My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? - Page 8

My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

This is a discussion on My wife is against me CCing. What do I do? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by Harryball Jerry M Please do not take this the wrong way, but I would not want to live in your Glass house. ...

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Thread: My wife is against me CCing. What do I do?

  1. #106
    Ex Member Array Deanimator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harryball View Post
    Jerry M

    Please do not take this the wrong way, but I would not want to live in your Glass house. The real world is were I live, and I will stay armed to protect the ones I love, whether they like it or not.
    Jerry's words have the aroma of AHSA about them.

    It's ok to shoot skeet, or maybe even hunt, but self-defense? In the words of Ralph on "The Simpsons", "That's unpossible!"

    The odds against being attacked are astronomical... until you get "lucky".
    The police will protect you... unless they don't.
    Just give your assailant what he wants (including your wife and daughter).
    If you can't trust in the good judgment and basic decency of a robber, home invader or rapist, what CAN you trust in?

    When somebody's on a self-defense forum, talking down self-defense, that's NEVER a coincidence.


  2. #107
    Member Array Shanester66's Avatar
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    My wife wasnt to keen on it at first either. I think it was more of an ignorance of the legalities of carrying then anything else. I just showed what PA law dictates we can and cannot do. Fortunately for me, I live in a very pro gun state...PA (hopefully stays that way) and my wife was REALLY surprised that you can even OC in our state w/o any kind of permit.

    In the end she got on board. To be honest, even if she didnt she would have had to get over it. Sometimes you gotta put the hammer down dude. Good luck with that.
    Regards,
    Shane Stagg
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  3. #108
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieShoot View Post
    There must be a secret part of the bible that tells one how to know they are in danger.
    Nope. There surely isn't.

    Don't know about you, but the ACME Criminals' Union #243 stopped sending me my calendar years ago.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  4. #109
    Ex Member Array Deanimator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieShoot View Post
    There must be a secret part of the bible that tells one how to know they are in danger.
    I generally know when I'm IN danger. It's the "GOING TO BE" part that seems to elude everybody but Jerry.

    Maybe it's in the I-Ching or "Dianetics"...

  5. #110
    Ex Member Array Deanimator's Avatar
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    Simple rules for living:

    1. Avoid the avoidable and prepare for the unavoidable. Cross North Waziristan off of your list of vacation destinations. Lawfully carry a firearm if you're in Lane Bryant or McDonalds.

    2. Don't trust in the "better nature" of violent psychopaths. Those of us who remember the name "Richard Speck" know why.

    3. Be skeptical of religious justifications for allowing yourself to be savagely victimized. Slave owners could justify human bondage with scripture all day long. Your would be exploiter and his fanboys and cheerleaders almost ALWAYS say that god wants you to go along with the program.

    4. If somebody tries to get you to do something with a guaranteed bad result for YOU, there's usually a reason. This applies to unlicensed driveway repairmen, drug dealers, "helpful" guys at the Greyhound station, the guy who tells you you'll get 72 virgins if you fly a plane into a building, and those who tell you not to defend yourself from deadly force with deadly force.

  6. #111
    Senior Member Array gdm320's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ccw9mm View Post
    I place trust, respect and honor above all, in a relationship. Threats and ultimatums of the sort being discussed have no place in a healthy relationship.
    I agree with this whole heartedly. Threats and ultimatums are not the sign of a healthy relationship.
    "Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death." -- General Omar Bradley

  7. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    But I see so many who are willing to get a divorce, in contradiction to the promises you made when you took the marriage vows, just so that you can carry a gun.
    This is one of your many errant observations. In the case I mentioned, it was the wife who was threatening divorce. In my case specifically, my wife used to end every argument, in which she didn't get her way, with those words. Once I decided to take her up on it, and she knew I was serious, she stopped making those threats.

    Your statement as related to my situation is not accurate. You have many such statements, and they are not worth my time to refute them all. Suffice it to say you have no clue of the dynamics in my relationship.

    You often attack someone when they take a strong stand in a marriage. I suspect it grates on you because you see strength which you do not have, or are not given permission by your wife to display.

    Maybe not... maybe your marriage is so great that the two of you never disagree on anything major. I doubt it, but I do not know the dynamics of your marriage.

    You speak of the promises we made in our wedding vows. Yet if one partner wants to walk away bad enough, the other cannot stop them. Sometimes calling a bluff is necessary. If it isn't a bluff, then acknowledging the death of a marriage may be necessary.

    You have so many holes in your logic on this issue that I don't even know why I'm wasting my time. But your posts are so abhorantly wrong that I chose to answer anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    Don't pretend that you are willing to break up your family to "protect" them.
    If you read the post correctly, you would see where it was the wife's decision to threaten divorce, both in the OP's case and in mine.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    It is just pride that a wife is not going to tell you what to do.
    If you are still employed, don't give up your day job, okay? If you're retired as I suspect... I don't suggest applying for any long-distance psychoblabble jobs. You have consistently shown that you are off the mark.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    You would do that even though broken homes are so traumatic to all and especially the children at whatever age.
    Divorces can be traumatic on children.

    Some marriages can be more traumatic.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    If you are so afraid of going out without CC do you go where it is illegal just so you can feel protected? Or do you not go anywhere that you cannot carry? I guess you never go into a government building.
    Does fear really enter into it? Doesn't "being prepared" count for anything?

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    Some of you are kidding yourselves as to how dangerous the world is.
    Agreed. Look in the mirror.
    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    Milllions of people live their lives without ever needing to defend themselves from force.
    I love my family, you know--including the wife who you claim I don't love--too much to not be prepared to protect them.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    But each will do as he will. I have made my choices, and stand by them. The choices we have made have resulted in a lifetime of happiness and satisfaction. I would not trade that for some imagined danger that would make disharmony.
    Nor would I trade a false sense of harmony, or harmony gained at the expense of a lack of safety, for the simple acts of being prepared.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I and my wife will be led by Christ and His Word, and not by people who think they know more that He does.
    Haha, did I say I knew more than Christ? I simply take his words as they are, and not try some linguistic gymnastics to come up with an alternate viewpoint.

    Quote Originally Posted by JerryM View Post
    I just make a judgment about your post when you say, "“If my wife gave me such an ultimatum, I would tell her to contact a lawyer. And I'd mean it.” .
    That is a shallow love, not a self sacrificing love that God tells us we are to have for our wives.
    Wrong again.

    I love my wife enough to protect her, even when she disagrees with how I do it.

    I have to wonder about your situation. You mentioned if you were faced with a criminal act and you and your wife were killed, you "would just go to heaven."

    What if you were killed and your wife was left alive? You have no problems with that? You have no problems with her living out the rest of her life alone, all because you failed to take some simple steps of precaution?

    I find such an attitude negligent and irresponsible.

    You constantly mention the low odds of something happening. While I agree they are low, if you are going to constantly quote them, at least update them to something more reasonable, ref. home invasions and church shootings.

    If you have found a way of life that fits you and your wife, great. But when you criticize me for taking greater precautions than you do, and in spite of my wife's initial objections, and when you judge me as having "shallow love", I wonder if you know the true meaning of love.

    Love doesn't mean always agreeing with someone. Sometimes it means doing what needs done, regardless of whether the receiver sees the need or not.

    I love my wife too much to go along with your practice of life, that is, refusing to prepare for anything other than a peachy, sunny day. Sometimes the rain clouds come, and we have no control over when they arrive.

    Jerry, I hope you and your wife are happy. But I disagree with your prognosis of my marriage. You couldn't handle a wife like mine. Her father was a battallion commander in WWII who fought in active combat for years. He was tough as nails. We buried him about 4 years ago.

    She takes after him in some ways. She has a strong, stubborn spirit. If you tried to have harmony with her, it would mean doing everything her way. You would be her errand boy from Day One.

    Sometimes one has to take a stand on issues and not waiver.

    I suspect you don't like to see men take strong stands because it reminds you of something you have chosen not to do. That's fine. Your life, your choice. But I want you to know there is freedom in making the right decision, and then refusing to alter it just because it is not a popular decision.

    When one has done the right thing, one knows it internally, and no amount of misplaced criticism can take away from that.


    Rugergirl, I agree that both parents have the obligation to protect the family. Absolutely. But if one abdicates that responsibility, then the other must take extra steps to help keep the family safe.

    Sometimes it's the man who takes those extra steps, sometimes it's the woman. Good for you for being willing. I find so many women, and some men, who aren't willing. I guess it's easier to bury one's head in the sand than acknowledge reality.


    Nathan, good news on the recent conversation with your wife. It sounds like you know her well, and it sounds like she may be coming around.

  8. #113
    Ex Member Array Cold Warrior's Avatar
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    Say, "Shut up, woman! I'm the boss, the king. You'll do what I say and like it or be quiet! Now, give me some sex or start cooking dinner!" Okay, so I'm divorced and have quit dating and mating, since I'd rather have fun with guns anyway.

  9. #114
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    Well it sounds like Nathan9493 is getting a handle on the situation. Good luck, bro...

    My wife is from a very anti-gun family, but after 16+ years of wedded bliss I got my CPL in Dec 2008. She doesn't carry but she doesn't object to my carrying - we're both 3rd degree black belts but realize that won't always protect us.
    "Be justified. Blood may be easily wiped from the sword.
    It cannot, however, be put back from where it came." --Quicksabre

  10. #115
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by grady View Post
    I love my family ... too much to not be prepared to protect them.

    Love doesn't mean always agreeing with someone. Sometimes it means doing what needs done, regardless of whether the receiver sees the need or not.
    Exactly so.

    Back to the claims being brushed aside ...

    And asking for something not to be done, particularly when it's based on propaganda-laced fears and conjecture wholly out of place with current reality and the relationship in question, doesn't necessarily mean that the steps aren't wanted and respected. In my experience, (not always, but) so very often it simply is that propaganda and fears have gotten the better of the person, temporarily, and somehow shut off the synapses in that area of the brain that register so well with other aspects of the person's life. All that's needed is a bit of time to process, via being exposed to what's real and true. It doesn't hardly mean foregoing all manner of defensive preparations, even minor, unobtrusive ones, in order to appease.

    One thing to keep in mind is that simple disagreement on method, timing or other minor aspects of such preparations doesn't hardly imply shallowness, lack of love or concern, coldness as a spouse/person, someone "living life by the gun" at the expense of marriage, or any of the other euphemistic claims that have been flung at folks who opt for a modest, continual defensive posture in their lives. With a bit of practice and team spirit (for lack of a better term), it's not difficult to weave it into a relationship's normal, everyday routine in such a way as to be unobtrusive.

    'Nuff said. Life is what it is. Reality will be. As will my modest preparations and training. It works for me and mine. I accept that whatever others find works for them in their lives is fine. Just don't seek to belittle and denigrate choices made by others that you, yourself, might not make. That shouldn't be difficult, considering that you know fairly little about others based on what's posted here, let alone their loved ones and relationships in their lives. Likewise, I can't possibly know better than you about what really works in your life, as I know but a tithe of the dynamics involved. Accept it. As for yours, so shall I. Whatever else is true, that's a good thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cold Warrior View Post
    Say, "Shut up, woman! I'm the boss, the king. You'll do what I say and like it or be quiet! Now, give me some sex or start cooking dinner!" Okay, so I'm divorced and have quit dating and mating, since I'd rather have fun with guns anyway.
    Oooh, you're a cold-hearted B-man. You're doin' it wrong, bud. Time to change your method, 'cause you're upsetting the ox cart. Livin' the shallow life, or some such. (I couldn't quite follow that logic, but there it is.) I know better, 'cause it worked for me. Thus, it'll work for you, for sure.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  11. #116
    VIP Member Array gottabkiddin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cold Warrior View Post
    Say, "Shut up, woman! I'm the boss, the king. You'll do what I say and like it or be quiet! Now, give me some sex or start cooking dinner!" Okay, so I'm divorced and have quit dating and mating, since I'd rather have fun with guns anyway.
    And she didn't just luv you to death.
    "He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." – Luke 22:36

    "If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." – Thomas Jefferson

  12. #117
    Member Array ZombieShoot's Avatar
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    Whats "ASHA" mean?

  13. #118
    Ex Member Array Deanimator's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ZombieShoot View Post
    Whats "ASHA" mean?
    The American Hunters and Shooters Association.

    It's a false flag anti-gun quisling organization. They're a wholly owned subsidiary of the hardcore anti-gun movement and have a common leadership with them. They pretend to be pro-gun while espousing the talking points of groups like VPC and the Bradys, verbatim. Think in terms of "Blacks for Jim Crow" or "Jews for the Nuremberg Laws".

    They regularly infiltrate pro-gun discussion boards attempting to dupe the uninformed with their Schumeresque propaganda.

    JerryM's comments are eerily reminiscent of their past performances in a number of forums. Where effective self-defense is pooh-poohed, they're never far away.

    JerryM may not be AHSA, but if not, he's doing a stellar imitation.

  14. #119
    New Member Array amanojyaku's Avatar
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    In a relationship there is Always going to be a person that wears the pants. The man in a relationship is the equivalent of being the president and in congress at the same time. the congress side of the relationship would be discussions on things such as where to live, expenses, child's education, decorations etc.

    But sometimes there are really important subjects that come up. for example lets say it was really offensive to your woman to lock your front door. You know thats a bad idea and most people do but she insists leaving the front door unlocked is the way to go. Thats when your presidential powers come in. U veto that stuff she is talking about and lock that door. Its your job as a MAN to protect your family. You gotta know when to put your foot down. there are somethings that require that executive decision.


    Im not saying use it all the time. But on issues concerning security.... You enact your status of the man in the relationship and say this is how we are going to handle this. The front door is going to be locked, I am carrying, we will lock our cars etc. If you dont have that power in your relationship u need to get it. maybe im just old fashioned that way but i was brought up taught it was my responsibility as a MAN to protect my family. just my 2 cents

  15. #120
    Distinguished Member Array tiwee's Avatar
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    This may not work in your case. Or your wife may already do this. Occasionally, I will ask my wife to get her friend's opinions on divisive issues. That has worked wonders for me. She has some common sense friends that generally suggest a good course of action that we can both agree upon. Kind of puts my wife in control of finding a solution without the emotion or baggage that some issues carry.

    Case in point is my 87 year old mother and wife occasionally have misunderstandings. I basically have to visit my mom every day and take care of the things that come up in her life. The wife/mother in law scene has been going on thirty years. They both keep score. I am in the middle on all of these. It is a no win for me. Asking the wife to discuss the mother in law problem of the day with her friends has been effective. Takes me out of the line of fire and her friends often get her to lighten up. Last time she came back and said she was sorry and also made up with my mom. That is better results than I could get in a month of Sundays.

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