My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? - Page 5

My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by JerryM I realize that some will claim that they are going to protect her and the family regardless, but if you are ...

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Thread: My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

  1. #61
    Ex Member Array Deanimator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I realize that some will claim that they are going to protect her and the family regardless, but if you are apart, how are you going to protect anyone?
    At least if you're not around, you don't have to stand by helplessly and WATCH it.


  2. #62
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    Sometimes a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do.

    It is the mans responsibilty to protect his family.

    For that to happen, you must have the proper tools and the mindset to use them.

    The first thing I would do is help her to understand that.
    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


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  3. #63
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    Let your wife know that you are the servant leader of the family and it is your responsibility to protect and defend the family, including CC'ing. Make the sacrifices necessary, while CC'ing; never drink alcohol, avoid locations that don't allow CC, walk away from the slightest provocation, and always safeguard weapons in the home. Show her that you are doing this for the family and not out of a perceived sense of power. She will come to change her mind.

  4. #64
    Distinguished Member Array Guardian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIGguy229 View Post
    I recommend you look at the posts above and re-evaluate. This isn't the first time folks on this site have come across this question/issue/circumstance in their life...and I have yet come across a marriage counselor who recognized the value of personal safety IRT a firearm (because they are all evil ). We have several pastors on this board, include a few who have posted on this thread...plus the perspective of several women who understand.

    While I agree the advice you get here is what you pay for, I think some credit is due. The advice here isn't all "biased"

    v/r
    I hear Sig, really I do, but I'm sorry, pastors, preachers and such are just that religious and spiritual leaders in their own sense (in my view), but marriage counselors usually are trained for specifically for marriages without the religious and spiritual aspects of it, that's what makes them effective in my view.

    He asked for a view and I gave him mine, it served me well for 20 and a war, I'll stick with it.

    P.S. I waited to remarry after I retired and this wife loves guns, so I'm good to go now LOL.
    "I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger" Mencius"

  5. #65
    Senior Member Array youngda9's Avatar
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    I agree with Grady 100%...there are some things that you just don' compromise on.
    Speak softly, and carry a big stick.

  6. #66
    Member Array Old Marine's Avatar
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    If you only do the things your wife agrees to you won't have a whole lot of fun in life! She won't divorce you...if this is the real issue. As a general rule after a while you can't run them off with a stick!
    Most people go through life wondering if they made a difference. Marines don't have that problem! Ronald Reagan

  7. #67
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    Being divorced For the last 42 years.... This is for you guys(or gals for that matter) that haven't been married yet. Make a list of things that you do, or might like to do, and use it when you meet someone, no since wasting your time getting with the ones that won't work out in both of your favor's.
    Chinese Proverb:
    "When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others."
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  8. #68
    Member Array Crucible's Avatar
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    The ladies here know drama when they see it; I'd bet they are right too as in my experience, many women with no firearm experience have a tendency to react (negatively) emotionally to the subject of firearms (my own mother was this way too), especially when surprised with them. Armado's advice is wise to that end too, and there's a wealth of related info on that Cornered Cat link already posted (that Kathy Jackson is one insightful woman!).

    But, I'd also like to add that if the "D" word comes up this quickly as was relayed in this thread, there's other underlying issues happening in this marriage that have nothing to do with CCW, and its worth firguring out what those are so they can be worked on.

    Good luck.

    C-

  9. #69
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    Haven't read other replies, but a couple of points that may have already been said:

    -If my wife reacted that way to me carrying a gun, I wouldn't carry. I wouldn't promise never to do it, but I'd agree not to do it for now unless there was a specific threat for which I thought I'd need it.

    -Your wife does have the right to make choices for herself, which includes the right to leave you if you engage in behavior she thinks is dangerous to her and your children.

    -Even though training isn't required to CC in WA, I think everyone should have the proper training before carrying a gun in public (General Defensive Handgun @ Insights Training Center is a great class available in your area). What training do you have?

    -Situational awareness and mindset are much more relevant to keeping yourself and your family safe than carrying a gun. A gun in addition to proper SA and mindset is an added +. It is okay to not carry a gun.
    A traffic ticket is formal recognition of a lapse in situational awareness.

  10. #70
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    You've had enough advice, so I'll just add that it took my wife over 3 decades to completely adjust to my CCW 24/7 (except at work).

    One minor point...
    In 38 years of marriage we have discussed/argued over a variety of items/scenarios, but in all those situations, I have always refused to negotiate my/our family HD/SD ability. It was never up for discussion...period! She knew that any threats over that issue would have to be upheld...I wasn't giving up my RKBA!
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  11. #71
    Distinguished Member Array Guardian's Avatar
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    I just wanted to add to Sig and any others here, it's not that I'm saying she's right, not by a long shot, if you are under that impression, my point has been missed, just want that clear.
    "I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger" Mencius"

  12. #72
    Distinguished Member Array GunGeezer's Avatar
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    What's significant here is that she used the "D" word. She must be thinking about it. My 1st. wife started saying things like, " if I could afford it, I'd leave." On the day of our 25th wedding aniversary she left. She said no to counciling or talking to a minister. Two weeks after the divorce, she re-married. There's more here than CC going on. If you can't get her to talk about it, tell her how much you're going to miss her.

  13. #73
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    But, I'd also like to add that if the "D" word comes up this quickly as was relayed in this thread, there's other underlying issues happening in this marriage that have nothing to do with CCW, and its worth firguring out what those are so they can be worked on.


    Exactly so. Whatever is wrong has nothing to do with guns. Trust, respect, communication, teamwork, core goals of the team, and probably a few other major elements of the relationship have some severe flaws or problems. A few of these don't exist, at all, IMO, if threats and blackmailing is occurring. Time for relationship expert, of sorts. It's going to take some work, and it'll only work if you both have a commitment and desire to fix it.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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  14. #74
    Senior Member Array stanislaskasava's Avatar
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    I've just remembered a situation which I seem to encounter nearly every time I go fishing. My interpretation of it might relate to your original post.

    It starts off with me finding a fishing spot with nobody else around -- I usually prefer to fish alone. Everything goes well for about an hour and I am really enjoying the peace and quiet. Then... a family shows up. A husband and wife and their children. They settle about 150 feet away and start to fish and the kids are having fun and it's just another day in paradise...

    Fishing is the husband's hobby, so he's busy helping the kids and using technical terms and generally enjoying himself. The whole trip was his idea. Invariably, after <30 minutes, the wife gets bored, starts smoking a cigarette or pacing or trying to occupy her time. The message that she is bored out of her gourd just isn't getting through to the husband, so she kicks it up a notch or two and pretty soon loud words are exchanged.

    I always have to leave at this point because the only thing worse than fishing next to strangers is fishing next to a domestic squabble. It happens every time.

    Why? Because she hates fishing, she has always hated fishing and being anywhere near a fishing pole for more than a minute takes her to the precipice where she must balance on her tippy toes to keep from falling in. As if a man accompanies his wife while she samples perfumes at Macy's and the next stop of the day is the fabric store.

    One partner is thoroughly enjoying themself, while the other is exhausting all of their resources in order to be a team player. One little push could send them over the edge into saying things that they normally would not say.

    Is it possible that your wife does not actually enjoy going to the range? Is it safe to assume that it was your idea? Is it conceivable that she only agreed to go to the range in an effort to please you? Maybe she said some things that she really didn't mean.

    On the other hand, if your carrying actually distresses her to the point of divorce, no matter what mood she is in, I think you ought to stop for a while. I have my own strong feelings about God given rights, but I really think that avoiding the immediate disaster of a divorce should be a priority. Even if it's a bluff, calling it now would probably be destructive.

    While carrying a firearm might be the most practical means of self defense in the year 2010, there certainly are other things that you can do to increase your overall survival quotient. 6'4"/300 pounds? Drop 50. Get into fights in the past (someone else speculated)? Learn when to go home and when to not be there in the first place. Et cetera.

    I think that you first need to establish with your wife that you are not an irresponsible Rambo. If you were, show her that you have changed. Then, after a year or two, establish that firearms do not shoot themselves. Explain to her the rules of gun safety and stick to them. Then, the sheer practicality of a firearm on your person and the reality of 'anytime, anywhere'.

  15. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by stanislaskasava View Post
    As if a man accompanies his wife while she samples perfumes at Macy's and the next stop of the day is the fabric store.

    One partner is thoroughly enjoying themself, while the other is exhausting all of their resources in order to be a team player. One little push could send them over the edge into saying things that they normally would not say.
    I am now trying to clean up the lemon-lime tea with honey from my keyboard. Just the THOUGHT of bring the husband to the FABRIC STORE. Oh lord.

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