Need advice,don't know if I want to carry any more

This is a discussion on Need advice,don't know if I want to carry any more within the Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions forums, part of the Defensive Carry Discussions category; To me it's a relative risk thing. In some situations I carry, usually at night when I'm on foot alone - other night conditions I ...

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Thread: Need advice,don't know if I want to carry any more

  1. #46
    Ex Member Array hamlet's Avatar
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    Oct 2006
    new york
    To me it's a relative risk thing. In some situations I carry, usually at night when I'm on foot alone - other night conditions I also carry.
    During the day I usually don't. While I know anything can happen anytime, realistically night, in my neighborhood - especially on foot - has enough increased risk for me that I want to.

    Other times, usually it would be very, very unlikely a violent crime against me would occur - it could, but so could a zillion other things -so the negatives about CCW for me then, weight of the gun all the time, the risks legally etc. outweigh the benefits.

    Look at your own situation realistically. What actual risk are you entailing by not carrying? That can help to make a decision.

  2. #47
    VIP Member Array gottabkiddin's Avatar
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    "Eagleks" sums it up perfectly IMO, period. There's a ton of good advice here, but bottom line is what's best for you! You are the victim here.

    With respect to you. The kid sounds like a time bomb just waiting for a reason to blow. You should take serious precautions. IMO, the situation that lead to your arrest has added to his propensity toward hostile acts aimed at both you and your wife. I could be wrong, but unfortunately the only one that can help the kid will be the kid himself, he's gotta want the help and until that happens, you're gonna be in the same spot somewhere down the road I'm afraid.

    Your wife really needs to step up in this situation IMO. It's her kid sure, but her kid has hurt someone else that's supposed to be her soulmate and she needs to fix it, or allow you to call the shots and step back.

    Good luck to you. Keep your CCP. Anger, hurt and all the other emotions will pass in time. As others stated, life goes on.

    "If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." Thomas Jefferson

  3. #48
    Distinguished Member Array razor02097's Avatar
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    Oct 2009
    This is the kind of crap that keeps me single.

    I can't give you advice or recommendations. I don't know your situation either. If I had a choice I would still keep the permit for as long as I could. As far as carrying that is entirely up to you. The only thing I can suggest is to run... far far away. Make some new friends and keep around people you know. Always have an alibi. Since you are Catholic go prey at your church. God works in mysterious ways, you never know when lady luck will smile on you and what her sister Karma may bring.

    Best of luck to you
    There is something about firing 4,200 thirty millimeter rounds/min that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

  4. #49
    Ex Member Array BikerRN's Avatar
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    State of Discombobulation
    Quote Originally Posted by 1911luver View Post
    Well as some of you here know from my recent thread about my recent arrest and subsequent out come of the state not filing charges against me. Long story short I'll have my carry permit reinstated this week or next week,however I'm not sure I want to resume carrying. I state this because after spending a night in county lock up it got me thinking about something,and that is what if I'm ever forced to use my gun in SD? What if I get railroaded like the night I was arrested having done nothing wrong in the first place?

    I still feel a bit jaded about the whole thing because let me tell you we are not innocent until proven guilty,its the other way around. I realized its been this way for a long time I guess,take my ordeal for example. I was an innocent man arrested,spent a night in jail(which was horrible,the worst experience of my life),got stuck with thousands in legal fees,still have the arrest record(I have to pay $1,200 to get my arrest record expunged) and after all this my license to carry was suspended BEFORE I was even charged let alone convicted of ANY crime. And to top this all off the local police refuse to return my gun.

    So all this has got me thinking what if I have to draw my weapon in the future to stop a crime but not fire it? Will I be charged AGAIN with a crime I didn't commit,even if I call the police first? I'm still undecided on if I should carry again or not I still believe in the right to carry and own a gun and the right of self defense,but I don't want to end up in prison either.,what if I hesitate for that split second and it costs me my life? What are your thoughts on this guys should I start carrying again and risk legal issues of not?
    First off, welcome to our legal system.

    It sucks, but it's the best system I've seen in various localities. Only you can decide if the alternative to carrying is better. Nobody can do that for you, only you. Since firearms and lethal force should only be used as a last resort,

    The only alternative to not using your firearm is death or grave bodily injury.

    That is your decision, and only your's to make. If you think death or a grave bodily injury is a better alternative to a night, or even a year, in jail then yes, you are better off not carrying.


  5. #50
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    Array DaveH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by limatunes View Post
    Well, you are certainly being faced with a part of the carry decision that I think too many people take very lightly or do not consider at all when they choose to carry for self defense.
    That is the crux of the issue, IMHO.

    You have come face-to-face with an issue that most of us try to ignore. It's there for is all of us, to some degree, but most of is are ignorant of it or try to not think about it.

    I know of many who have had variations of this scenario dumped on them as part of a separation and/or divorce. It's real and it can be a . Sometimes, it's just a dirty trick to take advantage of the system, w/o any connection to any action on the part of the individual it is dumped on.

    IMHO, the real issue (and you are the only one that can make the call) is the likelihood of a recurrence -- based on your current situation and the your current relationships.

    Good luck on your call and the results.

    BTW -- It doesn't have to be a permanent call on your part, now. However, if things go bad, the courts will make it a permanent call, for you. Good luck.
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  6. #51
    Senior Member Array boatail's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIGguy229 View Post
    Think about the gain vs loss...if you have to shoot someone to defend yourself or your family, you and your family will be'll also be investigated and possibly charged.

    The other side of it is: you don't carry, hope you are never confronted by a BG who wants to take your wallet, your wife and your life...and you can't do anything about about it. You'll be dead....or worse, your family member will be dead and you have to live with it.

    Meanwhile, it's obvious your step-son has some criminal tendencies and is willing to do anything to bury you (being an addict). What is your family situation looking like now? (rhetorical--no need to address in this forum if you do not desire). It's obvious that you and your stepson cannot be in the same house--what happens the next time he gets mad at you and calls 911 and accuses you of stabbing him/threatening him with a knife?

    Even if you don't carry, you still risk being arrested based on the report of a 15-yr old addict....and based on what I've read from your posts--the mom will side with him over you. Not a good situation.

    Also, have you consulted with an attorney to retrieve your firearm?
    I have'nt read the OP, but based on the above..I would be looking to change some things in MY life if these things are true. More than a carry issue ,too. Sounds like you're outnumbered. As to the carry issue, the old saying "better judged by 12 than carried by 6" would apply.
    Good luck...hope it all works out for you

  7. #52
    New Member Array fuzzydba's Avatar
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    Even the best scenario's don't look that positive, but NOT carrying will not make anything better. You are out of the situation and need to stayh out.

    1. The teen-ager is a ticking bomb. Whether it gets you, your wife, the rest of the family doesn't matter; it's going to happen. The kid is a problem and your wife isn't going to start parenting. You can not be around him.
    - If that means that you cannot be around your wife then the kid wins.
    2. The EX is another bomb. He's wanting to control the wife and you. For all we know the Ex and your wife might have bought the house so he still feels like he has the right to be the boss. Right now he's winning.
    - Get on the offensive and off of the defensive.
    3. You have been away from your home and have been in jail due to trumped up allegations (notice I didn't say "charges"?) *AND* you had the gun. Having the gun didn't cause the problem but not having guns in the future might.
    I can allege that someone attacked me and that person will be hauled off if even 1 other person agrees with my allegation.
    - Your wifes Ex, your stepson are dangerous to you.
    - Your wife refusing to play hardball is dangerous to you.

    Sit back and look at the options. I agree that marriage is sacred but unless your wife makes some hard decisions (they are NOT yours to make) this is a situation that you cannot win in...
    My Dad always said that "blood is thicker than water" and he was right; in this case you were and are on the outside.

  8. #53
    VIP Member Array Tom G's Avatar
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    I think I would consult a lawyer and try to recoup my out put in legal fees and gun. If you have a kid in the house that is on drugs you should have all guns and valuables locked up. Ive been through this myself with a son who got on drugs. The ex husband should never be allowed to enter the house again and if the wife dose not agree with this maybe she should go with her loser ex husband. If the gun had not been out you might not have lost it. I hope you get your money and gun back & all your troubles go away.

  9. #54
    VIP Member Array Tom G's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mr.stuart View Post
    Our legal system is to be feared more than the BG's,in my opinion. Domestic problems are the worst. I understand why you would not carry now.I wish you the best.

  10. #55
    VIP Member Array bsnow's Avatar
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    My friend, I have read this and the best I can say is right now sleep on it. I will have to do the same so that I can give any sensible advice. This is a seriously messed up situation you are in, you got hosed. I cannot even begin to relate to what has happened to you. I do however deeply feel very bad for you and I will share it with the Lord in my prayers. I will say this in closing, I did have a situation 2 decades ago with my ex and her new hub that almost but not quite got me in the same ordeal. Hang in there, sleep on it, don't make any rash decisions.
    Blessed be the LORD my strength which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight. PSALM 144:1

    I CLING to my guns and my Bible.

  11. #56
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    I can't agree with these guys more. You can't let yourself get down because of this situation. You know your rights and you know what went down. You need to just get to the point where you can deal with what the real problems are, and I'm pretty sure they aren't you.
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  12. #57
    Senior Member Array 1911luver's Avatar
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    This has been a rough ordeal my wife and I have been through hell because of her son. And as far as him being ticking time bomb,well he has already attacked my wife four times two of those times with a butcher knife and one with a piece of broken glass. Both times she wasn't cut or stabbed.

    On all four of these occasions she called the police and he was taken to the local mental health hospital and placed on a baker act watch for 72 hours. Also all the times we've been stolen from as well,my reasoning is if after all this my wife can't see what a danger this kid is then what hope is there?

    I asked her just this morning if she was willing to wait until her son does something a lawyer can't fix. Her reply was less than encouraging. I also think some of you here are correct in having a gun is the least of my worries at this point. I know there are no guarantees in life but its seems mine is if I simply don't return to that situation.

    I have some really tuff choices ahead of me,but after being away from that situation for two months it looks even more crazy. I've learned in life the denial is a VERY POWERFUL weapon and if he were my son he would have been locked up in drug rehab a long time ago.
    Snub nose revolvers,the original concealed carry guns.

  13. #58
    VIP Member Array sass20485's Avatar
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    Being a step parent can be the most difficult job in the world, and I speak from experience. Most times you are pushed to the sidelines and forced to just watch the game being played. This kid has been allowed to rule the house, and having no responsibility for his actions. Your wife has allowed this repeatedly, and now some serious damage has been done to you. Apparently her actions fail to match her words. You apparently have no real say or vote in what goes on with this dangerous menance, her son. You also have the interloping ex to deal with. Your only real choice and action for you to end this madness and misery is for you to to LEAVE. Sure, easy for me to say, as I have no emotional investment. But, true logic with a clear head, would tell you the same. Cut your losses and go now, before things get worse, and you know they will. Nothing has changed from all his past episodes, other than the magnitude of the YOU.

    Good luck my friend, tough choice, but the cards you hold are a losing hand.

  14. #59
    New Member Array fuzzydba's Avatar
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    1911, This isn't easy to say...
    I was married for 10 years, then wife wanted a divorce, then single again, then married again (20 years) and became an instant step-father, then a father.
    Being a step-father with the Ex in the picture is worse than hard. Your situation with the stepson and drug involvement AND ex and drug involvement AND your relationship with your wife (you do not agree on HER children) make this a situation that I can see very few positive endings in.

    Your replies "my reasoning is if after all this my wife can't see what a danger this kid is then what hope is there? I asked her just this morning if she was willing to wait until her son does something a lawyer can't fix. Her reply was less than encouraging.":

    The kid's in control. Your wife isn't going to change things.

    For your own safety, you cannot return.

    The comment
    denial is a VERY POWERFUL weapon and if he were my son he would have been locked up in drug rehab a long time ago.
    may be true: It's different when it's your own flesh and blood... Just remember that denial applies to your situation as well!

    Keep your head about yourself, keep everything for your lawyer, and talk to your priest about the options that you have.
    Unfortunately, you are not in control of this situation, but you do have to take care of yourself.

  15. #60
    VIP Member Array 9MMare's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1911luver View Post
    And as far as him being ticking time bomb,well he has already attacked my wife four times two of those times with a butcher knife and one with a piece of broken glass. Both times she wasn't cut or stabbed.

    This is new info.

    There is no way in Hell this kid should ever be allowed in your home...and shouldnt have been on the nite of the incident. Move home, change the locks, add/update security system. Tell wife if she let's him in, she's out too. If she wants to see him, make it a public neutral place and be there to protect her.

    You have no control over this kid. You do however, have control over your relationship with your wife. She needs the tough love with the kid. You need the tough love with her....either stop it now, or it stops on it's own anyway after alot more damage is somebody dead or you in jail.
    Fortune favors the bold.

    Freedom doesn't mean safe, it means free.

    The thing about "defense" is that it has practically nothing to do with guns. (As passed on by CCW9MM)

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