My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?
This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Wow.
Look you made the promise so make sure to keep it until you can convince her that you aren't "Rambo" looking for a shoot ...
January 30th, 2010 12:33 AM
Look you made the promise so make sure to keep it until you can convince her that you aren't "Rambo" looking for a shoot out.
January 30th, 2010 12:39 AM
Good detective work Stanislas!
Another question I have is about your URGENT need (your words) to cc. Do you have other issues going on too?
I am having a really hard time seeing the tears erupting over just this if she is a person that goes to the range.
January 30th, 2010 01:23 AM
I think you guys nailed this one,It sounds to me like you are making decisions without asking her opinion or letting her in on your thought process.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
January 30th, 2010 01:28 AM
No issues to worry about. I just remember all the times in my life where others have threatened me. Fortunately, they left me alone after changing their mind. Part of it is that I'm 6'4" and 300lbs. Very stocky. Most of the time its "little man syndrome", where some guy wants to fight the big guy or just some crazy looking for a fight.
Originally Posted by cammo girl
As for "our" issues: Yes we've had problems in the past. I took away many of her choices. You all present valid observations. Marriage counseling was involved and I continue to work on my Character flaws. But nothing in the way of violence or anything. All in all, we both agree that we have a better marriage. I'm hoping for more of a discussion given some time.
"If everyone was allowed to carry guns, them hijackers wouldn't have no superiority. All you gotta do is arm all the passengers, then no hijacker would risk pullin' a rod."
- Archie Bunker
January 30th, 2010 01:34 AM
Went thru this with my wife over 10 years ago. My wife knew I was a ex leo and legal to carry with permits. She pushed the issue to the point we cancelled our wedding. During most of the heated discussions it was all emotion and uninformed. At the time I was driving a truck and doing training for several security companies. She decided she wanted to go out in the truck for and over night run. Low and behold she found out why I carried when she was accosted by some fine upstanding citizens at where I was delivering. Long story short she got a crash course in self defense. I can now say she has her CCW and just got her own Ruger 327 Mag and is quite happy with it. It took the incident of her almost becoming a victim to learn.
January 30th, 2010 01:46 AM
I haven't exactly gotten my wife on board, but this has definitely helped. Maybe it will help you. Simply ask her:
If we get into #this# situation, what is our plan?
What this has done to my wife is make her think, and get stumped. The obvious answer is, "I will tell you to get away from me while I get my gun out and shoot him." Wrong answers include, "Run," "Turtle," "Let them do whatever they want," as those answers conclude in your family getting killed.
If the guy has a gun and he's willing to pull it on you, absolutely nothing tells you he is not going to kill you. It is better to be armed and be able to defend them than to be defenseless and get everyone killed. In harsher terms, if it is between one child getting killed and everyone getting killed, which is better? Sad situation to analyze, but we know what the answer is.
What has largely done it for my wife (although I'm admittedly still working on it) is: what happens if someone breaks into our house? What is our plan? We don't have one, we can't have one, and we're absolutely defenseless against a person with a gun or even a knife. Possibly even an unarmed but strong man, as I'm not exactly the strongest person in the world.
Many things can go wrong in this world, but you can do one thing to protect yourself: get the means. That means the gun and the TRAINING to go along with it. If you can show her you have the training and that it's advantageous to them for you to carry, it will go a long ways to her acceptance.
January 30th, 2010 01:47 AM
I'm in the exact same boat! And it's sinking!
Originally Posted by nathan9493
January 30th, 2010 01:57 AM
You might want to talk about it in terms of your responsibility to protect your family and yourself. Then if she agrees thats your responsibility, then you can just say that you will find and use the tools that you need for that responsibility.
My guess is that she has watched a lot of movies and TV where guns are almost used in a bad way by bad guys. I know - I was like that when I was younger. But now I realize they're just tools. And they can be good tools for defense by good guys.
Also - maybe you should try to keep it concealed as much as possible. My wife is alright with it now, but initially it helped to keep it covered 100%.
January 30th, 2010 02:00 AM
You describe yourself as a large guy, yet people have threatened you. People wanting to fight you because of "little man syndrome"? Or some crazy looking to fight you? Do you get into bar fights or something? Just because you're a big man doesn't mean everyone wants to fight you. I know a lot of big guys and people don't seem to want to fight them, little man syndrome or not.
Originally Posted by nathan9493
No offense, but do you get into fights with other men that often? Are you hot headed by chance? Do you have an aggressive personality? Perhaps due to your past behavior your wife has reasons for you not to carry. After all, she knows you much better than any of us on an internet forum ever could. You took away her choices? Do you have any control issues?
January 30th, 2010 02:44 AM
Hope this helps some...
One thing that I have seen on youtube.com is some police cam videos of how some people act areound LEO's. There are some really scary where the officer should have pulled his weapon and shot. Insead he got lucky, called in officer down, taken to the hospital before death got to him! Mind you these type of videos can be used as demonstration aids once your wife cools off.
My wife is a psychatrist, and just last night she said that it is amazing. The state will put one in the hospital, however, will not require the patient to take medication for delusions! These people can be walking around with any type of weapon, knife, screw driver, hammer, ax, ect. I have told her that is why I carry at random times.
Mind you, once there is a threat to her life, she has no choise, I will be carrying, PERIOD! I will finally leave you with this quote that I found, I am sorry I dont remember where I got it but I think that it is a great way to express why one carries.
Why I Carry A Gun
I don't carry a gun to kill people.
I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
I don't carry a gun to scare people.
I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.
I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid.
I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil.
I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I hate the government.
I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry.
I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.
I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone.
I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed, and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy.
I carry a gun because, when I die and go to heaven, I want to be a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man.
I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.
I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it.
I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.
Police Protection is an oxymoron. Free citizens must protect themselves.
Police do not protect you from crime, they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.
If Guns kill people then all of mine are defective!
My idea of gun control is using BOTH hands!
Permits in: ND (resident), CT, UT, FL, AZ & MN
North Dakota Concealed Carry Instructor
NRA Certified Pistol Instructor
January 30th, 2010 02:57 AM
show your wife the fire extinguisher in the kitchen...explain to her that you hope it never needs to get used but is a tool that could save a life or your home...
show your wife the spare tire in your vehicle...explain to her that you hope it never has to be used but its nice to know the option is there if its needed...
show her your life and homeowners insurance policies....self explanatory...
now tell her that there are plenty of bad people in this world and that as unlikely as it seems it could happen to you that it is not an imagined fear...and being helpless in a situation where yourself or family could be hurt would make it hard for you to deal with knowing you could have been better prepared...
my wife had a hard time when i purchased pepper spray for her and was alittle less than enthused when i first started carrying...as she reads more in the papers and has heard about some animal attacks in our neighborhood she has come around quite nicely...after 30 years of marriage she went to the range with me and our 9 year old daughter for the first time last week...i believe it wont be long before she has a firearm of her own...and she is a great shot!...along with our daughter...who performed very well with a rifle and handgun...
January 30th, 2010 04:04 AM
Have your wife go to Cornered Cat You should read it to. It covers just about everything a woman should know about self defence. You should read the part of safe handling of firearms around children. This site will open her eyes on CC and protecting her self and the kids.
January 30th, 2010 05:19 AM
I was looking for answers similar to yours but so far....???
Originally Posted by Patti
I'm with you here, girl...I've done quite a few dramas like this in my youth...
Bill and Izzie: Proud parents of a soldier.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
January 30th, 2010 06:40 AM
A few things stand out here to me.
The "You took away her choice" thing really bothers me. It's not her choice, it should be a decision that both of you make. I think she is more bothered by the fact that you didn't include her in that decision, or at least let her know in advance.
As far as the threats of divorce and the waterworks, that is nothing but drama, pure and simple and like Patti said, I'll bet she's bluffing.
As others have mentioned, there might be something else bothering her, and this incident just brought it to a head. Talk with her, when she is rational and explain why you want to carry, let her know about the evil in the world and your responsibility to protect her and the children is she won't take on that responsibility herself.
I get the impression that she controls you or at the least wants to, if you can't do things with her permission.
For my husband and I, we don't give each other permission to do things, we talk about things we want to do and why. In 19 years of marriage there has never been an instance of "you can't do that" or "you better not". There have been some conversations including offering reason, but there have never been tears or threats of leaving involved.
Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.
January 30th, 2010 07:13 AM
I think Silo has some good advice here.
Originally Posted by silo
You already agreed not to carry but there's nothing that says she can't change her mind.
Talk to her. Run scenarios. Include her in this part of your life as you do (I hope) in the rest of your life. Marriage is team work and if you keep running off doing your own thing of course she's going to feel like she not only has any choice but also no say and therefore no respect.
Keep going with the marriage counseling.
I don't know about this. This could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Originally Posted by Rugergirl
If there are other issues in the marriage (which Nathan admits to) this could be that one last thing that the wife puts her foot down and says, "I've put up with X, Y, Z, A, B and C. But here is where I draw the line."
I have heard of people divorcing over a lot lesser issues than concealed carry. Everyone has a breaking point and, personally, my breaking point would be if I told you I was going to divorce you over and issue and you went ahead and did what I told you I would divorce you for just to "call my bluff."
That would show an INCREDIBLE lack of respect for me, our marriage and everything that is SUPPOSED to be held sacred in a marriage like trust and intimacy.
Water works and bluffing or not, if you value your marriage you won't attempt to call that alleged bluff.
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