Share your stupid stories

This is a discussion on Share your stupid stories within the General Firearm Discussion forums, part of the Related Topics category; I was testing the outer zone security system on a minuteman icbm site (the capsule jocks had been getting a lot of false alarms) and ...

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  1. #31
    Member Array chivvalry's Avatar
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    I was testing the outer zone security system on a minuteman icbm site (the capsule jocks had been getting a lot of false alarms) and part of the testing necessitated grabbing hold of the fence around the site and shaking it back and forth vigorously to simulate wind moving the fence around and possibly triggering the system. It was hot and I had stripped off my uniform and put on a pair of shorts... our guards (AF security police) had, unbeknownst to me, fallen asleep in the truck on the other side of the site and so missed the last couple of security check-ins with the launch control facility. Up pulls an armed response team in a "peacekeeper" armored truck to the sight of some sweaty guy shaking the fence like a mad man and the guards sprawled out in the truck. Airman first class ******* pops up out of the turret with his M60, points it at me, and racks the charging handle... *eep* Fortunately it didn't go bang but I did end up laying in the dirt for awhile until they figured out our guards weren't actually dead.

    Another incident, we are waiting off site for the security system to reset so we can leave and one of the guards in the back seat pulls out a mag and pops out a 5.56 round. He proceeds to wiggle and twist and pull on the bullet until he gets it out of the casing... at which point I realize what he's doing and say, ***? He's like, "watch man this is cool" and dumps the powder out of the case onto the top of the front seat between me and my assistant. He then lights the gunpowder with his lighter... little *whoosh* and he laughs like an idiot. I'm thinking, "this dude is screwed when he goes to turn in his ammo" and then he pushes the bullet back into the case AND PUTS THE BULLET BACK IN HIS MAG. I reported his ass when we got back to base and they had to take out of service every single round this guy had ever touched.
    "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
    You are not paranoid if They are actually out to get you, however, They probably are not and you probably are.

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  3. #32
    Member Array alienbogey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by matthew03 View Post
    He doubled over and I took one hell of a beating for that as she was scolding me about how he may not be able to have kids now. Haha! and he had a little boy in December of last year.
    Well, if you think about it, that only proves that his wife can have kids......
    Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.

  4. #33
    Distinguished Member Array Dragman's Avatar
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    Ok, this is bad. We took a C02 air rifle and cut the barrel down and attached via pipe cement and duct tape a piece of pipe that was just big enough to fit a 12 gauge slug. Lets just say that a pellet is strong enough to make a primer go boom and somehow god looks out after stupid kids cuz we didn't get hurt but the air rifle was dead!
    To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women

  5. #34
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dragman View Post
    Ok, this is bad. We took a C02 air rifle and cut the barrel down and attached via pipe cement and duct tape a piece of pipe that was just big enough to fit a 12 gauge slug. Lets just say that a pellet is strong enough to make a primer go boom and somehow god looks out after stupid kids cuz we didn't get hurt but the air rifle was dead!
    Points for ingenuity and surviving unscathed, equal and opposite deductions for "what the blazes were you thinking" stupidity. Lesson learned, I'm assuming?
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    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dragman View Post
    Ok, this is bad. We took a C02 air rifle and cut the barrel down and attached via pipe cement and duct tape a piece of pipe that was just big enough to fit a 12 gauge slug. Lets just say that a pellet is strong enough to make a primer go boom and somehow god looks out after stupid kids cuz we didn't get hurt but the air rifle was dead!
    Okay, I'll fess up. When I was a kid, I took a radio antenna (gun barrel), taped a handle to it, wrapped by a rubber band with a curtain clip (firing pin), and shot a 22 rifle round out of it. That's when I learned Newton's law of every action having an equal and opposite reaction, when the casing raised a nice red welt on my stupid forehead.

    I had forgotten about that one...
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  7. #36
    Distinguished Member Array Dragman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paaiyan View Post
    Points for ingenuity and surviving unscathed, equal and opposite deductions for "what the blazes were you thinking" stupidity. Lesson learned, I'm assuming?
    leason learned. now I use stronger metal and better matierials hahaha
    To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women

  8. #37
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    My brother was hunting with a 12G shotgun he had sawed off to the minimum legal length. He didn't have it on safety and was pushing through some brush and tripped... he didn't want to get dirt/mud in the barrel so he turned the gun around facing himself and used the butt of the shotgun to break his fall. It worked but his hand slipped and his thumb hit the trigger....

    he blew a chunk of his left side about 2" tall and 4" long right off his body. About an inch to the right and he would have blown out his kidney and some intestines. Just a few inches to the left and he would have taken off his left arm.

    He took off his shirt, wrapped it around himself, walked about a mile to his car, drove five miles home and thought he could clean the wound himself and hide it.

    He couldn't. It wouldn't stop bleeding.

    As my Dad was rushing him to the hospital my sisters and I went up to the bathroom.. it looked like a slaughter house.

    I spent a couple of weeks helping him change his dressing and seeing his insides as he moved because there was no skin to stitch and he just had to wait until it grew in by itself. Best lesson in gun safety I've ever gotten.

  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by limatunes View Post

    I spent a couple of weeks helping him change his dressing and seeing his insides as he moved because there was no skin to stitch and he just had to wait until it grew it by itself. Best lesson in gun safety I've ever gotten.
    Yeah, that'll do it.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  10. #39
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIXTO View Post
    Yeah, that'll do it.
    Yep, that it would. *shudder*
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  11. #40
    Senior Member Array Beans's Avatar
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    Growing up on a farm in NE Missouri, we kept a loaded Remington Model 12 .22 pump hanging over the back door in the kitchen. My uncle came up from the city for a holiday dinner. He noticed the rifle. Took it down, sighed in on a keepsake decorator plate hanging on the kitchen wall, that my grandmother had picked up when she was younger, and pulled the trigger. The plate shattered. he got a stupid look on his face, hung the gun back on the rack, not saying anything he walked out the door, got in his car and went back to his home in the city. He went without his holiday dinner that year. My grandmother really liked that plate.

  12. #41
    VIP Member Array high pockets's Avatar
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    Friend of mine, Birmingham District Judge, was PO'd at the squirrels that were eating the birdseed out of his bird feeders, so he kept a .22 rifle next to the kitchen window. That worked well for him for several weeks. Then came the day he was cleaning his 12ga on the kitchen floor, looked up and the darn squirrels were back. Yes, you guessed it, he popped a #6 shot into his shotgun, pulled it up, shot the kitchen window frame & glass, blew a hole in the screened in porch, blew up the bird feeder and missed the squirrel. Best part was listening to him try to explain the boarded up kitchen window, and the missing post on the screened-in-porch to the church group that had dinner at his house that evening. Luckily for him, none of us mentioned his faux-pas to the media when he ran for re-election to the bench.
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  13. #42
    Senior Member Array Zsnake's Avatar
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    Just wanted to say that I LOVE THESE POSTS.
    Many a laugh here. And many a lesson learned.
    Rock and Glock and morintp like this.

  14. #43
    Member Array chiefrcd's Avatar
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    Ok, I'll bite. Was about 12 years old and my next door neighbor and I built a fire at the end of a field between our houses. The field was 100' long and had a ditch at one end. So into the fire we throw this CO2 cartridge and take off running to the other end of the field.....100' away. Jumped into the ditch and covered our heads like you see soldiers do. Well, I looked up and he said you better duck and I said...man out of a million places that thing could go why would it come this way....and boom my lights went out. True story...that thing opened up like you'd cut it open and hit me in the head on the dull side...cause the other side was like razors.....and to this day I think of the millions of places that thing could have gone....and it didn't.

    I do have one other....I got married......twice.
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  15. #44
    Distinguished Member Array RevolvingMag's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by high pockets View Post
    Friend of mine, Birmingham District Judge, was PO'd at the squirrels that were eating the birdseed out of his bird feeders, so he kept a .22 rifle next to the kitchen window. That worked well for him for several weeks. Then came the day he was cleaning his 12ga on the kitchen floor, looked up and the darn squirrels were back. Yes, you guessed it, he popped a #6 shot into his shotgun, pulled it up, shot the kitchen window frame & glass, blew a hole in the screened in porch, blew up the bird feeder and missed the squirrel. Best part was listening to him try to explain the boarded up kitchen window, and the missing post on the screened-in-porch to the church group that had dinner at his house that evening. Luckily for him, none of us mentioned his faux-pas to the media when he ran for re-election to the bench.
    Squirrels are evil...
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    Please take everything I say with at least one grain of salt- I am a very sarcastic person with a very dry sense of humor.

  16. #45
    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    When I was a freshman in high school, I went rabbit hunting with my cousins in Bakersfield. I was really excited, because Uncle George let me use his Browning semi-auto .22. Now, I lived about 2 hours north of Taft, CA (where we were hunting) and we had neither katydids or rattlesnakes in my area; they had both here. I was following both of my cousins through the desert, and we all passed a tumbleweed on our left side and I was last in line. If you are not familiar with katydids, they have a buzz that sounds amazingly like rattlesnake when you are not familiar with either! My cousins tell me that I emptied 15 rounds of .22 into the tumbleweed at point-blank range in 2-3 seconds. They were in hysterics laughing at me,and to this day, the first thing they say when we meet is "remember when you murdered the tumbleweed and traumatized that poor bug?"
    John
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