My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by HotGuns Sometimes a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. It is the mans responsibilty to protect his family. For that ...

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Thread: My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

  1. #76
    VIP Member Array Harryball's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HotGuns View Post
    Sometimes a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do.

    It is the mans responsibilty to protect his family.

    For that to happen, you must have the proper tools and the mindset to use them.

    The first thing I would do is help her to understand that.
    +1 However.... Im a hard headed S.O.B I didnt ask my wife that i was CCing I told her. It was a mistake. I have worked it out since, but my wife wasnt as mad as yours.

    You love your wife, shes the women that bore your children. If she is over controlling maybe a long talk is in order. No one other than yourself can tell you what to say, you must bring it from the heart and let the chips fall. I have a feeling you will be ok. The only words I can tell you to use is "Honey Im sorry I didnt tell you, We need to talk" I wish you the best of luck
    Don"t let stupid be your skill set....

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  3. #77
    Distinguished Member Array JerryM's Avatar
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    HI Grady,
    {“What would you rather do: please your wife, or be able to protect her, the kids, and yourself if you are attacked by intruders who are either armed or superior in numbers or fighting abilities?
    If you or your family are attacked while you are unarmed, it is probable that you will be able to do neither.”}

    I do not accept the premise that those are the only alternatives. The odds of being attacked are 1 in many 100,000nds, while the odds of having disharmony in the home maybe to the degree of divorce are 100%. The trauma to the family and especially the kids is horrific.

    I see the alternatives as making my wife happy, and taking the chance that the one in 100,000 will not overtake me. Evidently the OP’s wife does not object to guns in the house only CC.
    I have never known anyone who was attacked or had a forcible home entry. One’s lifestyle is a large factor in whether or not you are likely to need to use a firearm in SD.
    The few instances where I know of someone getting attacked involved gangs, and people who run with gang members and think they will not be impacted. I do know of two young women in that category who were killed by boyfriends. Their parents were nowhere around so CC would not have prevented the murders.

    I would rather have years of a good marriage, and get killed someday (We would go to Heaven) than to have a bad marriage and probably divorce.


    {“If my wife gave me such an ultimatum, I would tell her to contact a lawyer. And I'd mean it.”}

    You obviously place your safety and guns above your wife. I do not. I do not build my life around guns or carrying them. It is your safety you are concerned about as if a divorce were to take place you could not protect her and the kids. I would be more worried about them than my own desires and pride. Probably a part of your statement is pride related.

    In my opinion too many take marriage too lightly. That is evidenced by the number of divorces, and statements like, “If she/he doesn’t like it we will find a lawyer.”
    There are hundreds of times more divorces because of pride on one or both partner’s part than those that get shot.

    Did anyone notice that the Bible says for the husband to hold his wife up and honor her, and to sacrifice for her as Christ did for the Church?

    So overall I reject the premise that failure to carry has a high probability of danger to whoever you are with or even yourself if you use your head as to where and when you go out.

    I guess we will just have to disagree on this. Is the first time?

    One more note. Protection of the family is not the highest priority or there would be few if any missionaries; many of whom have lost their lives because of violence or disease.

    Regards,
    Jerry

  4. #78
    Member Array nathan9493's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Extreme Defender View Post
    I'm in the exact same boat! And it's sinking!
    Dont take this the wrong way, but, wanna share a dingy?
    "If everyone was allowed to carry guns, them hijackers wouldn't have no superiority. All you gotta do is arm all the passengers, then no hijacker would risk pullin' a rod."

    - Archie Bunker

  5. #79
    Member Array nathan9493's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LM2024 View Post
    You describe yourself as a large guy, yet people have threatened you. People wanting to fight you because of "little man syndrome"? Or some crazy looking to fight you? Do you get into bar fights or something? Just because you're a big man doesn't mean everyone wants to fight you. I know a lot of big guys and people don't seem to want to fight them, little man syndrome or not.

    No offense, but do you get into fights with other men that often? Are you hot headed by chance? Do you have an aggressive personality? Perhaps due to your past behavior your wife has reasons for you not to carry. After all, she knows you much better than any of us on an internet forum ever could. You took away her choices? Do you have any control issues?
    LM,
    NO I do not get into fights. The last time was in grade school. Its just that I've had a few small guys fallow me into parking lots and such. As for being aggressive, no. My mother was a "turn the other cheek" person, and I learned this to a fault. I got some therapy and learned to stand up for myself, but it did take some time to balance out. I did one day a few years back get into "it" with a guy at Wal-mart. But it was not a fist fight and i walked away. I've always let people run over me. That has changed , but I've found a happy, STABLE medium.
    "If everyone was allowed to carry guns, them hijackers wouldn't have no superiority. All you gotta do is arm all the passengers, then no hijacker would risk pullin' a rod."

    - Archie Bunker

  6. #80
    Member Array nathan9493's Avatar
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    Update:

    My wife actually brought up buying another firearm. She knows I want a .45 to go w/ my 9mm. I used that opportunity as an ice breaker and started to ask her about some sketchy situations that have happened to her and how she would have felt if she had a firearm to protect herself and our kids. She did some self examination at that point and told me that she isn't ready to kill someone if she needed to. If our kids were threatened she said she could do it in a heartbeat. I then asked her if the situation required that she run with the kids would they be able to keep up. She said "no". I saw the the change of thinking begin . A chip in her armor has been exposed. I left her to think about that for a while. I say this about her with all due respect, She is PMSing bad right now. So a little at a time.

    As for the divorce threat...shes using that to emphasize her point. I felt no threat from this as shes done this for years. It is a bluff. But it does show me how serious she is. We both love each other very much and have been thru hell in out marriage and know theres not much that would destroy it now. SHes wanted to take classes with me, so I'll use that to help her with this. Another poster on OCDO suggested she talk to Gila Hayes and Kathy from Cornered Cat at Firearms Academy of Seattle(where I've already taken classes), to get there input. I think thats an AWESOME idea.
    "If everyone was allowed to carry guns, them hijackers wouldn't have no superiority. All you gotta do is arm all the passengers, then no hijacker would risk pullin' a rod."

    - Archie Bunker

  7. #81
    Member Array BurgDog's Avatar
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    She might be concerned that the gun will turn you into a Mr Hyde in a social conflict situation as opposed to your normal avoid conflict if at all possible Dr Jekyll personality. Getting into a shootout with bullets flying with her and the kids there is her possible fear and she might see this MORE likely with you carrying.

    You might have given her some reason in the past to be concerned about this in your personality. Or maybe she is projecting her thoughts on how she fears she might behave on you.

    When I took my concealed carry course one take-away from it is a much greater appreciation in how important it is to avoid any situation where a gun might be used. Possibly some indication that you are LESS likely to get in a conflict situation when carrying a gun (if true that is) might be persuasive.

    There is a lot of background propaganda disseminated by the gun banners that guns cause personality changes in those that carry them. This is not an uncommon belief.

    This may be why:
    YouTube - Goofy motormania
    Last edited by BurgDog; January 30th, 2010 at 08:05 PM. Reason: add example video

  8. #82
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    “If my wife gave me such an ultimatum, I would tell her to contact a lawyer. And I'd mean it.”
    You obviously place your safety and guns above your wife.

    I place trust, respect and honor above all, in a relationship. Threats and ultimatums of the sort being discussed have no place in a healthy relationship. If they exist or can be made to, great; otherwise, a healthy relationship doesn't. It ain't about the guns, or any other object or thing. Those can all be worked out, if the relationship has a core.

    Which is the real issue in the OP's relationship. It's question mark as to whether it has a core, a bottom on which firm pillars can be built. Perhaps so. Perhaps not. That is what needs to be found, and fixed. The guns aren't really the big issue. I'd bet that guns wouldn't be an issue at all, were the real problems to be resolved.

    We should call Oprah. This is gettin' deep. Or, at least, we're gettin' deep into somethin'.


    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
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  9. #83
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    I've been divorced 11 yrs, so don't listen to me on that one. Wait, maybe you should.

    My daughter said she didn't like to be around me when I CC. I told her "fine", don't be around me then. Period.

    Then she worked the last few years in the medical section of the jail. Now her comments are "you ARE CARRRYING aren't you ? ". Yes, always do. Her : "Good.... oh, by the way will you help me get my license ?".

  10. #84
    Ex Member Array Deanimator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I do not accept the premise that those are the only alternatives. The odds of being attacked are 1 in many 100,000nds, while the odds of having disharmony in the home maybe to the degree of divorce are 100%. The trauma to the family and especially the kids is horrific.
    There are other alternatives... just not EFFECTIVE ones.

    Anti-gunners aren't anti-self-defense. They're anti-EFFECTIVE-self-defense.

    I don't know about you, but if I could tell when and where I was going to need a gun, I'd be in a different time and place. If you have that ability, you're a better many than me or anybody else in this forum. Of course I don't believe you do either.

    My mother lives in the next suburb over from where 6 women were shot execution style in a Lane Bryant clothing store. Should people avoid Lane Bryant clothing stores in Tinley Park, Illinois? Or just Lane Bryant clothing stores? Or clothing stores in general?

    Come on, help a brother out.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I see the alternatives as making my wife happy, and taking the chance that the one in 100,000 will not overtake me. Evidently the OP’s wife does not object to guns in the house only CC.
    Evidently she only wants to be kidnapped, raped and murdered OUTSIDE the home.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I have never known anyone who was attacked or had a forcible home entry. One’s lifestyle is a large factor in whether or not you are likely to need to use a firearm in SD.
    And I have.

    You mean like the "lifestyle" of shopping at Lane Bryant or attending classes at Virginia Tech?

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I would rather have years of a good marriage, and get killed someday (We would go to Heaven) than to have a bad marriage and probably divorce.
    I'm an agnostic. I believe that letting somebody murder you accomplishes nothing but decrementing the population by 1. Of course if your family is there when you allow yourself and them to be murdered (and raped), it decrements by 1+1+n, where n stands for the number of children.

    You must REALLY like being married if you'd prefer to be murdered (and your wife raped and murdered) to divorce.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    You obviously place your safety and guns above your wife.
    You mean he places his and HER (and their children's) safety over his wife's irrational prejudices. I quite agree with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    In my opinion too many take marriage too lightly.
    I certainly take it far more lightly than I take being murdered and watching my loved ones murdered... and worse.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    Did anyone notice that the Bible says for the husband to hold his wife up and honor her, and to sacrifice for her as Christ did for the Church?
    As I said, I'm an agnostic. I used to be a Catholic before I gave it up for Lent. In twelve years of Catholic school, I don't recall a single reference to being required to let yourself be murdered, and your wife and children to be sexually assaulted and THEN murdered.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    So overall I reject the premise that failure to carry has a high probability of danger to whoever you are with or even yourself if you use your head as to where and when you go out.
    Once again, tell me how I can know when I'm going to be robbed or murdered and my loved ones robbed, raped and murdered. Is it really as simple as avoiding Lane Bryant stores and Virginia Tech... and Amish school houses, and your own home in an upscale neighborhood in Connecticut, and Luby's, and McDonalds, and...

  11. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by AZ Husker View Post
    I love the single life!
    Take her to this site I have posted below, and if she cannot rationalize in her head why it's a good idea TO carry,, see husker's quote above


    Click here to try and convince her

    The Armed Citizen

    Click here to get an online divorce

    DIVORCE FORMS CHEAP & EASY PAPERS | UNCONtestED DIVORCE FORMS ONLINE | FREE DIVORCE ADVICE FORMS

    What da heck,

    I got no use for this



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  12. #86
    VIP Member Array Patti's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nathan9493 View Post
    Update:

    My wife actually brought up buying another firearm. She knows I want a .45 to go w/ my 9mm. I used that opportunity as an ice breaker and started to ask her about some sketchy situations that have happened to her and how she would have felt if she had a firearm to protect herself and our kids. She did some self examination at that point and told me that she isn't ready to kill someone if she needed to. If our kids were threatened she said she could do it in a heartbeat. I then asked her if the situation required that she run with the kids would they be able to keep up. She said "no". I saw the the change of thinking begin . A chip in her armor has been exposed. I left her to think about that for a while. I say this about her with all due respect, She is PMSing bad right now. So a little at a time.

    As for the divorce threat...shes using that to emphasize her point. I felt no threat from this as shes done this for years. It is a bluff. But it does show me how serious she is. We both love each other very much and have been thru hell in out marriage and know theres not much that would destroy it now. SHes wanted to take classes with me, so I'll use that to help her with this. Another poster on OCDO suggested she talk to Gila Hayes and Kathy from Cornered Cat at Firearms Academy of Seattle(where I've already taken classes), to get there input. I think thats an AWESOME idea.
    Your making some head way!!!

    I would suggest that you show her how to field strip and clean the gun.

    When it's laying on the table in pieces, it doesn't seem so formidable.

    It is a tool. A self defense tool.

    No more and no less.

    It is not an evil object.

    I wish you all of the luck in the world.

    Divorce is very ugly (and I'm speaking from experience).
    Socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance and the gospel of envy. — Winston Churchill

  13. #87
    Senior Member Array paul45's Avatar
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    I don't know why anyone would be on this forum if they did not support defensive carry. If you don't beleive it will happen to you, great but leave the supporters of personal defense alone!!!!
    "Being PARANOID is just plain smart thinking when they are really out to get you!"

  14. #88
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    You obviously place your safety and guns above your wife.
    You are obviously wrong, as usual when you address me on this issue.

    I'm too tired to address this with you fully. I just spent the evening with my wife (the one you don't think I care much about ), and I'm on my way to bed now.

    You always espouse how low the odds are of something bad happening. Try espousing that to the good doctor from Cheshire, and he'll spit in your face if you're lucky.

    If the day ever comes where those odds catch up to you, we here at DC will never hear about it. You'll just disappear. If some thug comes into your house and catches you not carrying, which is likely based on your posts, then he'll have his way with you and your wife and you likely won't be able to stop him. If you end up dead, we'll never hear how it happened.

    You want to lecture me on the Bible? Haha. I already know your interpretation of Jesus' command to his disciples to be armed is faulty. I remember your comments that Jesus really didn't mean what he said.

    Poppycock! He meant what he said. And now you throw Bible verses out! Haha, have you noticed this is a defensive carry forum, and not a religious forum?

    Take your religious lectures somewhere else. Your insistence on miniscule percentages, along with your view that Christ didn't mean what he said, don't lend much to your credibility IMO.

    I'll read the rest of your post tomorrow after I've had some sleep.

    I should have known you'd come in and criticize my point of view. As I expected.

  15. #89
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    Jerry,

    You usually single out my posts on this issue for criticism.

    Are you jealous of me having the strength to make an unpopular decision and go with it?

    That's what leaders do. They don't lower their standards, especially when it increases the danger to those entrusted to their care, just because the decision may be unpopular.

    I'll continue to lead, thank you. You can follow your wife's lead if you want.

    You have much to learn about the lives of others. You obviously know little about my life and my marriage.

  16. #90
    Member Array aikidoka's Avatar
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    I would be worried that an ultimatum came up already. A good friend said relationship by ultimatum does not work out. I wish you luck.

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