Need advice,don't know if I want to carry any more - Page 3

Need advice,don't know if I want to carry any more

This is a discussion on Need advice,don't know if I want to carry any more within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; I'll run against the popular line of reasoning on this. I can understand why you don't need the hassle of carrying. What people here seem ...

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Thread: Need advice,don't know if I want to carry any more

  1. #31
    Ex Member Array MadMac's Avatar
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    I'll run against the popular line of reasoning on this. I can understand why you don't need the hassle of carrying.

    What people here seem to so often forget, is that almost everyone who is not involved with drugs or crime will never, ever, ever need to defend themselves with deadly force. If you have a druggie teen delinquent in the house and a frazzled wife with a whacko ex-husband, perhaps having a gun around is not such a good idea. It would be far more likely to be misued or stolen than needed to defend against a home invasion or for personal security.

    I know to listen to both sides of any story. Yes, the police may have overracted, but they felt they needed to remove the gun (and its owner) from a bad situation. They most likely figured that with the pistol and its owner locked away from the other family members, things would simmer down, and no one could be tempted to introduce a gun into the situation. You, sir, were the dangerous variable. The unarmed ex and his unarmed biological son were the ones who called the cops, and the wife is trying to make everyone happy including her kid. In that situation, I probably would have had you removed as well.

    Think about it - you are the only real "outsider" in this event. The other three were at one time a nuclear family. How do you know the ex was "high"? Did you run a field sobriety test or run a toxicology exam? If not, you can only suspect. If it wasn't obvious to the cops, that may be another clue.

    Are you paying the rent/mortgage on the home you and your wife share? If so, why would you accept being thrown out of it in favor of a dirtbag juvenile delinquent? Gee, maybe she can get you to continue to pay the rent/mortgage and food bill and she can hook back up with the ex and the son under your roof. [sarcasm detector: on]

    I agree with a previous poster: domestic crap like this is the worst. Sadly, as the new hubby without offspring of your own, you can and will be perceived as an unwelcome outsider to the former nuclear family.

    Also, why did the argument end up in your bedroom? Not even my own children are welcome in our bedroom. Had my wife been previously married, I don't even see why I would allow her ex to ever enter our home - even for a barbeque, let alone a heated family discussion.


  2. #32
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Sounds like you married into a problem
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
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  3. #33
    Member Array Trophyhunter's Avatar
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    I wish I could give you an Defieant Answer or, an solution to your problem. As others have stated Carry anyway and, go with your instinct. We are all faced with that situation when carrying a Gun, Its an great Responcilbilty. But, You have to be Prepared for all situations, wether Negative or, Positive when Carrying. It seems like the rules and, the Laws are Stacked agaisnt the Law Bidding Citizens of this great Country. We are Damned if we do and, Damned if we dont. Good Luck To You No Matter what you Deceide to do...
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  4. #34
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    Which is worse: a night in jail or eternity in the grave?
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  5. #35
    Distinguished Member Array Rugergirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1911luver View Post
    Thanks for the input so far everyone Its been a couple of months since this whole nightmare started. I currently living with my brother as I've refused to go back to my house until my wife does something with this kid. I don't feel comfortable living with him anymore he has put the entire house through a living hell and to be frank I'm beyond sick and tired of his crap. I've conveyed all this to my wife and she now says she realizes her mistake in refusing to except this kids drug problem was a lot more serious than she was willing to believe. She has also banned he EX from coming to the house any more,instead dropping the kids off at a public place.

    Perhaps if my wife had this epiphany just three months ago we wouldn't be having this discussion. But alas the damage is done and its been done to me only. If you factor in the cost of my handgun that I lost,remaining attorney fees and record experiment fees,I'll be out another $4,000 by the time I'm done.

    All that being said in my book talk is cheap and its just a tad bit to little to late at this point. Don't get me wrong I love me wife and as a devote catholic I take my marriage vows very seriously,but I simply cannot in good conscience walk back into that crap storm. I also feel its wrong for the police to refuse to return my property as well but at this point its cheaper to just buy a new gun. I'm a man of principal but at the same time I simply don't have the money to pay my lawyer to retrieve it.

    The thing is guys I've had over two months now to think about this and I'm still not sure if I will carry again although you've all given great reasons for me to reconsider my stance. All I can say is I think its a VERY SAD state of affairs when in the united stated of America that police can confiscate my personal lawfully owned property and just refuse to return it. I also plan on speaking to my attorney tomorrow and seeing if in fact I have a civil rights lawsuit because I do fell my rights were violated that night. As an American citizen my constitution OUR constitution was put in place by the founding fathers to protect us from exactly the type of thing that happened to me.

    I do plan on taking my carry permit back and keeping it valid I just need to sleep on this a bit more as well. I've thought about filing restraining orders and such against the EX and my step son but again I just want this whole thing over and done with. As a side note if my wife's EX tries to slap a restraining order on me but that can find me to serve me with it,what happens? I got wind of this a little while ago after posting this thread. The person who told me is credible,Wow this just keep getting better huh? Is it true if I leave the state and or country the court will have no jurisdiction over me at that point tp place an protective order on me?
    Have you considered talking this over with your priest? It is a big decision, and you do have a lot of reason to reconsider carrying, now and possibly later as well.
    As far as leaving the state, I'm not sure, but leaving may reflect badly on you, and my friend you've already been through more than your fair share of bad times.
    If it were me I would think it over, talk with your lawyer about the legal aspects and religious counsel or a close trusted friend who is not part of any relationship with the kid, the ex, or your wife.
    Prayers and positive thoughts sent your way, and do let us know how things turn out for you.
    Disclaimer: The posts made by this member are only the members opinion, not a reflection on anyone else, nor the group, and should not be cause for anyone to get their undergarments wedged in an uncomfortable position.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Array bps3040's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rollo View Post
    My suggestion would be to sleep on it for a few days and then decide. My dad once told me to never make important decisions when your angry or drunk.
    +1 When I have a big decision. I write the pros and cons on a piece of paper. It helps a lot. Good luck.
    Socialism: A great Idea...'til you run out of other people's money. Margaret Thatcher

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  7. #37
    Senior Member Array 1911luver's Avatar
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    Well first off my gun was almost always on me even at home,when it wasn't it was a quick access vault. On that night I'd arrived home from work and as I always did removed the gun/holster and placed it on my dresser and proceeded to change into some sweats.

    I'd say it wasn't there 5 minutes before the argument ensued. my wife and I were talking to her son about him bringing marijuana into the house and it was during this time her EX simply walked into my house. I didn't even know he was there until he walked into my bedroom.

    I know for a fact he was high as he smelled of marijuana had really bloodshot eyes and could was just fried on god knows what else. In hindsight was it a bad idea to have my gun out? Maybe I dunno but I don't feel this was irresponsible of me either. I tried telling the police that her EX was in my home uninvited and they wouldn't hear it my stepson told the police he invited him in another lie.

    The police said because his son who lives there invited him inside I couldn't press charges for him trespassing. And that I was wrong for even touching the gun,***?! They meant my gun in my house and what was I to do let him grab it and shoot me with it?

    My gun was always within my reach and or control on that night it just got out of hand and happened so fast that I reacted and simply wanted control of my weapon A.S.A.P. I had the forethought that one of them could grab it that is why I grabbed it and why if it wasn't on my hip it was locked up.
    Snub nose revolvers,the original concealed carry guns.

  8. #38
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Dude, you got hosed. Your lawyer is your best legal advisor on all of the dynamics of this matter. Counseling may help the domestic issues to some degree. You've already taken several steps back, let everything perculate, and then proceed with caution. Prayer sure helps.
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
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    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.

  9. #39
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    1911Luver : get your lawyer to call the Chief of Police and for him to pick up the gun so there are no issues, and he can return it to you. The EX - husb is messing with you and knows the system, if he files a protection order, he knows you won't be able to get the gun back and they can suspend your license for the time being. He's trying to make you pay for marrying his Ex, and to show you & his son that he's the one in control. He's a game player who enjoys the game, lives for the game, and it won't stop unless he figures out you aren't going to play.

    Do everything totally in a "legal" manner. Don't get suckered into his game, like he's trying to get you to do. Don't approach or contact him in any manner ... or it will turn into ... see, see, he's messing with me to the Police.

    Your atty can advise you. A protection order on him seems in order.

    There are people who if you do something it stirs them up worse. Then there are those , that sound like him, which keep going and going until they figure out you aren't playing the game.

    Patience. Remember, don't react to imbeciles, it never does any good.

  10. #40
    VIP Member Array 9MMare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1911luver View Post
    Well first off my gun was almost always on me even at home,when it wasn't it was a quick access vault. On that night I'd arrived home from work and as I always did removed the gun/holster and placed it on my dresser and proceeded to change into some sweats.

    I'd say it wasn't there 5 minutes before the argument ensued. my wife and I were talking to her son about him bringing marijuana into the house and it was during this time her EX simply walked into my house. I didn't even know he was there until he walked into my bedroom.

    I know for a fact he was high as he smelled of marijuana had really bloodshot eyes and could was just fried on god knows what else. In hindsight was it a bad idea to have my gun out? Maybe I dunno but I don't feel this was irresponsible of me either. I tried telling the police that her EX was in my home uninvited and they wouldn't hear it my stepson told the police he invited him in another lie.

    The police said because his son who lives there invited him inside I couldn't press charges for him trespassing. And that I was wrong for even touching the gun,***?! They meant my gun in my house and what was I to do let him grab it and shoot me with it?

    My gun was always within my reach and or control on that night it just got out of hand and happened so fast that I reacted and simply wanted control of my weapon A.S.A.P. I had the forethought that one of them could grab it that is why I grabbed it and why if it wasn't on my hip it was locked up.

    While I am for legalizing pot (and I dont smoke it), if you know that he has it in the house, call the cops. Tell your wife that you will do so, let her tell him if she chooses.....but this can start to develop some framework for controlling his behavior in your house. (Or if found, kick him out and send him to his dad.).

    Ugly choices? Yup. That's one thing that I've see up close and personal. Sometimes there are ONLY ugly choices but when parents refuse to PARENT...to do something...things only get worse. They do not just fix themselves.

    It comes down to...which crappy choice will you make? But you have to start somewhere.

    Best wishes and you are in my prayers.
    Fortune favors the bold.

    Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.

    The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)

  11. #41
    Member Array wolfshead's Avatar
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    Life is too short to put yourself through so much stress. Do the right thing and make sure you don't surround yourself with people who will ruin you.

    Eventually you won't regret making tough decisions.
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    Aerospace Designer, Freemason, NRA member

  12. #42
    Senior Member Array preachertim's Avatar
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    1911luver I feel your pain and have experienced some of the pain you are treading first hand. I would reccomend some outside help. Sometimes things become to crowded in our world to see the truth. Psych doctors call it a paradigm shift. You can t experience that until you get the right perspective. You will soon find your directional bearing and look back with Wisdom and a change in life that can not be bought or sold. So get up and keep going! It s not how many times you get knocked down but How many times you get up! You are going to make it my friend and I am praying for youand your family .
    Why Would A Preacher ever need a Gun? Its Not for the Sheep , its for the Wolves!

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  13. #43
    Member Array TapRackBang's Avatar
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    It was not getting the firearm that landed you in trouble. It was the lies...

    I don't believe that you have enough to get a restraining order & and if you do he can have a hearing..The lies will start again and the money will flow from your pockets into the lawyers.

    I don't understand why you can't get your firearm back, If they dismissed the charges, then that's your property and you have a legal right to it. Property can not be forfited without a hearing..

    If the attorney cut a deal where they get to keep the gun for not prosecuting..you need a better attorney..

    Send the husband a letter certified mail that he is not to be at you property and if he goes there, you will prosecute him for trespassing. Keep a copy of the letter and the return of service.

    The kid is a different problem. He needs a life lesson...
    "Arms in the hands of individual citizens may be used at individual discretion..in private self defense." John Adams

  14. #44
    Ex Member Array HollowpointHank's Avatar
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    Your problem was not carrying or concealing or having a permit to carry. Your problem was NOT having your weapon on you!!! When you changed into your sweats, the gun should have been placed back on your person then. Had it been on you, this situation would never have gotten you arrested!! Don't give up your rights because YOU didn't exercise them!!!!

  15. #45
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    1911luver, you are not the bad guy...remember that...nothing to regret or be embarrassed about. I say stay the course and carry, for the good guys need more like you.

    In the past I too faced some abuse from our legal system. It is a totally helpless feeling and carries over long after the event. But we can't let it beat us, we must prevail.

    Best wishes...hang in there my friend.
    "It's a big gun when I carry it, it is also a big gun when I take it out” – Clint Smith

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