When to broach the subject when dating?

This is a discussion on When to broach the subject when dating? within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; Originally Posted by Stevew Mention that you enjoy shooting and ask her if she would like to go shooting sometimes. If she drags a Mod ...

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Thread: When to broach the subject when dating?

  1. #46
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    Array Bark'n's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stevew View Post
    Mention that you enjoy shooting and ask her if she would like to go shooting sometimes. If she drags a Mod 29 from under shirt and says "hail yeah", that would be a good time to tell her.
    Damn it! Coffee and a laptop keyboard doesn't go well together!!!!!

    I'd say that's the best response yet as I spewed coffee all over my keyboard. That was too funny. I had a perfect visual of her whippin out that hog leg and the excitement in her voice... "Hail Yeah!"

    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

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  3. #47
    Member Array mitocondriac's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Archie View Post
    The earlier the better.

    If the other objects, one might as well know up front. Usually that can resolve - either way - fairly peacefully and with good grace and humor.

    If one waits, and falls in love with the other (or vice versa) and then the subject is broached, there can be great disappointment and broken hearts if the two of you are not compatible.

    As for how, I'm pretty up front. Somewhat privately and quietly, simply tell the other you are licensed to carry, you do carry and you are willing to teach the other; but you are planning on carrying full time.

    It's easier that way; trust me.
    I second this motion.
    So If Guns Kill People Do Pencils Miss Spell Words???

  4. #48
    New Member Array SkydiverRick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by atctimmy View Post

    Also, if a person that you just met an hour ago can figure out you are armed you're doing something seriously wrong in your attempt to carry concealed.
    Or you are doing something seriously right in the dating scene.

  5. #49
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SkydiverRick View Post
    Or you are doing something seriously right in the dating scene.
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.


    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  6. #50
    New Member Array BulletMaker's Avatar
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    I never considered this question before, but I'm glad someone asked it.

  7. #51
    Member Array nova83tx's Avatar
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    For those on the board that say you should keep it a secret and it is none of her business, how many dates do you go on where there is ZERO contact, no hugs, no arm around the waist or any other touching. I am one that tries to tell as few people as possible about my CHL, but when dating someone, out of respect for them, I bring it up as early as possible.

    I have faced this conundrum a few times, and here is generally the way I deal with it. First, when I start going out with someone, it is usually after they have known me at least a few weeks, and there is some inherent trust already established.

    At some point there first time out solo with me, the earlier the better, I would say something such as :

    "I wanted to tell you a quick something about myself. One of the big things that is important to me in life, is that I like to be self-sufficent, and be able to do as much in life as I can myself. I always try to expect the unexpected, and I try to keep prepared ahead of time. In the car right now, I have not only a spare tire and other tools, but I also keep a first-aid kit with food and water in my trunk. Another big part of being self-sufficent is being smart with self-defense. A few years ago, I chose to take responsibility, and went through the cost and training to get my Concealed Handgun License from the state of Texas. I tell you this, not to impress you or anything like that, I just respect you enough that I thought you should know, because on the date tonight, if you hug me and feel a bulge, I didn't want to startle you or cause any uncomfortable feelings."
    Then I usually make a quip (keep the mood light), about how I don't want her to feel pressured that she has to hug me on the date, but I wanted her to know, that I would be open to the option. (Yeah I know I have a terrible sense of humor)

    The few times I have done this, I have received nothing but positive responses. One time, as my date and I were walking back to my car (dark walk, closest I could park the car, but nowhere had lights) . . . she wrapped her arm around my waist. She had the slightest hesitation as she glanced my rig, but she left it there, and said "You know, weirdly, I feel better knowing you carry, it is good to know that you are prepared, and makes this walk feel a little safer."

    The reason I go on a first date is to see if I would like to go out on a second date with someone. If I explain the above and they disagree with everything I say and have no trust in me, the goal of the first date is over, and I know there won't be a second one.
    Glock 26 w/ CTAC IWB

    "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far" - Theodore Roosevelt

  8. #52
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    I was just checking out some personal ads and one of the questions was "what do you think about" and this one girl answered "...if my Glock is concealed enough."

    Also her response to the question if you should contact her "...if you own more guns and power tools than I do."

    LOL

  9. #53
    New Member Array nmcolt45's Avatar
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    Girl you know we've been together such a long, long time (such a long time)
    And now I'm ready to lay it on the line
    (Wooow) You know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide
    Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
    A gift real special, so take off the top
    Take a look inside -- it's my gun in a box!

    To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
    It's easy to do just follow these steps
    1: Cut a hole in a box
    2: Put your gun in that box
    3: Make her open the box
    And that's the way you do it
    It's my gun in a box...my gun in a box girl
    It's my gun in a box, my gun in a box girl

  10. #54
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    I still like the close hug and let her either wonder what it was or find out for herself. Of course, I've been out of the dating scene since the 80s...and in today's environment of crap to consider when dating, I hope I never have a reason to be back in it.
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.


    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  11. #55
    Senior Member Array cagueits's Avatar
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    Give her Ayoob's In the Gravest Extreme as a gift and ask her what she thinks of the book. Then dump her/go to the range with her.
    I can no longer keep track of threads as I used to. If you need to contact me, PM me instead of asking me something in the thread. Disclaimer - No legal advice issued anywhere. Take care.

  12. #56
    VIP Member Array MitchellCT's Avatar
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    She isn't dating the gun, she's dating you.

    The gun is just...a gun.

    Don't make a big thing about it, and likely she won't either. If it comes up, don't start talking about the 2nd amendment rights, politics or anything like that.

    Just tell her you believe it's part of being a responsible person, the same as having car insurance, having a will & living will made out, starting a mutual fund for the future and so forth.

    Obviously you'd prefer to let the police handle things...but hey, you can't always get what you want, and things may need immediate action - as depressing of a thought as that may be.

    Now that that's out of the way, you don't really see the need to discuss the matter further at this time.

    You have better things to talk about.

    HER.

    Her job, her family, her cat and her plans for the future; however, if she is insistent on discussing it, you'll take her to shoot next time - now, can we please get back to the funny story about the time her cat got high off her cosmetics and ended up running around her apartment dragging her sweater around as if it was a deer it had just killed?

  13. #57
    Senior Member Array C Bennett's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fastk9dad View Post
    Assuming you didn't meet in a CCW class or on the range how do you bring up the subject to gauge the others feelings on the subject before the pants hit the floor so to speak or even from a random hug/touch where you don't want someone freaking out in public.

    One of the last girls I dated was while I was taking my NRA class and I would mention I was going to range etc... and she was cool with it. I even asked at one point if she was uneasy about myself carrying and she said no it was cool and it actually made her think about getting something to protect her and her daughter in their home. Unfortunately we had to stop dating because her daughter was having some issue and she needed to concentrate on that.

    Then I dated a police officer a few times and mentioned my looking into wanting to apply for the volunteer force and I was getting my permit. Didn't seem to phase her in the least and she only commented on the long process and that one of her friends was also getting hers and though it was a good idea for home defense at the very least.

    But assuming you already have your CCW and carry how do you gently bring up the subject?


    when I know I may be wanting to be more than just casual friends I find a way to bring it up..I pretty much would do one of those...Im going to the shooting range tomorrow I like to keep in practice for my CC skills...and if they ask as the all had I explain to them that I often carry a gun for self defense..if they say they dont like that or are nervous about it I explain why and if they still are I offer to take them to the range. they either go or dont or understand or dont...

    if they dont I straight up tell them...this(CC protecting my life and possibly that of friends and family) is just part of my life that will never change...if you dont think you can handle that we should probably not see each other anymore.

    Honestly ive never had anyone ive went out with(bee married now almost 18 years) thats had a problem with me CC...but im pretty picky and me being in LE...I obviously let them know what I do for a liv8ng and also let them know that weapons are a part of LE and what I do./

  14. #58
    Member Array Willieboy's Avatar
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    I wouldn't bring it up at all. It's nobody's business. Years ago, when I was dating, my date never knew what was in my waistband. It was there to protect her, and me, and if I had to use a gun, well, she'd kow it then.

    In general, I don't think anything positive can come from advertising you're carrying a gun or knife. Who needs the drama? Maybe I'm just secretive

  15. #59
    New Member Array nmcolt45's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Willieboy View Post
    I wouldn't bring it up at all. It's nobody's business. Years ago, when I was dating, my date never knew what was in my waistband. It was there to protect her, and me, and if I had to use a gun, well, she'd kow it then.

    In general, I don't think anything positive can come from advertising you're carrying a gun or knife. Who needs the drama? Maybe I'm just secretive
    I do agree that it's nobody's business,

    however when your talking about someone you will be directly protecting such as a girlfriend, wife etc...I feel that some type of knowledge is in order tactically speaking. For instance just as you should have a plan to escape your house in the event of a fire, I think you two should be on the same page should you have to use your weapon. If you have to employ the use of your gun, the situation is going to be stressful enough without the added stress of her freaking out because you just pulled a gun out of thin air that she knew nothing about.

  16. #60
    VIP Member Array 9MMare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nova83tx View Post
    For those on the board that say you should keep it a secret and it is none of her business, how many dates do you go on where there is ZERO contact, no hugs, no arm around the waist or any other touching. I am one that tries to tell as few people as possible about my CHL, but when dating someone, out of respect for them, I bring it up as early as possible.

    .
    You also have almost complete control over that aspect (contact). It doesnt have to happen Or just make sure that any contact where it could be discovered is more private...that way any scene she makes can be ended with "buh bye." Not that I would assume a scene.

    Like I said in my post, normal conversation includes things like interests and hobbies. Discussing shooting and hunting arent weird...and you can guage quite a bit from her responses.

    I've seen people referring to 'respecting' other peoples' feeling on this a few times in the thread. It's private and personal. Each individual reveals such things in their own time. But by worrying about respecting their feelings it implies that you are doing something wrong...or unnacceptable. You are not. I think respect goes both ways.
    Fortune favors the bold.

    Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.

    The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)

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