My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

[JerryM]

Where we differ, guys, is that I realize that we play the odds in most things in life. If the roads are coated with black ice the odds of an accident are greater than if they are dry.
I stay home unless there is some overriding reason that I would have to drive on those roads.

In most things we do consider the trade offs, and make decisions accordingly.
If I were so afraid that my wife was going to be attacked when she went to the mall, I would not let her go alone.
If I were afraid that a gang might attempt a home invasion, we would be elsewhere if possible.

But I see so many who are willing to get a divorce, in contradiction to the promises you made when you took the marriage vows, just so that you can carry a gun. Don't pretend that you are willing to break up your family to "protect" them. It is just pride that a wife is not going to tell you what to do. You would do that even though broken homes are so traumatic to all and especially the children at whatever age.

If you are so afraid of going out without CC do you go where it is illegal just so you can feel protected? Or do you not go anywhere that you cannot carry? I guess you never go into a government building.

Some of you are kidding yourselves as to how dangerous the world is.
Milllions of people live their lives without ever needing to defend themselves from force.

But each will do as he will. I have made my choices, and stand by them. The choices we have made have resulted in a lifetime of happiness and satisfaction. I would not trade that for some imagined danger that would make disharmony.

I have said what I needed to say, so will bow out of this thread.

Regards,
Jerry

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[edclacro]

I have had the same problem. You just have to tell her that this is the way it's going to be. Man Up.

[JerryM]

Jerry,

You usually single out my posts on this issue for criticism.

Are you jealous of me having the strength to make an unpopular decision and go with it?

That's what leaders do. They don't lower their standards, especially when it increases the danger to those entrusted to their care, just because the decision may be unpopular.

I'll continue to lead, thank you. You can follow your wife's lead if you want.

You have much to learn about the lives of others. You obviously know little about my life and my marriage.

I missed this post so will respond.
I am the one who is most often on the outside here. I don't worry who has what position, and don't try to remember.
I don't single out anyone, but just consider a situation and state my position.

I and my wife will be led by Christ and His Word, and not by people who think they know more that He does. It sure has worked for over 55 years.

I just make a judgment about your post when you say, "“If my wife gave me such an ultimatum, I would tell her to contact a lawyer. And I'd mean it.” .
That is a shallow love, not a self sacrificing love that God tells us we are to have for our wives.
So this is my last post on this thread.
Who knows we might agree someday.

Regards,
Jerry

[ZombieShoot]

I've been divorced 11 yrs, so don't listen to me on that one. Wait, maybe you should.

My daughter said she didn't like to be around me when I CC. I told her "fine", don't be around me then. Period.

Then she worked the last few years in the medical section of the jail. Now her comments are "you ARE CARRRYING aren't you ? ". Yes, always do. Her : "Good.... oh, by the way will you help me get my license ?".

She learned. Once they get into the jail their eyes get opened very wide.

Everyone thinks it's nothing but gangbangers with tattoos out the yin-yang in jail but there are a whole lot of people who if you put in civilian clothes you would never know. Especially the psych ones.

You don't know who are standing next to in line at the supermarket. It could be someone who hasn't taking his meds for a few weeks and now has that little voice in his head saying you're his next meal ticket.

That's why I carry now. It's not the gangbangers that worry me. They are easy to spot. It's all the ones who look normal outside of jail.

Incidentally the wifey is not anti-gun but she's not pro-gun either. I thought she would give me more grief over CC but it hasn't happened yet. Probably saving her powder for a special day.

Fortunately since I've worked in the jail I've got loads of stories of officers being attacked/threatened along with loads of stories of home invasions and a couple of incidents I've had outside of work. It would also help if I got a smaller gun then the big ole'Glock 22. I need a Glock 27 or 36.

[BugDude]

We have the right to keep and bear arms...its not a requirement. If Grady chooses to exercise his right, so be it. If Jerry chooses not to, that's his right too.

The bottom line is speaking in terms of absolutes and ultimatums is not healthy for any relationship whether it is spouses, friends, or family.

In my case, I'm sure more listening and less talking on my part would make my life easier. At home, I also have the right to remain silent...just not always the ability.

[Zach and Holly]

Wow, that is awful. It is just complete ignorance on her part, she can't help it. My wife and I are both special education teachers and are never without our firearms. I only throw that in there because it always seems like anti-gunners are shocked that a teacher would ever carry a firearm. I guess it will take an act of violence against her, or her children for her to get a real wake up call...ask her if her children were being kidnapped from their bedroom window and a gun magically appeared next to her, would she use it to save her children? If she says yes, she is a complete and utter hypocrite. All of us on this site are simply preparing for that inevitable moment.

The real question is if she is willing to listen. After hearing all of your reasoning, and perhaps reading responses on here, if she still has the same opinion, then so be it. It will take an act of great violence and the feeling of pure helplessness and terror upon you and your's.

[ccw9mm]

Where we differ, guys, is that I realize that we play the odds in most things in life. If the roads are coated with black ice the odds of an accident are greater than if they are dry.

I stay home unless there is some overriding reason that I would have to drive on those roads.

"Staying home" in life isn't a workable solution, when life encompasses all that's inside and outside the four walls. The overriding reason is: living. You either choose to do it with the ability to defend, or not.

It's not a threat to family members; rather, it's quite the opposite. It's not a "life of guns" at the expense of the marriage; rather, it's a simple realization that preparation against emergencies requires basic tools. The REFUSAL to accept such simplicity for what it is, the REFUSAL to consider it anything but a propaganda ploy and a threat to the family ... now that is something worth fighting, because that gets in the way of the joint goal of protecting the family.

I believe that's what Grady and others mean when speaking of such things. It's certainly what I mean, when I attempt to thwart the misconceptions and misunderstandings about my posts on this matter.

I just make a judgment about your post when you say, "“If my wife gave me such an ultimatum, I would tell her to contact a lawyer. And I'd mean it.” .

That is a shallow love, not a self sacrificing love that ... we are to have for our [spouses].

If the point and goal of a marriage is a healthy relationship, then sacrificing its health isn't a worthwhile step toward achieving a good one. Such a "funeral" pyre consumes the relationship itself, when that is the sacrifice.

Again: It's not about guns. It's about the unwholesome and hateful breach of trust and respect indicated by such a demanding, autocratic position of ultimatums and threats of that sort. "Shallow?" Pointless and Destructive might be more accurate.

Update:

[I asked] her about some sketchy situations that have happened to her and how she would have felt if she had a firearm to protect herself and our kids.

That's on the road to salvation, right there.

That on the road to realization that your twin goals are the same: protection of the family against all threats ... "foreign" and "domestic." ("Foreign," as in outside threats that can destroy the children, the family; and "domestic," as in self-induced threats to the relationship that each spouse brings to the table, unwittingly or not.)

Congratulations on the first "baby" steps toward redemption of the quality core of your relationship.

She did some self examination at that point and told me that she isn't ready to kill someone if she needed to.

There's a huge difference between being comfortable with doing it, as opposed to being able to do it if necessary. The only folks really "comfortable" with it are murderous felons devoid of soul. And yet, there are very few who wouldn't do whatever is required in order to erase legitimate deadly threats from our midst, particularly when that threat has targeted our children.

If our kids were threatened she said she could do it in a heartbeat.

That's exactly what I'm talking about. At some point, nearly everyone is prepared to do what's necessary in order to ensure the safety and well-being of the family.

Paradoxically, that is exactly what you (the OP and spouse) are both trying to achieve. IMO, that's the key to the solution.

I then asked her if the situation required that she run with the kids would they be able to keep up. She said "no".

In a situation so catastrophic that it's essentially "everyone for himself," the kids would fall behind and be consumed by the kidnapper, rapist, murderer. In a situation where one refuses or is flatly unable to defend, that's a fair description of what would happen.

Hell of a thought, to realize one's refusal to be prepared could kill your kids. "But I did it for you, honey." A lot of good that'll do, at that point, unprepared as you both are for the tides of life to consume your family with a "rogue wave." What a waste, when such simple changes in mindset can change everything.

I saw the the change of thinking begin .

And that's how simple it is.

It's not about "guns."

Instead, it is about the point of the exercise (marriage): the health and well-being of the children and the family.

The way through the problem is to realize you both have that goal at heart, and that absolutely nothing should get in the way of your joint ability to erase threats to the children and the relationship.



Congratulations on reaching that first milestone. With competent guidance and help, it'll be a simpler road than you might suspect.

Shes wanted to take classes with me, so I'll use that to help her with this.

Another poster [suggested] she talk to Gila Hayes and Kathy [Jackson] to get there input.

Training separately might be the best thing, at this initial phase, given the severity of the differences in thinking, and to get the woman's point of view. It will probably be less threatening, for your wife.

This is a great idea. These two women (Gila and Kathy) are both exceedingly knowledgeable and perceptive a few hours with them will be time exceptionally well spent.

When I first started with gaining a defensive mindset, I navigated this mine field of questions largely on my own. I desperately needed a knowledgeable person at that time, to assist. Didn't have one. And yet, I got there all the same. The questions are hard, at first. But the core problems are really pretty simple. With guidance from perceptive people, it can be a mindset acquired in a weekend, more or less.

I'd suggest giving Gila a call and letting her take it from there.

Give my regards and thoughts of respect and admiration to your wife. I know how hard these questions are, and how much it can take out of a person to come to grips with the questions and the simple realities.

[Censored]

Maybe it's time for a new wife?

Save yourself years of grief. You both need to agree to disagree. If she can live with your decision, fine. If not, you can. There are way too many underlying conflicts here. It may take a lifetime to work them out and by the time you are happy with each other, you are too old to enjoy it.

[Deanimator]

If I were afraid that a gang might attempt a home invasion, we would be elsewhere if possible.

"Elsewhere" that NEVER has home invasions?

Where's that? The gold vault at Ft. Knox? The moon?

I'm still waiting for you to tell me HOW you can tell when you're going to be in danger at any given time or place. If other people besides you have that ability, how come so few of us seem to use it? Why didn't the women in that Lane Bryant go to Dress Barn instead? Why didn't the parents of those Amish kids send them to Catholic school that day?

As I said before, help a brother out. Sharing is caring.

[brian2070]

My wife was also aginst it until we were aproached in Detroit (while driving to a Tigers game)...A black male opend her door at a stop light and asked for money. Before she could reply, HE HAD A 9 MM GLOCK IN HIS FACE....NO SHOT FIRED BUT MADE MY WIFE A TRUE CPL FAN....
KEEP THE FAMILY SAFE

[GM]

I am sorry about your problem. I cannot say more than be yourself and do what you believe is right.

[Rugergirl]

Hmm, something is bothering me about a few posts in this thread and I have to comment.

The "it's a mans job to defend his family" bothers me. It is each persons responsibility to defend themselves and the family.

I have "woman upped" and taken responsibility for myself, my husband and our daughter. Sure I know that when he is home and armed he will play his part of the team. But when he is at work and I am home alone or home with my daughter, I take on that responsibility. In public, alone or with either or both of them I still take that responsibility very seriously.

For those who's wives won't or don't carry, you darn well should, and all the while encourage her to "woman up" and become responsible as well.

This thread should reinforce my point:
http://www.defensivecarry.com/vbulle...carry-gun.html

[ZombieShoot]

"Elsewhere" that NEVER has home invasions?

Where's that? The gold vault at Ft. Knox? The moon?

I'm still waiting for you to tell me HOW you can tell when you're going to be in danger at any given time or place. If other people besides you have that ability, how come so few of us seem to use it? Why didn't the women in that Lane Bryant go to Dress Barn instead? Why didn't the parents of those Amish kids send them to Catholic school that day?

As I said before, help a brother out. Sharing is caring.

There must be a secret part of the bible that tells one how to know they are in danger.

[Harryball]

Jerry M

Please do not take this the wrong way, but I would not want to live in your Glass house. The real world is were I live, and I will stay armed to protect the ones I love, whether they like it or not.

[Saber]

...She is willing to divorce me if I insist on CCing around her and my kids...

Wow, that’s pretty intense! Not sure what the fix may be for you guys.

I received a similar response from my former employer (wife) when I was accepted by the LAPD many moons ago. We compromised so I joined the SDSO. Back then; San Diego was considered somewhat of a lower risk in her mind. Frankly, I didn’t see any difference between being shot in San Diego vs. Los Angeles but whatever...

My current fiancée is not at all happy that I own and carry a gun. Fact is, and in my experience, a lot of women do tend to share your wife’s opinion. I found it difficult to explain to some of my female friends that the culture we live in isn’t all about Barbie Dolls and pigtails. In fact, I told my Italian sweetheart that I would carry after we’re married so take it or leave it. She asked me if I was choosing between her and my guns, and I simply replied ‘I don’t want to be married to you unless I can protect you.’ Apparently, she accepted that to some degree, and I guess we're Ok.

BTW: Don't dare take the countermeasure I chose as a suggestion. You’re already married so keep it that way and work around it.