October 25th, 2007 12:33 AM
Need help convincing the fiance
I have alot of experience with guns as I have been in law enforcement for 10 years and using guns for several years before that. Here's my problem. I recently got engaged and even convinced my fiance to go shooting with me (she's actually a fairly decent shot) the problem is that I've been eyeing a new M&P .45 and a Rock River M4. She doesn't think a) that I need any more guns (I own a modest amount at 15) and b) that I should be buying any more firearms with an upcoming wedding to pay for.
Any of you married guys out there have any advice for my dilemma? None of this saving for the wedding or you have too many guns already stuff popped up prior to our engagement.
October 25th, 2007 12:47 AM
I'm not married... and not engaged... so I don't have quite that problem...
I have talked about it with my current girlfriend... who understands that firearms are my hobby, and as a hobby, I'm going to put money into them. I don't try and tell her she shouldn't have her piano, or she shouldn't buy any more shoes...
Your fiance's comment about having the wedding to pay for may be on target, but that's something that the two of you need to address...maybe you could hold off on buying one of the two guns until after the wedding? Or maybe you have a shooting partner who can get one of them for you as a wedding gift?
Goodluck with the dilemma!
Last edited by firefighter4884; October 25th, 2007 at 12:48 AM.
Reason: i'm dumb, and forgot stuff :)
Firefighter / EMT - Always Ready. Ever Willing.
~Never do anything that you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics...~
October 25th, 2007 07:36 AM
I'm a husband, and a father whose oldest just recently got married to his high school sweetheart. I'm Active Duty Military and not LEO, but I am Aux. Security for my base if that counts for anything at all.......
First off let me say "Budget" and "Weddings" are two words that DO NOT belong together. If the future Mrs. chiboxer is going 'all out' for 'her' wedding day it'll start getting expensive......quick!
Second, your an LEO SWAT/SRT and you know what you want and need. She knows you and what she's getting into.
That said, compromise is the best course of action. Use Love, Tenderness, and Compassion when negoitating with her.
Either that or be sneaky and load those new toys into your safe when she's not looking.
I've gone both ways.......they both work!
"Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008
(Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay
October 25th, 2007 07:52 AM
October 25th, 2007 08:00 AM
Be diplomatic, be kind and considerate, and then buy any gun you please. Best to have it established right from the get-go that you won't be controlled. Much kinder than trying to undo a pattern later.
Originally Posted by chiboxer
October 25th, 2007 08:19 AM
Again, I'm going to sound like a jerk...
but you need to wear the pants if your going to wear the pants. In other words, dont fold now as you will be expect to forever. Now if there is legit money concerns, then now is not the time to buy. Part of "wearing the pants" is being responsible.
October 25th, 2007 08:27 AM
just got engaged. my fiance also wanted to buy a new gun, but unlike ur girl i loaned him the money for it instead of saying no.
Being a gun person myself i was happy about it,
but I do see where your fiancee is coming from.
You have your entire life ahead of you to deal with these kind of issues.
Better figure out how to deal with them now. Try to come up with some sort of agreement that makes you both somewhat happy. But this wont always be possible. Sometimes one of you just isnt going to be happy about something. You cant always be the one that 'gives in', but you can always ignore what she says and do it anyways. If you go out and do this, make sure that she gets what she wants next time. Or hold off on the new toy if its not something you need until later
October 25th, 2007 08:33 AM
Yes...of course...goes without saying.
Originally Posted by SIXTO
October 25th, 2007 08:39 AM
I'm a gun guy like yourself, and I've bought lots of guns during our marriage. Throughout those purchases I've managed to stay married for 33 years, so I guess I've been around the block a time or two.
Here's a few random thoughts for you:
1. For a lot of women a gun purchase by you, is a missed opportunity for a jewelry purchase for themselves. In fact, maybe that's an idea for you two, alternate on personal purchases. When you can afford it, take turns rewarding yourselves on some special item of interest.
2. Currently, the wedding is more important to her than guns. After the wedding, then baby beds, cars, new house, etc are more important to her than guns. The priorities never really change.
3. Regarding non-discussed subjects (i.e.- guns) prior to the engagement....welcome to marriage, you'll experience plenty of those.
4. Don't let the guns, or whatever, drive a wedge between you. Work something out.....compromise, yield, or make some kind of agreement. Maybe you can work some "extra duty" occasionally and dedicate that money to a gun purchase.
5. A small "selling point" to the wife is that gun values are fairly stable. You buy a NIB, of course the price falls some after its been fired, but as time goes on, coupled with inflation, the value stabilizes. Guns aren't like buying bullets, they don't get used up.
6. Usually it's harder to buy guns when you are first married and trying to establish yourselves with some financial stability. Later on it should get easier.
7. Keep her involved in shooting with you.
8. Note my sig line below, and here is my quote from a recent thread I had on "gun inventory".........."So there you have it, I did some organizing and feel good about it. I'd be glad to list the number of guns I have, but I don't think I should, that would be like throwing fuel on the fire if my wife saw that number here, she was sort of pestering me to know the total number last night"
Turn the election's in 2014 to a "2A Revolution". It will serve as a 1994 refresher not to "infringe" on our Second Amendment. We know who they are now.........SEND 'EM HOME. Our success in this will be proportional to how hard we work to make it happen.
October 25th, 2007 08:59 AM
My wife and I understand the art of compromise: she says what she wants to do, I say what I want to do, and then we do what she wants to do...
Originally Posted by SleepingZ
Seriously, there will always be differences of opinion on how best to use the available financial resources in any marriage. What works for me is - I agree to her "splurging" on something she really wants every now and then, and then I get to do the same.
Remember - your fiancee's wedding is something she probably has been dreaming about since she was a little girl. Most women do. So, just "walk softly" now as she gets to try to bring her dream to fruition.
And, please, always remember the "Married Man's Mantra": If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
"Bad spellers of the world - untie!"
DAV Life member, NRA Life member
Springfield XD 9mm Sub-Compact
Taurus PT111 Millennium Pro 9mm
October 25th, 2007 09:10 AM
After 30 years of marriage I have learned a few things.
1.Any new gun (or fishing gear) that remains in the house undetected for over 3 days is considered old equipment. As in, what new gun?
2. It's always easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask permission.
October 25th, 2007 09:14 AM
Stay with GLOCK they all look Identicle????
No just kidding.
My fiance actually likes guns. I would try and get her active in a shooting sport. IDPA, IPSC, or even TRAP/Skeet/ Sporting clays. Try differn't things.
“Are you a thermometer or a thermostat, do you reflect or become what is happening in the room or do you change the atmosphere, reset the temperature when you come into the room”?--Chuck Swindoll
Its not about guns...Its about Freedom!
October 25th, 2007 09:34 AM
Originally Posted by gunflint
D----d sound advice.
October 25th, 2007 10:53 AM
There are TWO items here, neither really have anything to do with guns.
1. "You don't need any more guns." Guess what, she is right! With 15 guns I would be willing to bet you have all your NEEDS coverred. You have WANTS not NEEDS and learning to differentiate the two is very important, particularly when in a marriage! You need to come to an agreement that you are perfectly justified in purchasing your WANTS as long as your NEEDS are fulfilled.
You then need to establish what your NEEDS are AS A COUPLE. Don't do this now and you might as well not get married and thereby save the cost of the divorce. Marriage is not just about love, lust or even long term desires. It is about partnership. You both need to come to terms with what you want out of this relationship for the long term. If her concept of what you two will need in the long term is significantly different that yours and compromise cannot be reached you are doomed.
2. "You should not be spending money on guns with a wedding to pay for." Guess what... this is exactly what I just related above. She sees a need that must be met in order to get married and you apparently do not. Getting to the root of issue one will solve issue two.
I have been married for 11 years. My wife came from a broken home where her father financially devasted the family. If a little girl has to be paranoid about money for shelter and food starting at age 7 she is going to move forward in life with a very definite concept of what financial needs she has and what wants she can accept indulging in. We discussed this from the start. I am certainly not as tight as she is but marriage is a partnership. For one spouse to have something as critical as their financial future treated in a manner they see as flippant by their life partner is devestating. It is seen as a major betrayal of trust. Some things I don't indulge in because I know the concerns she has and stress it creates are too great. Some times she is willing to relax her rules and trust my judgement in return since I have shown respect for her feelings on the subject. Together we find a middle ground.
FYI, your current problem has NOTHING TO DO with firearms. It is entirely related to trust, goals, expectations, discipline and partnership. The gun is just the item that brought the issue to the stage. Be happy it happenned now. She is also concerned now because you are engaged. Thi period is where she really has to consider "Do I want to tie my financial well being for the rest of my life to this man." Every decision you and she makes should be closely analyzed by the prospective partner. Reasons should be discussed.
If you think she is being paranoid think about this. You marry, she has one or more children, you turn into (or always have been) a financial disaster. Where does that leave her. You could divorce and now she has her life tied to her children with no supporting partner. She will live out her life at the bottom of a financial hole both of you dug but only she is now in. You can move on with ease compared to her. Now this can go the other way also but generally when a marriage colapses the one left with the kids, and without a seat when playing financial musical chairs when money is just not there, is the woman. She is also the one who has sacrificed the most to have had those children by at the least leaving work for large periods of time to give birth and at the most being a committed stay at home mom. It would behoove you to consider exactly what type of risk she is taking by committing herself to you, respect that and discuss it with her.
Any person who says that finances and the stress they can place on a relationship can't destroy that relationship is ignorant on the subject.
October 25th, 2007 10:56 AM
Excellent post. Thanks for taking the time to type all that out.
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