A service I'm offering

Well, with the impending 12/21/12 death sentence fast approaching, I've decided to offer a service to all my fellow DC.com friends.
I had a medium contact Yik'in Chan K'awii, a long ago mighty ruler of the Mayans, and he has granted me protection against the force of destruction that, trust me, is about to hit.
So, here is what I'm offering: For the paltry sum of $200, if you are one of the unlucky ones, I will come to your house and make sure all of your precious weapons are cleaned and oiled on a yearly basis. It doesn't matter how far away you are from where I live-- I'll be on the road a lot visiting all of my clients (well, ex-clients).
I will need payment by the 19th, and will of course need all of your security codes and any combinations to safes you might have in your house.
I know, I know, it's so selfless of me to offer this. I could charge much more, but hey, I'm a giver.
So, send me your money for the well being of your loved guns.

PS-- no refunds given.

:scruntiny: Wait a minute. First off, do you like beef jerky?

Anytime it's available.