Wife will not carry a gun, Period!

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Thread: Wife will not carry a gun, Period!

  1. #1
    Member Array Chaddae52's Avatar
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    Question Wife will not carry a gun, Period!

    My wife is terrified of my guns and is FAR from even warming up to carrying one on her person or in her purse. I believe this is a result of the "text book" never taught about them and thrived on criminal killing spree representations of guns that so many "gun-haters" consume. I bring it up and she just gets scared, and yet, she likes that I have my gun when we're out for fear of being victimized!
    How do I persuade her to try a gun that she might be comfortable with (prolly a .22 or .380, she's a weak girl) and then train her to react with it safely? She has fired my 9mm xD and that resulted in crying and "I don't like it!!!"

    HELP!
    "Like a muddied spring or polluted well is a righteous man who gives way to the wicked." -Proverbs 25:26

    "If the thief is found breaking in, and he is struck so that he dies, there shall be no guilt for his bloodshed..." -Exodus 22:2

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array peacefuljeffrey's Avatar
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    Sounds like my ex-girlfriend.
    She got just about phobic when we went to the range, on two occasions. Was never gonna change, not that I could see.

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    First, Welcome to the Forum... I hope you'll stay and post here.

    Go to the following websites and study them... then purchase a couple of the books and the video I recommend. If you think your wife will at least give things a chance, these should be some great starts. Let her review the websites as well.

    Good Luck and btw... if she is not open minded, nothing much I can think of that would probably change her mind. Don't force her, but do ask her to be open minded. Do sit her down quietly sometime and without emotions getting in the way, ask her what exactly is her fear of guns? DO NOT criticize her or belittle her! Depending on what she says, you may ask her if she feels her fear is a rational fear or irrational? If she recognizes it as an irrational fear, you may be able to ease her into being open minded about learning more.

    Also, you may have to realize and come to grips with the fact that you may not be the one to teach her. Your goal may best be acheived by having someone else train and help her.

    Good Luck. If you have anymore questions after trying some of the things mentioned, feel free to ask more questions.

    Lots of good info to be had here, and people will do thier best to help ya out!

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  5. #4
    Senior Member Array Andy W.'s Avatar
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    I would try to take her out for some informal plinking with a 22.

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    Member Array LastManOut's Avatar
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    Since you are in Sin City, NV schedule a training trip for both of you to Front Sight. They seem to have a way of convincing the un-convinceable.
    I haven't been to their facility yet but I am planning to attend FS sometime next year.
    www.Frontsight.com

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array Cupcake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andy W. View Post
    I would try to take her out for some informal plinking with a 22.
    +1, nothing about self defense or ripping on her about how she shoots. Give her a few pointers and DO NOT get an attitude if she seem like she isn't listening and can't hit squat after you've told her 5 times to ________(insert training tip here). Do constantly and politely remind her of the safety rules though.

    If you can also bring up news victim stories and armed citizen successes and mention how tragic it is that some people chose not to defend themselves, she might begin to want to be responsible for herself. Don't put her into the story though, let her do that herself (probably OK to bring up what you would've done to protect you and her and the kids, if any). She first needs to see that crime can happen to anyone, including her, before she'll want to carry.

    IMO, someone who carries that doesn't want will not train. Worse, they'll never even get to know their weapon well enough to handle it safely. Good Luck, and don''t force it.
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    Member Array whitestone's Avatar
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    You may have to face that teaching her will be more difficult, more expensive, and more time-consuming than with others, but it can be done. My experience with SOME new female and child shooters is that they are really put off by the noise of a range and it makes them very nervous. They are already uncomfortable with the thought of holding a weapon and feel awkward shooting in front of others because they don't know how to handle it. A private lesson with an instructor is esssential in your wife's case. Try to go with her during a time when the range is not full, or if you can swing it, to a private range with nobody on it. This will take off a lot of the stress of shooting and allow her to concentrate better. An experienced instructor will know what to do from there.

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    Informal plinking is a great idea, but husbands/boyfriends make the absolute horrible "instructors". Just have a good time with it and outside of safety issues, keep your trap shut. You might be doing more damage than good.
    Do your self both a favor, and sign your wife up for a basic NRA course. Approach it from the angle "We have a gun in the house, you really should learn a few things about it"
    Then work your way from there. DONT FORCE THE ISSUE.
    Let her be in the drivers seat, it might take years, but its worth doing it right.
    "Just blame Sixto"

  10. #9
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    My wife never was around guns and had a fear of them. I took her plinking with .22's and she watched my shoot IDPA matches but never really wanted to fire a gun.

    I then enrolled her in a womens only firearm course. I learned that I shouldn't "teach" her. She feels comfortable around guns and likes to shoot now. She doesn't carry yet because we are waiting on her becoming a US citizen.

    +1 Cornered Cat

    And let some one else take her shooting after you do some plinking. You can even buy a Red Ryder BB gun and pop cans to get her used to guns, BB guns have the same saftey issues.
    “You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices quicker than you can convince one man by logic.”

    ― Robert A. Heinlein,

  11. #10
    Member Array Linda's Avatar
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    We have to come to the realization that not everyone thinks like we do. Not everyone should carry a gun.

    I instruct pistol/ccw classes. If a person is willing to sit thru a 12 hour class, then they have the desire to learn. Without the desire, you can not force someone to handle, shoot, become interested in carrying a gun. You just have to face that facts that she has zero interest in it, but on the other hand, she has no problem in you carrying. At least you have that going for you.

    I instruct in my class during the mindset portion, that if you can not say to yourself 110% that your life is more important than the bad guys, and should you have to draw your gun, you are willing and able to pull the trigger, then you have no business carrying a gun. The worst thing someone can do is carry just to posture, thinking they will just scare someone. That will get their gun taken away from them and used against them.

    Accept the fact that she "allows" you to carry and have them in the house. And accept the fact that you will need to be the one to protect her, not the other way around. Harping on someone to do something they don't want to do, will only push them in the opposite direction of where you want them to be.
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  12. #11
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    Well if you call her a weak girl to her face, that's just not going to help, start by seeing if she'll go to the range with you. If she sees you having fun, she may want to join in and have fun too.

    Step 1:
    Get her more comfortable with guns, you say she likes the fact that you have guns, soooo start by showing her the basic safety stuff, and ask her some questions about why she's "afraid" instead of trying to get her to start shooting, try to understand her point of view first.

    Whatever you do, don't over react to her answers by saying that's stupid or that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, insulting her won't help either.

    Just sit and talk and listen to what she has to say, once you get her take on it you can formulate a better plan. Try and find out if it's all guns or just pistols, if it's just pistols, you can start her with a .22 rifle and work from there.

    Step 2: Have fun, use some reactionary targets, clay pigeons, soup cans something that gives a visual indication. To start with DO NOT use silhouette targets, just use standard bulls eye style targets.

    Step 3: Have her look at Lima's web site http://web.mac.com/mj_lauer/iWeb/Ran...y/Welcome.html

    Shooting is mainly a guy thing, show her some other women that shoot and enjoy it.

    Get her her own gun, one that is just hers, if she's okay with rifles get her her very own .22 rifle for target practice. If it's hers she won't feel like she's borrowing YOUR stuff and intruding on your things (this may or may not help, but hey I'm trying

    Once you can get her started, be encouraging, start in close and NEVER tell her that she's doing poorly. You basicly want a rigged deal, you want her to do well so she'll keep at it, most people don't like to do things that they are bad at.

    Betty had something posted a while back that had some good ifo relating this, I'll try and find it.

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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    I bring it up and she just gets scared, and yet, she likes that I have my gun when we're out for fear of being victimized!
    Does she understand "the plan" if an attack is in progress? Will she get in the way of appropriate response, should the unthinkable happen? She definitely needs to get with the program, lest she become a liability in a situation. She needn't be comfortable with firing them herself, though that would be great, but she does need to get past the irrational fear over the mere mention of a gun. She should be able to help, but she darned well better not hinder, because that could cause you both to fail "the test" should it ever happen.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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  14. #13
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    I got asked this very question yesterday.

    I was helping a guy diagnose his 1911 problem and he suddenly just said, "You're a girl!" Wow, he's perceptive, "How can I convince my wife to carry concealed?"

    I said, "Well, do you think your wife is willing and ready to kill another human being in her own defense, if, God forbid, she ever needs to use that weapon? Do you think she's ready for the aftermath or that? The guilt, the self doubt, the legal ramifications, the questions, the scrutiny, the nightmares, possibly even depression? Is she ready to deal with that, possibly for the rest of her life? Do you think she's ready physically? Does she have the skill with a weapon to present it and use it effectively? Is she willing to put in the time and effort to learn? Because that's what's you're asking of her."

    Though I wish it were, it's not as simple as "I want my wife to be safe and so I want her to carry a gun." While I appreciate the sentiment, it's the wrong reason to get someone to carry a gun. They need to determine for themselves that this is something they are ready to do.

    Sure, starting to take her to the range and to go shooting with her are all good things, but you need to keep in mind that even people who enjoy the sport of shooting may still not want to carry a gun for personal defense and THAT'S OKAY!

    There are people out there who know themselves pretty darned well and when they say, "I'm sorry. I don't have a problem with people who carry for their own defense, but I just couldn't do it," they are just being honest with themselves and they'd probably be a lot more comfortable learning self defense through hand-to-hand training or even other non-lethal methods like pepper spray or mace or something similar.

    The decision to carry a gun is a personal decision and while I have no problem with husbands (or wives) who just present the idea to their spouse (like my husband did with me), I do not think it's right for spouses to try to trick, convince, push or scare their mate into carrying a gun.

    I wasn't even twenty-one yet when my husband sat down with me and said, "I know it's a little early, but I'd like you to at least consider getting your concealed carry permit when you turn twenty-one." And that was that. We talked about it some more but he never pushed me or tried to intimidate me into getting it. His reasons were the same as any other husband out there trying to protect his wife.

    Yes, take her to the range, educate her on guns, be patient and understanding, be supportive, but also be prepared for if this just doesn't happen. Have a back up plan and get ideas for other ways she can defend herself if she just refuses to carry a gun.

  15. #14
    Ex Member Array BikerRN's Avatar
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    Why try to force her to shoot?

    My wife doesn't like to shoot and refuses to carry. So what, I love her for more than just that. Besides, she lets me shoot, hunt and buy the guns I want.

    Marriage is about mutual respect and letting each person be the person they are and supporting the decision to be whom they are. Carry and shoot your guns, but don't force her to become you. My wife went from, "Please take that gun off the table and put it away," to actually going shooting with me one evening.

    She tried shooting and determined that it isn't for her. She respects my decision to carry and lets me shoot IDPA and SASS with no problems. In turn, I support her decision to go home to Australia every two years for a vacation and I go with her every now and then to the Dog Park with the dogs.

    Biker

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    +1

    Quote Originally Posted by BikerRN View Post
    Why try to force her to shoot?

    My wife doesn't like to shoot and refuses to carry. So what, I love her for more than just that. Besides, she lets me shoot, hunt and buy the guns I want.

    Marriage is about mutual respect and letting each person be the person they are and supporting the decision to be whom they are. Carry and shoot your guns, but don't force her to become you. My wife went from, "Please take that gun off the table and put it away," to actually going shooting with me one evening.

    She tried shooting and determined that it isn't for her. She respects my decision to carry and lets me shoot IDPA and SASS with no problems. In turn, I support her decision to go home to Australia every two years for a vacation and I go with her every now and then to the Dog Park with the dogs.

    Biker
    Just because guns are our thing does not mean they are for everyone. As long as she doesn't make demands about getting rid of the guns let her be.
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