something very similar, although a more extreme case. I grew up around rifles and shotguns - there were always guns in my house, but up until 6 months ago, I'd never considered getting a handgun... ever. In fact, I was a proponent of the "I don't see the point" campaign.
We've started traveling more extensively by motorhome and given the lunacy in the world today, I don't like the idea of traveling unprotected anymore. I mentioned to my wife that I was considering getting a pistol. I don't think she took me seriously (given my previous anti-gun stance) and kind of shrugged it off, noting she doesn't like guns. I did a lot of research and as I have a 5yr old daughter to think about, safety was paramount to me. I ended up going with the Bersa 380 CC. I brought it home and mentioned it to my wife -- to say she "flipped out" would be an understatement. We actually separated for almost a week. I explained the rationale behind it and initially, she wouldn't hear of it at all. Finally, she calmed down and we made a compromise... I told her if she agreed to take the firearms training course with me and if she still felt as strongly afterwards, I'd get rid of the firearm. So, next week, we're taking the course and hoping for the best.
Let's be honest -- the chances of me (or any of us) ever needing it are relatively low. It's a sense of security and gives in to our instinct to protect our family - the reason I got one. At the same time, if my wife said "me or the gun" and I felt she meant it -- I can tell you for sure I'm not going to be sitting home alone on a Friday night with my Bersa and that's not going to keep them protected either. My wife doesn't put up with the cave-man declarations (I've tried! :D)
I give her credit for at least taking the course and going to the range. Hopefully it will work out, but if not, I tried. I'm not going to destroy my marriage or ignore her wishes in favor of pounding my chest on the off-chance I'll need it, god forbid.
To the OP - glad you're making progress. They always seem to calm down after a while. Good luck. :)
Prudent Man Rule. Never ask a question unless you know the answer.
For example, "Honey, how do you like my new pistol"?
"I give her credit for at least taking the course and going to the range. Hopefully it will work out, but if not, I tried. I'm not going to destroy my marriage or ignore her wishes in favor of pounding my chest on the off-chance I'll need it, god forbid."
You have to tell us how this comes out.........
The thing is, the ability to defend one's children, family and self against threats is one of the crucial abilities that adults must have ... else, what's the point of procreating.
It comes to this: blackmailing a divorce over having firearms or other life-saving defensive tools around is about control; and if successful it results in the inability to stop violence when it most matters, when life is on the line. That simply defeats the entire purpose of having loved ones.
My father's like that. A situation in which his life was directly threatened hasn't yet happened to him, thus he doesn't see why anyone needs to guard against crime in its entirety. Yet, whenever presented with the several examples of mutual acquaintances or friends who have been damaged by crime, or by the many examples in any daily newspaper, he's rendered speechless. There's simply nothing to say about a desire to go defenseless in this world, other than to recognize it for what it is: desiring to fail in the face of crime; desiring to not have the ability to protect our most loved and precious "possessions" in this world.... I was a proponent of the "I don't see the point" campaign.
Closed minds are an ugly thing. Particularly when there are children to think of.I brought it home and mentioned it to my wife -- to say she "flipped out" would be an understatement. We actually separated for almost a week. I explained the rationale behind it and initially, she wouldn't hear of it at all.
I have had nearly a dozen distinct instances in which I've been attacked, assaulted, burglarized or otherwise threatened in my life, any one of which could have turned deadly at the drop of a hat. If these things were to happen today, I'd assume several of them would be that bad. That's a situation every several years that could have gone sideways except for a chance few factors or timing or whatever.Let's be honest -- the chances of me (or any of us) ever needing it are relatively low.
Relative is the operative word. Add in the other loved ones in my family in terms of the number of engagements with potential criminals across our lifetimes and that amounts to a fair number, right there. That's in a family whose members are extremely upstanding, where the "lifestyle" factors should tip the scales toward the riskless end of the spectrum.
It's not about guns. It's about the ability to keep a family safe. It's about the whole array of preparations, mindset, and yes tools, that supports a cautious, defensive posture in this very dangerous world. It's not about guns. And to have a person make it about guns avoids the crux of the issue. It also avoids a serious implication about the position being taken, that a person is willing to blackmail a marriage and support of children over demanding the inability to protect and defend a family.At the same time, if my wife said "me or the gun" and I felt she meant it -- I can tell you for sure I'm not going to be sitting home alone on a Friday night with my Bersa ...
Yet she appears prepared to do so, for such a little (claimed) thing. That's a big indicator, right there.I'm not going to destroy my marriage ...
Evil exist in this world. And so much more than direct death threats can turn deadly. If it weren't for modern medicine, some experts estimate that crime rates (of those resulting in death) would many times what they are. In places such as the UK, Australia and others, many areas of violent crime are spiking badly. Meaning, the wool is pulled over our collectives eyes in more ways than one. No, a single gun doesn't matter much. But it's not about "guns," per se. It's about control over the ability to keep a family safe. And that is no small thing. Beyond food, clothing and shelter, it's the next most-important thing that exists in this life ... the ability to keep the family safe.
I'm all for alternatives, if they exist. But those who decry taking the obvious steps never have any effective alternatives to suggest. Until that day, simply closing the eyes to reality is a fairly poor "solution," if it can be called anything like that.
holeshot, much has happened with nathan9493 since the original post. You'll need to read the most-recent posts by him to understand where it has gone. The original post is merely where it started, some weeks ago.[/QUOTE]
Thanks, will do!
I agree with you, wholeheartedly on most of your points ccw9mm - which is why I purchased it in the first place. It's hard for me to fault her as unlike many here, I was just like her until recently. It's not a case of "she knew what she was getting into when we married."
She has legit concerns - namely the safety of our daughter. I think I've minimized the risk in that regard. I bought one of the safest guns on the planet and as I haven't yet gotten the CCW from the court, it remains in a LockSAF at all times for now... the fingerprint reader (I've programmed my finger about 7 different angles so it opens within a second or two no matter what) ensures nobody is going to get curious. When my wife comes around, I plan on speaking to my daughter about firearm safety - as I told my wife, I think it's critical she be aware of firearm safety, whether we actually have any or not. I don't think it would help the situation to go at it this second.
Every case is different. Again, in mine, I'm just coming around - I need to give her time to adjust. She's convinced I'm going to become a Rambo gun nut and acquire 75 guns - which I just have no interest in. I don't hunt. It's not a sport or even a hobby for me. To me, it's a self defense tool and nothing more. I have one and no plans to get others, except perhaps one backup down the line. If you knew my wife, you'd know there's no way around just giving her time. She's a hard sell, especially given all of the recent mass shootings, including the Appomattox, VA shooter (incidentally, about 20 mins from here) were all "upstanding" gun owners with CCW permits. In my mind, that's one of the things that pushed me over -- who would expect to go pick their kids up from a friend's house and have their family gunned down by some seemingly harmless nut? An eye opener for me. On the other hand, closed-minded goes both ways... I need to be able to see it from her perspective - which is easy, as I used to share her view. It's not an overnight thing and what a couple of you are suggesting -- flipping the "deal with it" switch is not how it works... not in my world anyway. ;)
By the way, ccw9mm - geez - you need to move or something if you've had your life threatened a dozen times. :D I've traveled the country AND used to live IN Detroit and have never once had my life threatened or even felt seriously threatened. Uneasy? Sure. Threatened, no. I can't say I've ever been in a situation where I felt I needed a firearm. but there is that whole "better to have it and not need it than not have it and need it" adage, which is what led me here.
By and large, this forum seems to be a great group of people. I don't think the "get a new wife" comments help anyone and only further the "crazy gun nut" image many have, but I do appreciate all of the info people have provided on here!
I'll be sure to post an update after the class next week.
Anyway more importantly, what about all your safety and well being for yourselves in a personal sense? My wife got it long ago! Maintain our lifes and safety. It is a life style and commitment style that needs constant, but not obsessive attension. It is called MAINTENANCE, just like how we treat our bodys and everything else we encounter every day. OK done. Good luck to you and your wife. It will work out..
Make no mistake, I'm NOT saying that's the norm and I DO recognize the good guys outnumber the bad, but it doesn't help my case.
Life was threatened three times. Once, it required drawing to deter a two-on-one attack at night in a parking lot. Twice, it was while unarmed prior to ever carrying. Each of these instances was multi-on-one, and the H2H incidents were ugly and bloody.
Nearly a dozen situations, though, were bad enough that one minor change could have sent each into the abyss. Only luck and the gods prevailed and kept them from going that way. Location, my looks, my SA, that part of town ... who knows what caused those cretins to single me out? I found few patterns, other than non-existent SA at the time. Thus, very little could be changed, as I had nothing to do with any of them, overtly, other than being caught alone in the parking lot (which doesn't exactly help the odds). As for most of the rest, I can only think that I once looked like a victim with my head in the clouds. I haven't for years, and my SA is 100x what it once was. Haven't had troubles since.
My thoughts exactly.but there is that whole "better to have it and not need it than not have it and need it" adage, which is what led me here.