Hm. Blackmail and ultimatums. Never a good thing, in a relationship. Almost certainly, it goes far, far deeper than merely over a metal-and-plastic object in your hip. Getting to the root causes of that should be the goal, IMO. And that's something you won't get over the internet.
Ideally, you'll come to understand her fears and objections to firearms, and why your having them or carrying them is such a burden on the family.
Ideally, you'll come to understand where her resentment comes from, and what is really allowing her to obliterate an entire marriage and family.
Ideally, she'll come to appreciate that preparations for the well-being, safety and security of the family comes from love, and that the minor chance of risks due to having defensive capability inside the home are far outweighed by the benefits of having the capability. But, this might be a stretch. Hope for it, sure. But, whether you get this far will be largely up to her intelligence, her willingness to be open-minded (which is in serious question, right now), and her willingness to concede a legitimate point (that your preparations on behalf of the family come from love and concern, and that they're reasonable steps).
I'd suggest marriage counseling, if it's this deep and ugly. A weekend chat might well not fix much, if so.
This is a lesson for us all. If anyone doubts whether the anti-gunners are playing for keeps, consider this situation and how it plays for keeps. It's seemingly willing to destroy marriages, relationships, families over the point.