Dealing with a family member that is anti-gun

Dealing with a family member that is anti-gun

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Thread: Dealing with a family member that is anti-gun

  1. #1
    Member Array lnferno's Avatar
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    Dealing with a family member that is anti-gun

    I apologize if this topic has been posted. I did try to use the search feature and maybe I wasn't searching for the right terms. Searching for 'family' in the title brought up a lot of hits like welcoming a firearm to the family, heh.

    Anyways, I have a brother in-law that is as anti-gun as you can get. Kind of an ironic backstory on him though. He actually used to own a handgun, but after he and his wife got into an argument about him getting caught having an affair, he went nuts and starting waving his gun around his wife and child like he was going to kill himself or something. His wife called the cops on him and he was locked up for 3 days. He was clinically diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He now has a 5150 on his record and is not allowed to own a firearm (thank goodness). This was back in 2008. Since then, ironically enough (or conveniently enough depending on how you want to look at it), he is now anti-gun. A couple of weeks after the Sandy Hook incident, he and I started to get into a bit of a debate about gun-control and I should have seen this coming, but rather than having a civil debate, he quickly felt defeated and resorted to name-calling. At that point, I blocked conversation from him after repeated attempts for him to just drop it. Now he's telling my wife's family members that I'm an extremist gun idiot and making other personal attacks on me. I am a responsible gun owner. My guns are locked up in a safe, I've taken firearms and NRA classes and am waiting on my CCW permit, etc. Contrary to him, I'm mentally stable, have an impeccable background (besides a couple of speeding tickets), and have a working moral compass (haven't cheated like he has).

    I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice in terms of how you deal with an in-law in this situation. A lot of these comments he is making, he is making to my wife's family members. I'm trying my best to take the high road and not slander him as I don't think a lot of his family members know that he has a 5150, has cheated, and has been clinically diagnosed with being bipolar, but man, it is taking everything that I have to try to take the high road here to not let his family members know the other side of the story.
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  2. #2
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    This is an easy one. Anyone who would wave a gun at his family is a crazed fool, and I don't quarrel with crazed fools.
    "If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world, but I am sure we would be getting reports from Hell before breakfast."
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    Ex Member Array humblenutto's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike1956 View Post
    This is an easy one. Anyone who would wave a gun at his family is a crazed fool, and I don't quarrel with crazed fools.
    This ^^

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    Shoot him in the big toe!! IM kidding im kidding before anyone gets all fuzzed up. DO NOT SHOOT HIM IN THE TOE!!!

    Now seriously, with this guys mental and such background the first thing I would be sure to do is keep an eye on this guy. Just because the law says he cant get a gun dosent mean he cant. If hes that unstable then I would make a point to be watchful for this guy. Call me paranoid if you want, but a lot of folks wind up pushing up daises after ticking off some loony toons but didnt think they were capable of hurting them because they knew the person or related to em.

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    Member Array COVER6's Avatar
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    I have a similar problem with a brother-in-law. Not near as bad as yours but still, he is a full time musician and lives in NYC. Over the holidays we had some spirited conversations on FB. He proceeded to go with the name calling and accusations. I continually called him and left him messages (friendly ones) to call me. After about 5 tries in 2 days he called back. We discussed the issues and things are now fine. It was so bad I had my wife and mother-in-law sure we were going to be fighting (him 5' 5" 130lbs me 5' 10" 250lbs.) I said if we get into a fight it wont be me who starts it. I think what got through to my brother-in-law was the fact that I mentioned I have owned guns since I was 9 and have not killed anyone yet! I even went as far as, maybe I'm a slow learner. They (liberals) have no default answer for addressing a situation like that. I hope this helps, you can imagine its very tough for me since not only am I a gun owner, I make money supplying other evil gun owners holsters to carry their weapons.
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    Member Array Crashoften's Avatar
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    I personally would tell I'm to take a hike and be done with him. Any family members that wanted to listen to him and believe what he's saying without getting some kind of clarification from you should probably be told to join him. Life is to short to worry about what people who want to create drama or people who want to follow that drama. There's more important things in to be concerned with.
    Bark'n and mkphillips like this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lnferno View Post
    I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice in terms of how you deal with an in-law in this situation. A lot of these comments he is making, he is making to my wife's family members. I'm trying my best to take the high road and not slander him as I don't think a lot of his family members know that he has a 5150, has cheated, and has been clinically diagnosed with being bipolar, but man, it is taking everything that I have to try to take the high road here to not let his family members know the other side of the story.
    Pretty easy. Which one of you has more credibility - you, the gun owner with no interaction with the criminal justice system, or him, who has been medically diagnosed with a personality disorder and has been legally stripped of his right to own a gun because of his behaviors?

    Go about your life quietly. Don't respond, don't even react to his comments unless someone else makes inquiry. It takes more guts to remain quiet when facing accusations and slander form a fool than it does to respond in kind. Assuming your family other than your BIL are reasonable people, they should be able to separate the truth from the garbage he is spewing.
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    Two pieces of STRONG advice...stay away from him and ignore him completely.

    A third suggestion: If you HAVE to be around him for some family function, refer to my first two pieces of advice.

    "When you decide to roll in the mud with a pig, you'll only get muddy and the pig will love it."
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    Member Array lnferno's Avatar
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    Wow, awesome responses, all of them! Fortunately, he lives out of state, so it's good that up to this point, we only have to see him on occasion like maybe once a year or so. It's stupid, but FB has been his means of slandering me. Normally, I wouldn't give a crap about FB, but a lot of my other in-laws (who I consider family) see this garbage that he is posting. I think you guys are right. They know me well enough to know that I'm a stand up guy and know my true character.

    After our "blow-out", he texted me saying, you know this is going to make it awkward at family functions. I told him "Well, you should have thought about that when you resorted to the cussing and name calling".

    It's funny that I had a conversation/debate with two of my wife's other brother-in-laws and it was perfectly civil, intelligent conversation. Despite the fact that these other two brothers are anti-gun, I would have no problem welcoming them into my home and they wouldn't have any problem welcoming me into their home, despite our opposing view points because we all are able to keep emotions in check and respect the fact that not everyone is going to have the same viewpoints.

    Anyways, thank you guys very much for the feedback and for being a sounding board. It's good to hear feedback from uninvolved parties.

    I'm just going to do my best to ignore him.
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  10. #10
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    "....he went nuts and starting waving his gun around his wife and child like he was going to kill himself or something....."

    You don't need our advice. You know what to do. Stay away from him and keep your family away from him. Call 9-1-1 in a heartbeat if needed.

  11. #11
    Member Array AngryBadger417's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lnferno View Post
    Wow, awesome responses, all of them! Fortunately, he lives out of state, so it's good that up to this point, we only have to see him on occasion like maybe once a year or so. It's stupid, but FB has been his means of slandering me. Normally, I wouldn't give a crap about FB, but a lot of my other in-laws (who I consider family) see this garbage that he is posting. I think you guys are right. They know me well enough to know that I'm a stand up guy and know my true character.

    After our "blow-out", he texted me saying, you know this is going to make it awkward at family functions. I told him "Well, you should have thought about that when you resorted to the cussing and name calling".

    It's funny that I had a conversation/debate with two of my wife's other brother-in-laws and it was perfectly civil, intelligent conversation. Despite the fact that these other two brothers are anti-gun, I would have no problem welcoming them into my home and they wouldn't have any problem welcoming me into their home, despite our opposing view points because we all are able to keep emotions in check and respect the fact that not everyone is going to have the same viewpoints.

    Anyways, thank you guys very much for the feedback and for being a sounding board. It's good to hear feedback from uninvolved parties.

    I'm just going to do my best to ignore him.

    Well he is using FB to talk crap, think about that. Do you know anyone else who does that? How much credibility do they have? None? Exactly. I really think if your in laws who you call family believe him without talking to you about you're better off without them. I know in laws can be tough, a lot of the times it hurts worse than family when they think bad things about you. Hopefully it'll all blow over for you.
    Say 'what' again! I dare you! I double dare you!-Jules Winnfield aka Samuel L Jackson

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    I wouldn't seek out any of the family members to explain, unless someone asks you about it.

    If someone one day asks you about it, then by all means, you have every right to give your side of the story. However, at this point, you should just ignore what he posts on facebook and go on about your life.

    You might consider un-friending him on your facebook page.

    Whenever you're around him at those rare family functions, be "on guard" at all times.

    I carry concealed everywhere I go, including family functions. I also tell no one!
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    Senior Member Array KBSR's Avatar
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    The view from the high road is so nice isn't it? Stay the course, and keep to the high road, and you'll be fine. His problems are documented, and we all know, and most importantly YOU know he is wrong and you are right.

    I'd be limiting my families exposure to this guy, until he gets some help. Anyone waving a gun around, around me, is considered troubled, and in need of help.

    Be safe.
    " But if you are authorized to carry a weapon, and you walk outside without it, just take a deep breath, and say this to yourself... Baa." Col. Dave Grossman on Sheep and Sheepdogs.

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    Member Array paching's Avatar
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    You should have told him to be nice to his kids. Someday they'll choose his nursing home. Seriously.. avoid arguments with unbalanced people, you might knock'em off their rocker.
    Why?? Because at the last second, the Police are minutes away.

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    Member Array lnferno's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bark'n View Post
    I wouldn't seek out any of the family members to explain, unless someone asks you about it.

    If someone one day asks you about it, then by all means, you have every right to give your side of the story. However, at this point, you should just ignore what he posts on facebook and go on about your life.

    You might consider un-friending him on your facebook page.

    Whenever you're around him at those rare family functions, be "on guard" at all times.

    I carry concealed everywhere I go, including family functions. I also tell no one!
    Yup, I unfriended him back when this happened a couple of weeks ago and that really set him off. He's one of those guys who puts WAY too much emphasis on his social network status apparently.

    And you are right on the money -- NO ONE is going to know that I'm carrying (after I get my permit).

    What's worrisome is when he was diagnosed with being bipolar, he refused to take any meds and this blow out we had essentially was one of his "episodes" that I unfortunately got involved in. I pride myself on being drama free and hate the fact that this happened.

    It's just a shame that I've lent this guy and his family my home, my vehicle, etc in the past, but know that he realizes I'm pro-gun, in his deranged mind, I'm now this gun wielding idiot, but I guess that's bipolar for ya -- taking things to the extreme. :/

    Like I said, the one thing that bothers me is that I'm pretty sure that the rest of his extended family doesn't know about his affair, 5150, and being bipolar. He has been known to start drama, so I'm just going to do my best to ignore him and trust in the fact that the rest of the family can see through the BS.

    What's funny is my wife was chatting with her mom (the brother-in-law's mom) this evening and my wife told her mom that I think he's bipolar. It wasn't until tonight that her mom confirmed it, so that's the only way I knew about it. My wife didn't even know that until this evening when her mom confirmed it.
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