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Wow - need help with the next step

2K views 22 replies 21 participants last post by  JohnK87 
#1 ·
So my wife came home (how prior to now was anti to the point just not wanting to see my gun or know anything about it) today with two stories she heard about at work today, that have opened her eyes to being SA and not being a "sheep".

Prior to today she was against even carying Mace, but she has agreed to start carying that and even starting to come around to the idea of arming up.

What is the best way to encourage this w/o pushing to hard and turning her off to it?

The last time she came to the range with me she fired a friends Glock 17 one time, almost jumped 3 ft in the air and was scared sh*tless of it.

Any ideas? Thanks for the advice. Here's hoping we have another convert.
 
#4 ·
Talk to her and looking at Cornered Cat may help. Also take her to a range that allows you to try different handguns if one is in the area and start her on smaller guns and revolvers. A simi-auto can intimidate some people. My wife prefers my 357 revolver over my 9mm.

Good Luck
 
#21 ·
+1! See if you can find a .22 revolver or semi. Virtually no recoil, minimal report and lots of fun. Let her go at her pace and be there for support and encouragement (without smothering). Good luck!
 
#5 ·
I'd say remove yourself from the role of instructor - is there a women's shooting or CCW course offered nearby? If not, then proceed slowly and with lots of encouragement. Women are generally better shooting students because they aren't endowed with the John Wayne gene we guys have.

What you don't want to do is to force your enthusiasm on her, now that she's already been bitten. Frequent range visits with specific objectives in mind are better than marathon sessions where you're just launching countless rounds downrange. Let her go at her own pace, and keep the encouragement coming. Always end a practice session with a drill or exercise which builds confidence, rather than a challenging one which has you or her leaving the range frustrated.

Make sure throughout that you set the highest standards for safety, especially with muzzle discipline. Ensure that she understands how the gun works, how to handle it administratively, and how to clear simple malfunctions (assuming an auto pistol).

You have a rare opportunity here... keep it light, and keep it fun!
 
#6 ·
How about starting out with emphasising situational awareness and home preparedness? Then see what personal defense options she's interested in...martial arts (or women's self defense), pepper spray, etc. It doesnt have to be a gun right away...or ever. But even with that.... try to move up to discussing how important it is for her to know how to use the house gun...if she's there alone or if you are wounded, etc.

I really like the idea of the small intense light shown in an aggressive panhandler's eyes that I learned here. Something like that may have some appeal to someone just getting started. (Of course, no scenario is clear cut, but talking thru this stuff leads to additional realization that...oh, what if the light wasnt enough.....and becoming open to more possibilities).
 
#7 ·
I started mine off with a 22, I got her a Walther P22 just because it looks more like a semi-auto than your range 22's. I did that just so when we stepped up to a larger gun it didn't look completely different to her. It worked well for her, so much so she has recruited 2 of her friends and gone to a NRA basic pistol class. There is hope, just take your time and she will come around.
 
#8 ·
My baby daughter (21 with her CCW) has been shooting since she was six. You wouldn't believe the number of young women she's brought into the pro-gun and shooting arena. At least once a month she asks me to load up the guns and take a gaggle of new friends shooting. We always have a ball. All start out on .22's and move to where they're comfortable. I'd suggest finding some other shooting females in your area and let the wife tag along. Don't go yourself. It's too tempting to step in or be intimidating.
 
#9 ·
take her to the range even if she doesnt shoot let her watch get used to the noise and hopefully there are some ladies there maybe she could talk to some of them take it slow.
 
#10 ·
P.S. If you have an outdoor range you might want to start there. Took mine to an indoor range first and she freaked. Guy shooting a shotgun on one side and a 44 mag on the other side. Much loud BOOM.
 
#11 ·
Start her off with a lighter caliber, then work up...as per her comfort level.:wave:
 
#12 ·
Here's my advise:

Start with the small things and work your way up. Example: When going to the grocery store, have her watch your six when you're back at the vehicle and putting the groceries away. You put them away, she's scanning the parking lot. Formulate the bond of caring for each other and watching each others' back. With proper guidance, this will become second nature.

Pushing guns from the outset can be a huge turnoff. However, situational awareness is paramount in all aspects of life... and the premier starting point.
 
#14 ·
You've been given lots of good advice on this thread. Encourage but don't push too hard. Don't freak out but reinforce her desire and thank her for it. Involve her in shooting. Don't talk down to her about firearms.

And get her an instructor who isn't you.
 
#15 ·
I'm a newbie female gun owner myself, with a supportive and loving boyfriend who is a font of information.

If you can try to take a back seat in the conversations as much as humanly possible and let her drive, it will be of great benefit to her. Be there as a resource, not as an instructor. If she can feel comfortable going to you for information as frequently and as in-depth as she needs at any given time, she'll find it that much easier to return to the topic (either through you or under her own steam with other resources available) just as often as the idea pops into her head.

What someone earlier said about finding formal instruction outside the home, I'll add my +1. Also a +1 on what Ride4theBrand said about situational awareness and getting her to watch your 6 as it were. The biggest change, for me, hasn't been the educating myself about guns and calibers. Or the actual shopping for a gun. It has been the regular daily habit of being in Condition Orange (aka not running around in Condition White = Totally Oblivious state).

The whole not being in condition white is, completely separate from any actual tactical or strategic self-defense or home-protection choices, probably going to be the single biggest change for your wife. For me, it has been the hardest but also perhaps the most empowering.

Scary to always think what's around that corner? yes. Disturbing to realize just how many nights you almost fell asleep without closing and locking the window? yes. Developing a pattern of "checking the perimeter" visually or physically when you leave or come home? Requires actual training. Good habits, just like bad ones, take 21 days before they are habits.

All the thinking, all the not being in Condition White, will do its job of convincing your wife in her own time and terms that really, she wants a gun. Not mace. Not a billy club. Not 21 classes in Martial Arts, but a gun. (I'm not trying to devalue the non-gun options, but as with anything all the options would require training and defense scenarios. Most likely, only the gun would actually get that treatment. Most folks just throw mace in their purse and forget it, never reading far enough to even know that an attacker could close his eyes and hold his breath and continue with the attack. And few women taking martial arts classes for self defense actual continue with regular MA training beyond a single 2 hour evening of uber-basic tactics. I'm just saying.

Anyway, what has been working for me, that my dear bf has been doing mostly very effectively, is just having him available as a resource and then using him like I do a dictionary or a Google search or any other form of information look-up: I ask pertinent questions, get my answers, sometimes go digging for more, sometimes get a whole lot of shitola that I hadn't bargained for, but mostly being a grown woman I make my own directions and my own choices on my own petard. Letting her have the freedom to do that will (I'm betting) work wonders for shortening the amount of time it will take to get her actually owning and using and potentially every-day carrying her own gun.

Just my 2c.

M-
 
#16 · (Edited)
My advice, for what it's worth:

Don't push her, and don't try to scare her with new stories and such. If she is into reading I'd suggest two books, and one you should already own if you are a gun owner that has a gun for self defense.

1) "In The Gravest Extreme", by Massad Ayoob (should already own)

2) "Lessons From Armed America", by Kathy Jackson and Mark Walters

Then get her a .22LR handgun and find a good Instructor that can teach her how to shoot. No, your Uncle Frank is not that Instructor, unless Uncle Frank works for FLETC or a major local LEO agency training new recruits.

Also have her spend time at Kathy's website, www.CorneredCat.com

Get ready to spend your money and to have her outshoot you. :hand10:

Biker
 
#18 ·
Thanks for all the advice and tips ya'll We have a couple of female friends that are into shooting so I may try and get them when she's ready to take her to the range. I like the idea of getting her to be SA when at the grocery store etc.

Thanks again for all the advice!
 
#19 ·
As suggested, let her go at her own pace and with small calibers to begin with. A .22 rifle is a good idea, hopefully one that fits her. Show her proper gun safety and how to properly hold, stand and shoot the gun she is using. Make it fun, not a boot camp exercise. Help her feel relaxed and welcome, not like she is on display at the boy's club for their amusement. Be encouraging and helpful, but don't overwelm her with volumes of information and directions. If she does not have an enjoyable experience, she won't be coming back a second time.
When she feels ready for something more than that .22, work up slowly, rather than handing her a .357 mag snubby or a 1911 with defense rounds and giggling when the gun nearly jumps from her hand. I've seen some fools doing these things and it will sour your lady to guns very quickly. If you want to her to come around and enjoy guns the way you do, take it slow and make it fun for her. My wife was VERY antigun and thought I was just paranoid about being safe on the streets. Her ex husband had given her a bad expereince with a 1911 first time at a range and she hated it and therefore wanted nothing to do with guns. I gave her a much better expereince and she found she actually liked shooting. Now she buys more guns than I do and we share a fun hobby at the range with shotgunning, CAS & IDPA and she takes her safety seriously. She has been to several defensive shooting courses with me. She even went and became an NRA instructor. How's that for a turn around! She has taken many anti gun women out shooting and if not fully converting them, at least they went away from the expereince no longer anti gun folks. So again, let her go at her own pace, make it fun, not intimidating and she will come around and be your shooting buddy. Good luck.
 
#20 ·
Lots of great advice above. My wife was never opposed to carrying...just wanted to do it at her own pace. Which took the better part of a year to get here to finally shoot my XD. We stopped in the woods one day while out camping and I handed it to her...she was reluctant but fired off 4 rounds. The bang startled her and it was 3 months before she agreed to come shooting again. The next time....not so scared, just a bit reluctant to get into the shoot with me and my friend. Third time's a charm! This time she had just completed here CCW class and felt comfortable having someone else teach here basic pistol safety. In fact, she ran out and picked out a Ruger SP101 .357 w/laser 2 days after the class. Needless to say she could not wait to fire her "own" weapon. We had a blast at the range last week and went through approx 300 rounds. When we were driving home she could not stop talking about how much fun she had and is looking forward to shooting weekly.

Point being....let her go at her own pace. Try to create opportunities for her to go to the range with your or one of her friends...without being too pushy...like i said "opportunities". Let someone else to the "teaching". And by all means let here try & buy her own gun. Good Luck!
 
#22 ·
If the .22 is not in the budget, or you want to take it even slower try a softair gun or pellet gun. The soft air can be set up and used in a home. Depending on your surroundings a pellet gun might be used in the yard. My wife is petite and she can shoot .22 pistol, .380, 9mm, .45, and actually prefers to shoot her 12 ga HD shotgun. We are looking at getting her a 9mm soon. She has been shooting for just over a year.

Depending on your relationship, getting lessons on shooting can be a good idea. My wife and I do fine. I have taught her all along the way. Sometimes it's hard to teach a spouse though.

When you get to the point of buying her a gun, let her pick it and find a way for her to shoot it first. I bought my wife a gun that was what she said she wanted, until she shot it. Now she hates it.

Another :hand10: for Cornered Cat.
 
#23 ·
Find a beginner's handgun course, especially one for women, and pay for her to go. They will give her the basics of gun terminology, safety, shooting, and a little range time with a couple different types. Then step back and don't complain too much when a gun becomes "hers" or you have to take her shopping.
 
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