This is a discussion on Help me get my wife to the range... within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; First, a little background information: About a year ago, I started getting very concerned with the current state of affairs in our economy, government, etc. ...
First, a little background information:
About a year ago, I started getting very concerned with the current state of affairs in our economy, government, etc. and thought it was time to take home and self defense more seriously.
I was raised with guns in the house, mostly for hunting, and have always staunchly supported the second ammendment. So, not only did I have some good background knowledge, I didn't have any fear of guns to overcome.
While I woudln't refer to my wife as an "anti," she's hardly "pro" either. What doesn't help is her father. The man (bless his soul) moved to Arizona in part because of their pro-2nd ammendment laws. He has proceeded to build himself a MASSIVE collection of weapons of all types. This freaks my wife out.
At the time I was becoming more concerned and ready to start doing something about it, I sat her down and said I had to ask her something. But followed up by telling her I wasn't really asking for permission. I was just making her aware of what I was going to do. That went over fairly well, but did freak her out a bit (memories of her fathers collection, I'm sure.)
I now have multiple weapons. She's not really what I'd call supportive of it, but she doesn't give me much grief about it either (I'll take the small victories.)
I've tried on numerous occasions to invite her to the gun range, and I always get a response indicating she isn't interested, and doesn't really want much to do with it. I've been low key about it, because I don't want to pressure her into it, but I'm running out of ideas. Have any of you guys had any experience with this? Please help if you can.
Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.
Just tell her you want to go over safety with her, and you want her to know what to expect if she needs to use it. This got my wife to say "ok I'll go sometime". Then last 4th of july we were at my parents shooting guns and fireworks. I already had the guns out and had her give them a try. She actually liked my 24-7 more than my .22 rifle. Like I said in the other thread, but her she can't hit the silhouette in the nads. For some reason they take great pleasure in shooting nads. Even if she doesn't get hooked she will have a good experience with a gun, and hopefully it will help.
Either you are a weapon and your gun is a tool or your gun is a weapon and you are the tool.
Start cutting out every newspaper article about home invasions, armed assaults, and rapes. Stick them on the refrigerator door. Remind her that you're not home to protect her all the time.
Treat me good, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.
I doubt it will work for you like it did for me sense you already have your guns, but it worked for me when I purchased my first gun. I just basically told my wife I wanted to show her how to work the gun and show me that she could do it by herself. I told her that she only had to shoot 1 magazine and I would never bother her about it again. With the thought of never hearing about it again she agreed to do it once.
Turns out that was the easy part, had her there with the gun pointed down range her shaking like a leaf afraid that it was going to do something bad or whatnot. Anyways, she shot her mag and was done and I was happy with that. The big surprise is the next time I was heading to the range she asked if she could come...
So, I guess what I was trying to get across in my poor story is try to make a deal with her. Say "just come 1 time and I'll leave you alone about it for now on" or something alone that line.
I feel your pain. I got my wife to take the handgun safety course and range qualification with me (which she seemed to enjoy) but that is about as far as we've gotten. She will go to the range with me just because she likes doing things with me and wants to spend time with me but it definitely isn't her thing and I really have to nudge her to empty a few clips down range.
She had no problem with me getting my CCW and carrying... in fact she routinely asks when going through unsavory neighborhoods if I am carrying (I think she likes the fact that I do) but when the topic of her carrying comes up she changes the subject. She has said that she doesn't know if she could handle the responsibility of carrying or the aftermath of having to use it. I'm glad she is honest about it and not EVERYONE can do it. I hope one day she comes around but I'm not gonna push her. She isn't anti in the least... she just knows that at this point and time in her life she can't handle the responsibility that goes along with it. Maybe that will change once we have kids.
You know, there should be a separate forum for spouses and guns since there's so many threads about the subject. It seems so many MEN on here are so desperate to force their agenda on their wives. It's extremely difficult for a man to force any agenda on their wives, much less this one. There's that rare exception to the rule, and goody for those dudes who have that wife that accepts it. If you don't have that kind of wife, just deal with it. She isn't going to change her mind until something happens to her or her friends or family tell her. That's why I chuckle whenever I see these "Please help me convince my wife" threads.
Ex-hippie, I'd see if I could convince her that she at least needs to know how to load and safely use one of the house guns. Just as she should know the basics of any household tool, machine, or safety measure....
In the event of your injury or absence, she should be able to handle it. Dont set it apart from other things in your home. Do you have other security measures in place? An alarm? Does she know how to work it? If so, compare it to that. Can she jump start a car if she needs to? Compare it to that (yeah, I hate that too).
In general, I think it's foolish for any of us to try and function alone in a serious situation if we have a choice....in any home event, your wife should be your partner, whether guns are involved or not. You should have plans to be prepared and she should be part of them. (Call 911, go to the kids, etc) Is this the case?
Fortune favors the bold.
Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.
The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)
It sounds like she's leaving you alone, she isn't trying to get you to knit. You keep on trying to teach her to shoot for her protection, and you might get stabbed with a knitting needle......
"When someone shares something of value with you and you benefit from it, you have a moral obligation to share it with others."
VCDL member (DE.357;Ruger 4" GP-100 .357;Ruger 2.2" SP-101 cc hammer .357;BT .380cc.
Husbands and wives must communicate, compromise, and share, but there is one area for me that demanded I follow a different approach...Home and Self Defense. I left no room for compromise when it came to protecting our home and family.
I understand you approach, and it is exactly how I feel in this vital area of self-preservation.
It also took over 30 years for my wife to become more than aloof to self-defense, but she finally came around. She now has her permit and a couple of weapons, although she does not carry as much as I would prefer. Again, that is a choice SHE has to make.
Proverbs 27:12 says: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.”
Certified Glock Armorer
NRA Life Member
Ex-hippie I wish I could help you. but in this house it's the reverse problem, hubby can't keep me away from the range. Of course he doesn't mind going too, but the limit it no more than twice a week.
Just the other night he asked where I wanted to go for dinner, I replied the range. He laughed and remind me that we were just there a few hours ago.
Sorry I'm not much help, but the advice the others have given seems sound. Let her know she needs to know how to defend herself if you aren't there. Be gentle but be firm is you need to, but she really should know how to safely handle whatever is at home.
That is how Dad got me started at the ripe old age of 12, and look what came out of it
Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.
Wow! I could say alot, but the advice has already been presented. And great advice at that. My wife and I kill three birds with one stone. We both enjoy shooting, we believe the craft and skill is a necessary part of our lives for obvious reasons (the world around us), and we get to spend some good quality time together. I'll stop there.
let her know how many women go to the range and how eprsonable people are there...invite her along just to observe so she can get a feel for what you enjoy about it...my wife of 28 years came to the range with me for the first time becuase i was taking our 9 year old daughter who had shown some interest...when she saw the number of kids and women shooting she decided to give it a try...now shes handling different guns and thinking about one of her own...
once theyre exposed to it it might change their though process on it...try to turn it into just a fun outing...no pressure or time limits...just come on in and let me share something i enjoy with you...
if that doesnt work tell her you met this great lady at the range with a lot of the same interests as you and youre gonna start shooting with her regularly...shes like a real good friend...(joking)...
I love RetSupt's advice. Give her time, leave the door open, and allow her to be who she is. don't force or nag; you hate it when others do that to you. Be a protector and a helper and ask her to consider simply learning the safe function and handling of a firearm for your peace of mind.
Then love on her like a good husband and go read a bunch of the threads from husbands whose wives are not nearly so understanding as it appears you are. Then go say your prayers and thank the Lord for the wife you have. :)
"...whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one." (Luke 22:36)
Christianity and Self Defense from a Biblical Perspective
Funny, but my bride has her ccw, a couple of nice cc weapons, and carries when she can; however, she absolutely detests the range.
The last time she went with me, some mountain man type near us was sighting in what must have been an elephant rifle. It was busy at the range, so we couldn't go to a different station. My wife and I each had in soft foam ear plugs with our large "cans" over that, and still, we would both jump every time he'd pull the trigger. It felt like your heart would skip a beat.
The time before that, some goofy twenty-somethings were randomly blasting away with an SD shottie at silhouettes four feet away and yukking it up. These guys also had an unhealthy fascination with shooting for the 'nads. I looked over at the RO, and he just shrugged.
Her current impression is that the range is a noisy, unsupervised zoo full of wackos and discourteous cretins. She feels more at-risk at the range than from inexperience with her firearms.
I am back trying to convince her to try it "one more time". I hope to heaven if she does, it's not another weird range experience for her.
Last edited by MadMac; February 17th, 2010 at 12:29 PM.