This is a discussion on When a guest, family, firearms, and touching a gun w/o permission within the General Firearm Discussion forums, part of the Related Topics category; Originally Posted by Thanis NBD, I think I have it figured out now, I'm just not comfrontable ignoring my mother, and I got caught in ...
If you don't want someone touching you gun then don't lay it on her table. I feel that you were wrong on that. You were in her house acting like you were 12 years old again. If it had been my house and you did that you would have left right then. Remeber she is the one that wiped you snotty nose when you were 5 years old and I think it is disrespectful for you to act that way.
Just my opinion but you said you are 35 so act like you are.
You won't win against your mother, even if you're right. Someday, she'll be gone, keep the memories happy ones.
Along with being a CHL is an obligation not to broadcast that you are CHL, because according to many (including some states), that is the same as not carrying concealed. I don't subscribe to the statement that she can force you into debates to which you do not desire to engage.She simply lacks the authority to tell me how to carry in public and she did not like that. . . . . this is not a home owner who has a problem with loaded guns.
She is like a lot of other mothers. Such an attitude can generate a lot of friction between mothers and minor children. On other hand, I hope that adult children can deal with it without it making it a federal case. If you choose to carry concealed in public with one in the chamber, then as a concealed carry permittee, that is not a topic for debate anyway (except perhaps on this forum).She does not care to understand only to be understood.
She would have no way of knowing unless you are talking too much or demonstrating how you carry. On the other hand if she is subscribed to this forum -- WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.I really did tried to aviod this issue with her. Once she caught a clue that I carried with one in the chamber (in public), some type of confrontation was assured.
Without intending to flame you, I disagree. It is time to grow some thicker skin, and remember that you are no longer a teenager engaged in a power struggle at home with his parents. She may desire to continue to treat you as a child, but that is something that all adult children have to deal with without severing a deceant parent-child relationship which should continue until the parent's demise.I'm just not sure I should feel guilt about it.
My wife and I are not blessed with children. I think it is one reason we have some interactions that are not the norm for a 69 year-old mother and 35 year-old son. Could be my hang up, hers, or maybe both.
Maybe it was the wrong choice, but I felt it was wrong to carry without telling my direct family (who I am in frequent contact with).
Not sure I can agree to a far scale of not telling anyone at all. Esp people who's home I am staying at (say visiting overnight) and esp if they have children. I don't want to get into that conversation in this tread, but perhaps a new thread could be started.
Other then my wife, (blood relation) immediate family, one friend (who has never seen my carry), two gunshop owners, and the permit grantors, no one knows I carry.
As I have stated, I had been told it was ok to clean my guns in the past. I was not seeking a confrontation.
In no way was I acting like a child. I was being treated like one.
I did make an honest mistake, I put myself in a situation to clean (getting away from others) without considering she was brewing for a fight.
I still stand by what I stated, I've found my solution.
Carry as I intend in the world, regardless of her opinion, and just understand she is my mother, and it must be hard for her to let go of that control. Her intention is my safety out of care.
Last edited by Thanis; September 9th, 2008 at 11:49 PM.
I agree 100 percent with farronwolf. Could not have said it any better.
If you didn't have her permission to CC in her home...Regardless of firing all day outdoors...You were wrong...I believe in the 2A very much so..but not to a point where it will cause a problem with my mother (in her home)...Think if the situation was reversed and it was you...Weapons in home to protect you and property...you don't believe in handguns and your child comes over and clean the weapon on the table (in your home knowing how you feel about them)...I would probably grab it as well..YOU knew her beliefs so why present the weapon in the house...Why not clean it outside or in the car...After shooting 750+ rounds w/o issues why not wait until you arrive home...
Your Mom is willing to go against her personal beliefs (handguns in her home own by someone else) than to loose her relationship with her son...If she is willing why not you? Respect her home...Also...If an intruder was to enter the home she has a handgun & shotgun...
Just my opinion...Sorry if I was at all out of place...
When my Mother was 69 she and my Father were traveling all over the US delivering cars for the local car dealers. When I say all over the US I mean from the East coast to the West coast literally. They were having a grand time.
Eight years later my Father is dead from a 20 month fight with cancer and my mother now can't even remember that I went to church with her last Sunday to see her receive a Lifetime Achievement award. I would really hate that I got into a stubbornness contest with her about whether or not she could touch my gun while it was lying on her kitchen table at 2AM.
Thank you for the thoughts, but any advise that be begins with listen to your mother about CC in her home is something I already agree with.
The issue is she was mad I would carry at work, in public, etc with one in the chamber.
NOT AT HER HOME.
But thanks for the feedback.
Ok, here's my opinion.
1. Cleaning guns after a day of shooting at 2am at your mother's house (especially when you live a few minutes away) is inappropriate.
2. Realizing that you are mentally not your sharpest at 2am is a mistake on your part.
3. Realizing that your mother may not be at her sharpest after a day of hosting the adult children and all the entertainment/hostess duties, and then deciding to clean your guns on her kitchen table at 2am is another mistake on your part.
4. Threatening to pack up the wife and go home at 2am--that's plain childish.
5. Assuming you could have gotten the wife to agree to leave may have been a mistake (cause my husband would have alot of explaining to do in this situation before I'd meekly follow him out of my MIL's home.) You know your wife better than I.
6. Congrats on making it to 35 years of age and getting married and having your own home. That's what NORMALLY happens, you are not worthy of a medal for those actions. Your mother had a lot to do with getting you to where you are in your life now. She has earned your respect and tolerance.
In short, I think you overreacted to her overreacting and are in the wrong. Carry how you think best, don't rub her nose in the fact that you think she's horribly wrong and stupid to think the way she does, and don't bring up the subject again. When she does, move it politely onto another topic and DO NOT DEBATE the issue with her.
And NEVER debate with your mother (or any loved one) at 2AM!!
Best wishes (and yes, I caught the part where you think she is controlling, she can only control you if you let her--you are 35, married and have your own home you know).
Last edited by gg12; September 10th, 2008 at 04:57 PM. Reason: typo
I'm not entirely sure if your mother is anything like mine, but as a rule.....Momma is always right, even when she is wrong. Had I sat down in front of the barrel of a gun I would have moved it too, but then again I would never have sat down in front of a weapon someone else was cleaning.
responding to gg12
1. This is something she has stated would be best. Understand this a quick clean, not a full tear down.
4. Maybe, but it is hard not to respond when being treated as a child.
5. Ya, but you have to understand some of the arguments my mother and I have. My wife would have left because lately (maybe because of the issues she has going on with her health) it is just best to walk away and make up later.
6. Sort of out of context. I'm not "proud" of these things. I am just trying to clarify this is not a "in her house" situation. She want to control my CC choice outside the homr.
Then for the remainder of your reply, I agree.