Wow - need help with the next step

This is a discussion on Wow - need help with the next step within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; So my wife came home (how prior to now was anti to the point just not wanting to see my gun or know anything about ...

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Thread: Wow - need help with the next step

  1. #1
    Member Array tunnelrat83's Avatar
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    Wow - need help with the next step

    So my wife came home (how prior to now was anti to the point just not wanting to see my gun or know anything about it) today with two stories she heard about at work today, that have opened her eyes to being SA and not being a "sheep".

    Prior to today she was against even carying Mace, but she has agreed to start carying that and even starting to come around to the idea of arming up.

    What is the best way to encourage this w/o pushing to hard and turning her off to it?

    The last time she came to the range with me she fired a friends Glock 17 one time, almost jumped 3 ft in the air and was scared sh*tless of it.

    Any ideas? Thanks for the advice. Here's hoping we have another convert.

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  3. #2
    Member Array mitocondriac's Avatar
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    Just let her go at her pace. Next time you go to the range ask if she would like to join you.
    So If Guns Kill People Do Pencils Miss Spell Words???

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    Mitocondriac gave the best advice, let her go at her own pace.
    "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
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  5. #4
    Member Array fireman836's Avatar
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    Talk to her and looking at Cornered Cat may help. Also take her to a range that allows you to try different handguns if one is in the area and start her on smaller guns and revolvers. A simi-auto can intimidate some people. My wife prefers my 357 revolver over my 9mm.

    Good Luck
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  6. #5
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    I'd say remove yourself from the role of instructor - is there a women's shooting or CCW course offered nearby? If not, then proceed slowly and with lots of encouragement. Women are generally better shooting students because they aren't endowed with the John Wayne gene we guys have.

    What you don't want to do is to force your enthusiasm on her, now that she's already been bitten. Frequent range visits with specific objectives in mind are better than marathon sessions where you're just launching countless rounds downrange. Let her go at her own pace, and keep the encouragement coming. Always end a practice session with a drill or exercise which builds confidence, rather than a challenging one which has you or her leaving the range frustrated.

    Make sure throughout that you set the highest standards for safety, especially with muzzle discipline. Ensure that she understands how the gun works, how to handle it administratively, and how to clear simple malfunctions (assuming an auto pistol).

    You have a rare opportunity here... keep it light, and keep it fun!
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  7. #6
    VIP Member Array 9MMare's Avatar
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    How about starting out with emphasising situational awareness and home preparedness? Then see what personal defense options she's interested in...martial arts (or women's self defense), pepper spray, etc. It doesnt have to be a gun right away...or ever. But even with that.... try to move up to discussing how important it is for her to know how to use the house gun...if she's there alone or if you are wounded, etc.

    I really like the idea of the small intense light shown in an aggressive panhandler's eyes that I learned here. Something like that may have some appeal to someone just getting started. (Of course, no scenario is clear cut, but talking thru this stuff leads to additional realization that...oh, what if the light wasnt enough.....and becoming open to more possibilities).
    Fortune favors the bold.

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    The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)

  8. #7
    Member Array Joeface's Avatar
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    I started mine off with a 22, I got her a Walther P22 just because it looks more like a semi-auto than your range 22's. I did that just so when we stepped up to a larger gun it didn't look completely different to her. It worked well for her, so much so she has recruited 2 of her friends and gone to a NRA basic pistol class. There is hope, just take your time and she will come around.
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    VIP Member Array AZ Husker's Avatar
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    My baby daughter (21 with her CCW) has been shooting since she was six. You wouldn't believe the number of young women she's brought into the pro-gun and shooting arena. At least once a month she asks me to load up the guns and take a gaggle of new friends shooting. We always have a ball. All start out on .22's and move to where they're comfortable. I'd suggest finding some other shooting females in your area and let the wife tag along. Don't go yourself. It's too tempting to step in or be intimidating.
    Treat me good, I'll treat you better. Treat me bad, I'll treat you worse.

  10. #9
    Member Array bwhunter65's Avatar
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    take her to the range even if she doesnt shoot let her watch get used to the noise and hopefully there are some ladies there maybe she could talk to some of them take it slow.
    Uly
    Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power.

    -- Yoshimi Ishikawa, Japanese author, in the LA Times 15 Oct 1992

  11. #10
    Member Array Joeface's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bwhunter65 View Post
    take her to the range even if she doesnt shoot let her watch get used to the noise and hopefully there are some ladies there maybe she could talk to some of them take it slow.
    P.S. If you have an outdoor range you might want to start there. Took mine to an indoor range first and she freaked. Guy shooting a shotgun on one side and a 44 mag on the other side. Much loud BOOM.
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  12. #11
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    Array RETSUPT99's Avatar
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    Start her off with a lighter caliber, then work up...as per her comfort level.
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  13. #12
    Senior Member Array Ride4TheBrand's Avatar
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    Here's my advise:

    Start with the small things and work your way up. Example: When going to the grocery store, have her watch your six when you're back at the vehicle and putting the groceries away. You put them away, she's scanning the parking lot. Formulate the bond of caring for each other and watching each others' back. With proper guidance, this will become second nature.

    Pushing guns from the outset can be a huge turnoff. However, situational awareness is paramount in all aspects of life... and the premier starting point.
    "We must remember that one man is much
    the same as another, and that he is best
    who is trained in the severest school."
    ~Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War

  14. #13
    New Member Array vietvet50's Avatar
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    easy does it

    started My wife on a walther P22 she'll shoot what She wants next.
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  15. #14
    Distinguished Member Array MinistrMalic's Avatar
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    You've been given lots of good advice on this thread. Encourage but don't push too hard. Don't freak out but reinforce her desire and thank her for it. Involve her in shooting. Don't talk down to her about firearms.

    And get her an instructor who isn't you.
    "...whoever has no sword is to sell his coat and buy one." (Luke 22:36)
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  16. #15
    Member Array merischino's Avatar
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    I'm a newbie female gun owner myself, with a supportive and loving boyfriend who is a font of information.

    If you can try to take a back seat in the conversations as much as humanly possible and let her drive, it will be of great benefit to her. Be there as a resource, not as an instructor. If she can feel comfortable going to you for information as frequently and as in-depth as she needs at any given time, she'll find it that much easier to return to the topic (either through you or under her own steam with other resources available) just as often as the idea pops into her head.

    What someone earlier said about finding formal instruction outside the home, I'll add my +1. Also a +1 on what Ride4theBrand said about situational awareness and getting her to watch your 6 as it were. The biggest change, for me, hasn't been the educating myself about guns and calibers. Or the actual shopping for a gun. It has been the regular daily habit of being in Condition Orange (aka not running around in Condition White = Totally Oblivious state).

    The whole not being in condition white is, completely separate from any actual tactical or strategic self-defense or home-protection choices, probably going to be the single biggest change for your wife. For me, it has been the hardest but also perhaps the most empowering.

    Scary to always think what's around that corner? yes. Disturbing to realize just how many nights you almost fell asleep without closing and locking the window? yes. Developing a pattern of "checking the perimeter" visually or physically when you leave or come home? Requires actual training. Good habits, just like bad ones, take 21 days before they are habits.

    All the thinking, all the not being in Condition White, will do its job of convincing your wife in her own time and terms that really, she wants a gun. Not mace. Not a billy club. Not 21 classes in Martial Arts, but a gun. (I'm not trying to devalue the non-gun options, but as with anything all the options would require training and defense scenarios. Most likely, only the gun would actually get that treatment. Most folks just throw mace in their purse and forget it, never reading far enough to even know that an attacker could close his eyes and hold his breath and continue with the attack. And few women taking martial arts classes for self defense actual continue with regular MA training beyond a single 2 hour evening of uber-basic tactics. I'm just saying.

    Anyway, what has been working for me, that my dear bf has been doing mostly very effectively, is just having him available as a resource and then using him like I do a dictionary or a Google search or any other form of information look-up: I ask pertinent questions, get my answers, sometimes go digging for more, sometimes get a whole lot of shitola that I hadn't bargained for, but mostly being a grown woman I make my own directions and my own choices on my own petard. Letting her have the freedom to do that will (I'm betting) work wonders for shortening the amount of time it will take to get her actually owning and using and potentially every-day carrying her own gun.

    Just my 2c.

    M-
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