Gun-hating wife: The value of patience

This is a discussion on Gun-hating wife: The value of patience within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I'm glad things finally worked out for you, but my opinion is that your wife should have told you up front exactly what her objection ...

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Thread: Gun-hating wife: The value of patience

  1. #16
    Member Array jfrey's Avatar
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    I'm glad things finally worked out for you, but my opinion is that your wife should have told you up front exactly what her objection was and not drag it out for some time. Your feelings and desires are as important as her's. Having a wife with an "ex" who, lets just say, wasn't real balanced, I let her know really early in our relationship I wasn't him and didn't want to be compared to him. The tone I used pretty much put an end to that situation. I had an "ex" too but I never compared my wife to her. I was glad I did so much better the second time.

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  3. #17
    Member Array DIXIETWISTER's Avatar
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    My wife's Dad was a cop so she grew up around them. and i have mine all over the house and she is cool with it. and me carrying......However i cannot get her to go to my shooting pit to shoot with me. she is just not interested in learning how. She does carry pepper spray though.....Good luck with her we men here know how them wifes can be
    You may not like guns. You may choose not to own one. That is your right.
    You might not believe in God. That is your choice.
    However, if someone breaks into your home at 3AM the first two things you are going to do are:
    1) Call someone with a gun.
    2)Pray they get there in time." - A wise man

  4. #18
    New Member Array solana's Avatar
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    They will come around after a while. I never told the spouse I carried once I got the CWL mostly to see if she could suspect any change in behavior, posture, or printing. We were walking around the block with my niece and nephew both in the strollers when we were almost attacked by 2 dogs (
    medium sized) that ran off after yelling loud at them. Minutes later the biggest Rotties I have ever seen come running from 200yrds. away towards us. We of course turned around and took off running with the kids. When we got back to the house my wife looked like she saw a ghost. Did not have to draw the weapon luckily! I mentioned that it sure is nice to know that you have some fighting chance when you carry a gun. She actually got her color back rather quickly and calmed down with a slight smile. Ever since, she doesn't joke about how paranoid and senseless I am when I grab the gun merely to go to the store for a minute. I explained that it is a tool and only used in one application. I told her I have more training and discipline in small arms use from my background than she realizes. I told her that I do not play with them as toys and I don't think it is cool to have guns. I gave her the "fire-extinguisher at home" line. I rationalized it would be negligent for me not to have a gun. It is inconvienient to carry I explained, but it is one discomfort that I insist on adapting. She has since left me alone about things.-----------Why does it always have to take something bad to happen for people to think security?

  5. #19
    Distinguished Member Array jumpwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jfrey View Post
    I'm glad things finally worked out for you, but my opinion is that your wife should have told you up front exactly what her objection was and not drag it out for some time. Your feelings and desires are as important as her's. Having a wife with an "ex" who, lets just say, wasn't real balanced, I let her know really early in our relationship I wasn't him and didn't want to be compared to him. The tone I used pretty much put an end to that situation. I had an "ex" too but I never compared my wife to her. I was glad I did so much better the second time.
    You make some interesting points that I would like to address:

    Your opinion is correct; she indeed should have been up front about her motives for hating guns, it would have simplified and shortened the entire process. However, considering the nature of this particular motive it's easy for me to understand (without condoning) her reluctance to share.

    It is true that my feelings/opinions/wants/needs are equally important to hers but, as the leader of this household, I put them after hers. Notice though (and this is the key part) that I did not hide the gun or hold off purchasing one because of her feelings, I simply took a verbal beating without retaliating.

    We had an early discussion that covered the subject of "I am NOT your ex" and, from your description, my tone was probably identical to yours. Getting her to hear that concept was easy, getting her to understand it thoroughly was, well, not so easy. But I imagine we have all been guilty of this at one time or another.

    In the end, I had the backbone to do what I believed was right and the self-control to stand firm with patience rather than iron-fisted dominance. I not only won the argument, I won her too. I continue to wear the pants around here and now I've got a crown to go with it.
    "The flock sleep peaceably in their pasture at night because Sheepdogs stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
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  6. #20
    Senior Member Array downrange's Avatar
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    Well, you both sound intelligent and reasonable, so I'm not surprised it worked out. ...just glad it did. ...and yes, I agree, some time with her on the other side of a gun sounds like great therapy. ...not a bad way to spend an afternoon either.
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  7. #21
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    Man, sounds like you were once married to my former ‘employer’. It’s very true that a lot of women never fully trust their husbands with a gun. When I met my current nemesis (kidding) I learned that she hated guns because I was formerly in the military, and that I may more likely shoot someone than look at em’.
    “Monsters are real and so are ghosts. They live inside of us, and sometimes they win.”
    ~ Stephen King

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