My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? - Page 13

My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by nathan9493 She then told me she has "MIXED" feelings about CCing, BUT, shes sees there "could" be a need. Nobody really wants ...

Page 13 of 16 FirstFirst ... 3910111213141516 LastLast
Results 181 to 195 of 231

Thread: My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

  1. #181
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    27,402
    Quote Originally Posted by nathan9493 View Post
    She then told me she has "MIXED" feelings about CCing, BUT, shes sees there "could" be a need.
    Nobody really wants to carry. It's more weight, can get in the way, requires cleaning and maintenance, etc.

    But criminals don't ask us what we want. They attack. And you either are able to defend, or not. It is that simple.

    Carrying defensive, life-saving tools is about doing exactly that: deciding to be able to defend; deciding to survive attack; deciding to be able to go home that night, to family.

    It's about doing it as simply, unobtrusively and cost-effectively as possible. It's not designed to threaten anyone or induce fear in anyone. It's just a response to the realities of the world: that criminals exist; that crime exists and might well find us; that the decision to survive and make it home has been made; that family and living is worth far, far more than a bit of minor discomfort on anyone's part.

    It's that simple.

    Kudos on the progress. Tell her you love her. Ensure that she knows this protection comes from the heart.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.


  2. #182
    Member Array Timberline's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    87
    Quote Originally Posted by violinjim View Post
    I'm sorry to post this.

    Man-up.

    Take care of your family both financially and protectively and tell her you're carrying. Period.

    It is both your duty and honor. And your wife should respect and revere you for it.

    Jim

    Roger that, Jim! My first thought when seeing this thread was to say "put down your purse and grow a pair". When I was ready to get married I knew there were a number of issues that were 'dealer killers' for me. This is one of them.

  3. #183
    LLT
    LLT is offline
    Member Array LLT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    53
    My first post - I'll try not to come off as an offending "troll" though I have to say posts by people calling the guy's wife a "fool" and telling him to "man up" are what have put me off from handgun ownership for so many years. It fits into the whole gun owner stereotype perfectly. It's also not a good sell to the wives you suggest to come read this site. ;)

    I'm going through something very similar, although a more extreme case. I grew up around rifles and shotguns - there were always guns in my house, but up until 6 months ago, I'd never considered getting a handgun... ever. In fact, I was a proponent of the "I don't see the point" campaign.

    We've started traveling more extensively by motorhome and given the lunacy in the world today, I don't like the idea of traveling unprotected anymore. I mentioned to my wife that I was considering getting a pistol. I don't think she took me seriously (given my previous anti-gun stance) and kind of shrugged it off, noting she doesn't like guns. I did a lot of research and as I have a 5yr old daughter to think about, safety was paramount to me. I ended up going with the Bersa 380 CC. I brought it home and mentioned it to my wife -- to say she "flipped out" would be an understatement. We actually separated for almost a week. I explained the rationale behind it and initially, she wouldn't hear of it at all. Finally, she calmed down and we made a compromise... I told her if she agreed to take the firearms training course with me and if she still felt as strongly afterwards, I'd get rid of the firearm. So, next week, we're taking the course and hoping for the best.

    Let's be honest -- the chances of me (or any of us) ever needing it are relatively low. It's a sense of security and gives in to our instinct to protect our family - the reason I got one. At the same time, if my wife said "me or the gun" and I felt she meant it -- I can tell you for sure I'm not going to be sitting home alone on a Friday night with my Bersa and that's not going to keep them protected either. My wife doesn't put up with the cave-man declarations (I've tried! :D)

    I give her credit for at least taking the course and going to the range. Hopefully it will work out, but if not, I tried. I'm not going to destroy my marriage or ignore her wishes in favor of pounding my chest on the off-chance I'll need it, god forbid.

    To the OP - glad you're making progress. They always seem to calm down after a while. Good luck. :)

  4. #184
    Distinguished Member Array tiwee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Oz
    Posts
    1,708
    Prudent Man Rule. Never ask a question unless you know the answer.
    For example, "Honey, how do you like my new pistol"?

  5. #185
    Member Array nathan9493's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Port Orchard, WA
    Posts
    30
    Quote Originally Posted by LLT View Post
    My first post - I'll try not to come off as an offending "troll" though I have to say posts by people calling the guy's wife a "fool" and telling him to "man up" are what have put me off from handgun ownership for so many years. It fits into the whole gun owner stereotype perfectly. It's also not a good sell to the wives you suggest to come read this site. ;)

    I'm going through something very similar, although a more extreme case. I grew up around rifles and shotguns - there were always guns in my house, but up until 6 months ago, I'd never considered getting a handgun... ever. In fact, I was a proponent of the "I don't see the point" campaign.

    We've started traveling more extensively by motorhome and given the lunacy in the world today, I don't like the idea of traveling unprotected anymore. I mentioned to my wife that I was considering getting a pistol. I don't think she took me seriously (given my previous anti-gun stance) and kind of shrugged it off, noting she doesn't like guns. I did a lot of research and as I have a 5yr old daughter to think about, safety was paramount to me. I ended up going with the Bersa 380 CC. I brought it home and mentioned it to my wife -- to say she "flipped out" would be an understatement. We actually separated for almost a week. I explained the rationale behind it and initially, she wouldn't hear of it at all. Finally, she calmed down and we made a compromise... I told her if she agreed to take the firearms training course with me and if she still felt as strongly afterwards, I'd get rid of the firearm. So, next week, we're taking the course and hoping for the best.

    Let's be honest -- the chances of me (or any of us) ever needing it are relatively low. It's a sense of security and gives in to our instinct to protect our family - the reason I got one. At the same time, if my wife said "me or the gun" and I felt she meant it -- I can tell you for sure I'm not going to be sitting home alone on a Friday night with my Bersa and that's not going to keep them protected either. My wife doesn't put up with the cave-man declarations (I've tried! :D)

    I give her credit for at least taking the course and going to the range. Hopefully it will work out, but if not, I tried. I'm not going to destroy my marriage or ignore her wishes in favor of pounding my chest on the off-chance I'll need it, god forbid.

    To the OP - glad you're making progress. They always seem to calm down after a while. Good luck. :)
    LLT: Bets wishes to you and yours also. Hope you win her over...
    "If everyone was allowed to carry guns, them hijackers wouldn't have no superiority. All you gotta do is arm all the passengers, then no hijacker would risk pullin' a rod."

    - Archie Bunker

  6. #186
    New Member Array rbringh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    7
    "I give her credit for at least taking the course and going to the range. Hopefully it will work out, but if not, I tried. I'm not going to destroy my marriage or ignore her wishes in favor of pounding my chest on the off-chance I'll need it, god forbid."


    You have to tell us how this comes out.........
    Bob
    Bersa 380
    CZ 75B

  7. #187
    New Member Array holeshot27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    2
    Quote Originally Posted by nathan9493 View Post
    So here it is:

    Yesterday I get ready to go to the range. I suit up with my new $25 holster, put my G19 in it and my double mag holster on my other side. Walk around the house the getting ammo, range bag etc. ready to go. The entire time my wife does NOT notice I'm carrying. I put on my jacket and we BOTH go to the range. A good time is had by all. Upon leaving I re-holster my weapon. I hand my wife the range bag and she goes to the truck while I return the badges to the range office. When I come out, she asks me is the gun loaded, believing its in the bag. I tell her its not in there and I flip up my jacket to reveal it. She says "I didn't know you had it on you". I told her that was the whole idea of CCing. On the way home she gets so mad at me for carrying that she starts crying in anger(a very bad sign). She says I took the choice of being around me while doing that away from her by not telling her. "If you want to get yourself killed when your BY-YOURSELF, thats your choice, but not around me and our children" she says. It only gets worse from there. She is convinced that I'm "Ramboing" by CCing and "looking for trouble" and that I'll get my kids or her killed if I CC. She is willing to divorce me if I insist on CCing around her and my kids.

    I've learned a lot on these sites. 1) You never know when you'll REALLY need the protection. 2) Be willing more than normal to walk away from a confrontation when you can...Of course theres much more, but those are relevant for this discussion.

    What can I do? I really need help with this one. I promised to not CC around the family, and I won't. But I really feel the URGENT need to CC.
    Thats out of hand! Get a new wife! She seems a bit irrational.

  8. #188
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    27,402
    Quote Originally Posted by LLT View Post
    ... posts by people calling the guy's wife a "fool" and telling him to "man up" are what have put me off from handgun ownership for so many years. It fits into the whole gun owner stereotype perfectly.
    Yeah, such comments are pretty snotty. Like most knee-jerk reactions, they completely ignore the point: which is, control. It ain't about guns.

    The thing is, the ability to defend one's children, family and self against threats is one of the crucial abilities that adults must have ... else, what's the point of procreating.

    It comes to this: blackmailing a divorce over having firearms or other life-saving defensive tools around is about control; and if successful it results in the inability to stop violence when it most matters, when life is on the line. That simply defeats the entire purpose of having loved ones.

    ... I was a proponent of the "I don't see the point" campaign.
    My father's like that. A situation in which his life was directly threatened hasn't yet happened to him, thus he doesn't see why anyone needs to guard against crime in its entirety. Yet, whenever presented with the several examples of mutual acquaintances or friends who have been damaged by crime, or by the many examples in any daily newspaper, he's rendered speechless. There's simply nothing to say about a desire to go defenseless in this world, other than to recognize it for what it is: desiring to fail in the face of crime; desiring to not have the ability to protect our most loved and precious "possessions" in this world.

    I brought it home and mentioned it to my wife -- to say she "flipped out" would be an understatement. We actually separated for almost a week. I explained the rationale behind it and initially, she wouldn't hear of it at all.
    Closed minds are an ugly thing. Particularly when there are children to think of.

    Let's be honest -- the chances of me (or any of us) ever needing it are relatively low.
    I have had nearly a dozen distinct instances in which I've been attacked, assaulted, burglarized or otherwise threatened in my life, any one of which could have turned deadly at the drop of a hat. If these things were to happen today, I'd assume several of them would be that bad. That's a situation every several years that could have gone sideways except for a chance few factors or timing or whatever.

    Relative is the operative word. Add in the other loved ones in my family in terms of the number of engagements with potential criminals across our lifetimes and that amounts to a fair number, right there. That's in a family whose members are extremely upstanding, where the "lifestyle" factors should tip the scales toward the riskless end of the spectrum.

    At the same time, if my wife said "me or the gun" and I felt she meant it -- I can tell you for sure I'm not going to be sitting home alone on a Friday night with my Bersa ...
    It's not about guns. It's about the ability to keep a family safe. It's about the whole array of preparations, mindset, and yes tools, that supports a cautious, defensive posture in this very dangerous world. It's not about guns. And to have a person make it about guns avoids the crux of the issue. It also avoids a serious implication about the position being taken, that a person is willing to blackmail a marriage and support of children over demanding the inability to protect and defend a family.

    I'm not going to destroy my marriage ...
    Yet she appears prepared to do so, for such a little (claimed) thing. That's a big indicator, right there.

    Evil exist in this world. And so much more than direct death threats can turn deadly. If it weren't for modern medicine, some experts estimate that crime rates (of those resulting in death) would many times what they are. In places such as the UK, Australia and others, many areas of violent crime are spiking badly. Meaning, the wool is pulled over our collectives eyes in more ways than one. No, a single gun doesn't matter much. But it's not about "guns," per se. It's about control over the ability to keep a family safe. And that is no small thing. Beyond food, clothing and shelter, it's the next most-important thing that exists in this life ... the ability to keep the family safe.

    I'm all for alternatives, if they exist. But those who decry taking the obvious steps never have any effective alternatives to suggest. Until that day, simply closing the eyes to reality is a fairly poor "solution," if it can be called anything like that.


    Quote Originally Posted by holeshot27 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by nathan9493 View Post
    ... She is convinced that I'm "Ramboing" by CCing and "looking for trouble" and that I'll get my kids or her killed if I CC. She is willing to divorce me if I insist on CCing around her and my kids.
    Thats out of hand! Get a new wife! She seems a bit irrational.
    holeshot, much has happened with nathan9493 since the original post. You'll need to read the most-recent posts by him to understand where it has gone. The original post is merely where it started, some weeks ago.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  9. #189
    New Member Array holeshot27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    2
    holeshot, much has happened with nathan9493 since the original post. You'll need to read the most-recent posts by him to understand where it has gone. The original post is merely where it started, some weeks ago.[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, will do!

  10. #190
    LLT
    LLT is offline
    Member Array LLT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    53
    I agree with you, wholeheartedly on most of your points ccw9mm - which is why I purchased it in the first place. It's hard for me to fault her as unlike many here, I was just like her until recently. It's not a case of "she knew what she was getting into when we married."

    She has legit concerns - namely the safety of our daughter. I think I've minimized the risk in that regard. I bought one of the safest guns on the planet and as I haven't yet gotten the CCW from the court, it remains in a LockSAF at all times for now... the fingerprint reader (I've programmed my finger about 7 different angles so it opens within a second or two no matter what) ensures nobody is going to get curious. When my wife comes around, I plan on speaking to my daughter about firearm safety - as I told my wife, I think it's critical she be aware of firearm safety, whether we actually have any or not. I don't think it would help the situation to go at it this second.

    Every case is different. Again, in mine, I'm just coming around - I need to give her time to adjust. She's convinced I'm going to become a Rambo gun nut and acquire 75 guns - which I just have no interest in. I don't hunt. It's not a sport or even a hobby for me. To me, it's a self defense tool and nothing more. I have one and no plans to get others, except perhaps one backup down the line. If you knew my wife, you'd know there's no way around just giving her time. She's a hard sell, especially given all of the recent mass shootings, including the Appomattox, VA shooter (incidentally, about 20 mins from here) were all "upstanding" gun owners with CCW permits. In my mind, that's one of the things that pushed me over -- who would expect to go pick their kids up from a friend's house and have their family gunned down by some seemingly harmless nut? An eye opener for me. On the other hand, closed-minded goes both ways... I need to be able to see it from her perspective - which is easy, as I used to share her view. It's not an overnight thing and what a couple of you are suggesting -- flipping the "deal with it" switch is not how it works... not in my world anyway. ;)

    By the way, ccw9mm - geez - you need to move or something if you've had your life threatened a dozen times. :D I've traveled the country AND used to live IN Detroit and have never once had my life threatened or even felt seriously threatened. Uneasy? Sure. Threatened, no. I can't say I've ever been in a situation where I felt I needed a firearm. but there is that whole "better to have it and not need it than not have it and need it" adage, which is what led me here.

    By and large, this forum seems to be a great group of people. I don't think the "get a new wife" comments help anyone and only further the "crazy gun nut" image many have, but I do appreciate all of the info people have provided on here!

    I'll be sure to post an update after the class next week.

  11. #191
    VIP Member Array bsnow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    2,258
    Quote Originally Posted by rbringh View Post
    "I give her credit for at least taking the course and going to the range. Hopefully it will work out, but if not, I tried. I'm not going to destroy my marriage or ignore her wishes in favor of pounding my chest on the off-chance I'll need it, god forbid."


    You have to tell us how this comes out.........
    You are correct you tried and we all give her the credit for doing that. I could go on but not now except this. You go and buy a brand new car, truck, whatever. I just did new truck. What kind of maintenance will be required to maintain that new truck for a very long time? It is ongoing for ???
    Anyway more importantly, what about all your safety and well being for yourselves in a personal sense? My wife got it long ago! Maintain our lifes and safety. It is a life style and commitment style that needs constant, but not obsessive attension. It is called MAINTENANCE, just like how we treat our bodys and everything else we encounter every day. OK done. Good luck to you and your wife. It will work out..

  12. #192
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Near St. Louis, Missouri
    Posts
    2,837
    Quote Originally Posted by LLT View Post
    She's a hard sell, especially given all of the recent mass shootings, including the Appomattox, VA shooter (incidentally, about 20 mins from here) were all "upstanding" gun owners with CCW permits.
    We must be reading different news articles.

  13. #193
    LLT
    LLT is offline
    Member Array LLT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    53
    Quote Originally Posted by grady View Post
    We must be reading different news articles.
    We probably are. LOL The Appo shooter had a CCW (was renewed in January) -- it was signed off by the Chief of Police for Liberty and the AG that's now prosecuting him.

    Make no mistake, I'm NOT saying that's the norm and I DO recognize the good guys outnumber the bad, but it doesn't help my case.

  14. #194
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    27,402
    Quote Originally Posted by LLT View Post
    By the way, ccw9mm - geez - you need to move or something if you've had your life threatened a dozen times.
    Not what I had said.

    Life was threatened three times. Once, it required drawing to deter a two-on-one attack at night in a parking lot. Twice, it was while unarmed prior to ever carrying. Each of these instances was multi-on-one, and the H2H incidents were ugly and bloody.

    Nearly a dozen situations, though, were bad enough that one minor change could have sent each into the abyss. Only luck and the gods prevailed and kept them from going that way. Location, my looks, my SA, that part of town ... who knows what caused those cretins to single me out? I found few patterns, other than non-existent SA at the time. Thus, very little could be changed, as I had nothing to do with any of them, overtly, other than being caught alone in the parking lot (which doesn't exactly help the odds). As for most of the rest, I can only think that I once looked like a victim with my head in the clouds. I haven't for years, and my SA is 100x what it once was. Haven't had troubles since.

    but there is that whole "better to have it and not need it than not have it and need it" adage, which is what led me here.
    My thoughts exactly.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  15. #195
    VIP Member Array 9MMare's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Outside Seattle, WA
    Posts
    3,309
    Quote Originally Posted by LLT View Post
    I
    She has legit concerns - namely the safety of our daughter.

    9MMare: but she's only objecting to you carrying, not 'owning,' not keeping one in the house, correct? So how can your carrying put your daughter in jeopardy? She cant get her hands on it if it's on you.
    ___________________________________

    Edit: Sorry, I think I got this part mixed up with the OP. If so, I apologize. It did sound like you had made a responsible choice for locking up the gun.


    Every case is different. Again, in mine, I'm just coming around - I need to give her time to adjust. She's convinced I'm going to become a Rambo gun nut and acquire 75 guns - which I just have no interest in. I don't hunt. It's not a sport or even a hobby for me. To me, it's a self defense tool and nothing more.

    9MMare: I hope that you change your mind about this. Just IMO. But I've seen you doing more posting now, and perhaps you are getting the idea that (responsible) CC demands training....isnt it hard to devote the time and energy required to acquire the skills necessary if you really arent interested? (Believe me, this surprised me too....an enormous amt of law and responsibility to learn, and ongoing training for skills, to have a reasonable expectation of success if I should ever need to use my gun...and I've ended up really enjoying shooting! I hope you will too.)

    She's a hard sell, especially given all of the recent mass shootings, including the Appomattox, VA shooter (incidentally, about 20 mins from here) were all "upstanding" gun owners with CCW permits.

    9MMare: Has she met you? Do you have any mental issues? Does she have concerns over YOU flipping out? What reason can she possibly have that you will attempt such a thing? If anything, your gun may be the ONLY thing between you and safety if you & your family should ever find yourselves in that type of situation. Otherwise, you are defenseless.
    Good luck sir.

    ...
    Fortune favors the bold.

    Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.

    The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. CCing the Beretta 92F
    By Risque007 in forum Defensive Carry Guns
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: February 15th, 2013, 03:14 AM
  2. First LEO Encounter while CCing
    By jelliott24 in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: April 16th, 2010, 03:18 PM
  3. Another LEO encounter while CCing!
    By Gunnutty in forum Carry & Defensive Scenarios
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: September 14th, 2009, 07:08 AM
  4. My CCing trip to MI
    By elkhunter in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: August 10th, 2009, 05:28 PM
  5. First time ccing and had to use gun
    By XD9sc in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: August 29th, 2008, 03:07 PM

Search tags for this page

ccing yourself
,
mixed feelings on my home beig invaded
,
my wife is against m
,
my wife is against me concealed carry
,
sheeple guncrank
,
whatidoformywoman.tumblr
,
why is my wife against me
,
why is my wife against me all the time
,
why is my wife so against me
,

wife against concealed carry

,

wife doesnt want guns in the house

,
wife is against concealed carry
Click on a term to search for related topics.