Some thoughts. My apologies for the length, but perhaps some of this can help you rethink your options, steps for finding something that'll work.
After trying dozens of different types of pants and jeans, I'm coming to terms with the fact that pocket carry may not be for me.
PF-9 ... Carhartt, C.E. Schmidt, dress pants, slacks, cargo pants, military fatigues, etc. No matter what, it's plainly obvious that there is something larger than a cell phone or wallet in my pocket.
Some suggestions/tips:
- Select pants with a pocket cutout that allows straightforward grabbing and draw of your concealed gun, yet isn't such a yawning chasm that everyone three aisles over can see it.
- Choose a pants size that's 1-2 sizes larger and/or opt for a "relaxed" style of pants that allows for a greater amount of material/movement around the hips. Both of these can affect how much room there is in the pocket, beyond mere pocket size/shape.
- Choose pants with some stretch/give in the material, if possible. Some materials have this; most don't.
- Choose thicker, straighter-falling material for your pants, as this can better hide a bulky item in the pocket. It needs to "billow" around the gun+holster sufficiently well to be comfortable and move somewhat, but you need to avoid it being too tight that the bulk/curves become patently obvious. For example, on me at least, t-shirts with a ~5oz material can't conceal worth a darn, whereas ~8-10oz can do it quite well, same shirt dimensions. I've found the pants material works similarly, in regard to hiding a shape and avoiding sharply conforming to that shape.
- Accept that the basic bulk suggesting you've got something in there is common, largely unavoidable with many/most folks. But as most folks have a monstrous cell phone, wallet or other thingy in their pockets, it shouldn't be seen as an absolute failing, so long as it's not pronounced, and so long as it's nowhere near clearly a firearm. If it's clearly a firearm, your pants/pockets are too bloody tight, pure and simple, else you've got a 3in diameter leg that won't hide anything.
- IMO, a dark black color tends to hide very well, as can a tan khaki, but depending on the severity of curve (ie, on a rail-thin person's leg), no amount of color can hide certain sharp edges if they're too pronounced for the degree of curve on the leg. I'd avoid "striped" fabrics (ie, herringbone, corduroy and others where the weave or coloration can show shape distortions more easily).
- A cargo-style pocket that has integral "bellows" in the surrounding pants material can afford some of the best concealment and shape, but it can feel/look awfully baggy to some folks. Not for everyone. Getting the right amount of space vs. bagginess can be trial-and-error. IMO, no other way around this.
Assuming your leg/hip shape isn't such that carrying standard-sized wallet is uber-visible, then it shouldn't be impossible to find a proper combination of clothing+holster+gun that'll work.
Though, you
have said a good dozen pants have come and gone. So, perhaps the issue is more with the holster itself and the degree of curve it's able to apply to the dimensions of your chosen gun (within the curve/shape limitations of your own leg, of course).
Factors I've considered for pocket carrying:
Clothing: Ensuring the pants/pockets I select have (a) sufficient material and space to allow for "billowing" coverage around the gun's shape, more or less, and (b) sufficiently easy/hard access to both secure the gun and allow me to quickly access it if need be.
As you might have found out, not all pants allow for this. Pockets are sized differently, the material is a certain thickness/weight, the material billows a certain way to cover the gun's shape as you move.
Gun: Of course, there's a maximum size limit on any gun+holster for a pair of pants, no matter who you are. Your clothing's weight, pocket size/shape, and your body shape, is going to dictate the gun's basic allowable dimensions. I've carried a Kel-Tec PF-9, Kahr PM9, Ruger LCP, Kel-Tec P3AT. I've successfully ensconced a H&K P2000SK in some of the cargo-style shorts that I have, too, though I wouldn't recommend doing so on a regular basis.
Gives you a picture of the size/volume of pockets I'm willing to do, in order to accommodate a gun+holster combination. Have also done a S&W 442 snubbie revolver in a Mitch Rosen
Pocket Softy holster, in both Dockers style slacks and jeans, sized a bit larger/relaxed than normal in order to accommodate the additional contents in the pocket.
Holster: A holster can basically be a flat/square-ish "brick" that doesn't conform to the curve of your leg at that spot, in which case you can pretty much expect it to stand out much more easily than a holster that's decently curved to your leg. Can't do too much, of course, since the given gun is what it is.
But not all holsters are equal, in this respect. Part of it has to do with the leather material used, partly with how the backing is shaped, and partly with how the edges are smoothed/curved to avoid the sharper, squarer edges that are so often a problem. Look for a holster that has a bit of this basic curve to it, with smoother foward-facing edges.
One method some holster makers use to attempt to hide the edges is to fasten a flat "plate" of leather or kydex onto the front panel of the holster, hiding the edges; making it look roughly like a big checkbook.
I made a leather cargo pocket holster which keeps the gun secure, but walking makes the whole pocket kinda swing and it hits me in the leg. Not very good if I ever had to run.
Well, carrying a holstered firearm is a compromise: clothing, size/shape of the gun+holster, comfort, safety during activities, utility during need to draw/use. Ain't nothing perfect, in this game.
And short of jeans, IMO there aren't really good solutions to completely avoid a swinging/slapping motion while still affording reasonably quick access. Most folks find the "cargo" style pockets to allow sufficient room. Though, the more room in there, the more it's going have leeway to swing along as you walk.
Some holster options to consider, for the Kahr PM9:
BTW, I've carried a Kahr PM9 in a K&D Holsters Pocket Defender Plus (with a front-facing panel). Didn't have much curve to it, but the flat panel combined well with my chosen pants (cargo-style 7-Pocket Hiker pants/shorts from Cabela's) that it worked fairly well, at least on me. Yes, it flopped around a bit, but it was impossible to tell what was in there, and hard to tell anything was in there beyond a wallet.
I'd prefer a bit more curve to the holster's overall shape, myself, and to have the overall holster's dimensions reasonably closely mirror the interior pocket volume, both to keep it upright and to avoid as much visibility as possible. Haven't ever found one that's perfect, at least for my leg shape and preferred clothing choices.