Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
It is a little known fact that Jack Bauer’s tears cure cancer. The problem is Jack never cries.
If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…
Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack Bauer.
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re dead.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
When you open a can of whoop-butt, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
Jack Bauer isn’t hiding from the world, the world is hiding from Jack Bauer.
Children don’t believe in Santa anymore because they know Jack Bauer killed him. The few people that believe in Santa know that Jack Bauer is torturing him.
If Jack Bauer had been on Oceanic 815 there would no Lost.
Jack Bauer can sneeze with his eyes open.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer shouldn’t be compared to Jesus. Jack rose from the dead not once, but twice.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.