When a guest, family, firearms, and touching a gun w/o permission

[SIXTO]

NBD, I think I have it figured out now, I'm just not comfrontable ignoring my mother, and I got caught in emotion. It really is none of her business how I carry (outside of her home).

And there you have it. Respect your mother, her rules in her house; do as you wish else where within the law.

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[FN1910]

If you don't want someone touching you gun then don't lay it on her table. I feel that you were wrong on that. You were in her house acting like you were 12 years old again. If it had been my house and you did that you would have left right then. Remeber she is the one that wiped you snotty nose when you were 5 years old and I think it is disrespectful for you to act that way.

Just my opinion but you said you are 35 so act like you are.

[Guns and more]

You won't win against your mother, even if you're right. Someday, she'll be gone, keep the memories happy ones.

[cwblanco]

She simply lacks the authority to tell me how to carry in public and she did not like that. . . . . this is not a home owner who has a problem with loaded guns.

Along with being a CHL is an obligation not to broadcast that you are CHL, because according to many (including some states), that is the same as not carrying concealed. I don't subscribe to the statement that she can force you into debates to which you do not desire to engage.

She does not care to understand only to be understood.

She is like a lot of other mothers. Such an attitude can generate a lot of friction between mothers and minor children. On other hand, I hope that adult children can deal with it without it making it a federal case. If you choose to carry concealed in public with one in the chamber, then as a concealed carry permittee, that is not a topic for debate anyway (except perhaps on this forum).

I really did tried to aviod this issue with her. Once she caught a clue that I carried with one in the chamber (in public), some type of confrontation was assured.

She would have no way of knowing unless you are talking too much or demonstrating how you carry. On the other hand if she is subscribed to this forum -- WATCH WHAT YOU SAY.

I'm just not sure I should feel guilt about it.

Without intending to flame you, I disagree. It is time to grow some thicker skin, and remember that you are no longer a teenager engaged in a power struggle at home with his parents. She may desire to continue to treat you as a child, but that is something that all adult children have to deal with without severing a deceant parent-child relationship which should continue until the parent's demise.

[Thanis]

She would have no way of knowing unless you are talking too much or demonstrating how you carry. On the other hand if she is subscribed to this forum -- WATCH WHAT YOU SAY..

I'm very aware my mother (even at 69) or family might find this thread. Crossed my mind. I doubt it, but on my mind.

My wife and I are not blessed with children. I think it is one reason we have some interactions that are not the norm for a 69 year-old mother and 35 year-old son. Could be my hang up, hers, or maybe both.

Maybe it was the wrong choice, but I felt it was wrong to carry without telling my direct family (who I am in frequent contact with).

Not sure I can agree to a far scale of not telling anyone at all. Esp people who's home I am staying at (say visiting overnight) and esp if they have children. I don't want to get into that conversation in this tread, but perhaps a new thread could be started.

Other then my wife, (blood relation) immediate family, one friend (who has never seen my carry), two gunshop owners, and the permit grantors, no one knows I carry.

[Thanis]

If you don't want someone touching you gun then don't lay it on her table. I feel that you were wrong on that. You were in her house acting like you were 12 years old again. If it had been my house and you did that you would have left right then. Remeber she is the one that wiped you snotty nose when you were 5 years old and I think it is disrespectful for you to act that way.

Just my opinion but you said you are 35 so act like you are.

Thanks for the honesty. I can't agree.

As I have stated, I had been told it was ok to clean my guns in the past. I was not seeking a confrontation.

In no way was I acting like a child. I was being treated like one.

I did make an honest mistake, I put myself in a situation to clean (getting away from others) without considering she was brewing for a fight.

I still stand by what I stated, I've found my solution.

Carry as I intend in the world, regardless of her opinion, and just understand she is my mother, and it must be hard for her to let go of that control. Her intention is my safety out of care.

[wallask]

I agree 100 percent with farronwolf. Could not have said it any better.

[IfIhaveto]

Should have been, "Dealing with firearm issues: guest, family, & touching a gun w/o permission."

I'm 35. My mother is 69.

My mother is a hunter. She dislikes handguns (though she has owned one and keep it loaded for years).

I own my own house and I am married. I love my parents, and live three streets away from my parents (and four for from my brother). We are a close family, we all live around 3 miles from each other.

A few weeks ago, I was up at the family farm (parent's retirement home). Not the Kennedy compound, but 50+ acres of woods attached to several other relatives with land and farm.

I had shot several rounds (750+) and wanted to clean my guns. I waited till almost everyone was asleep and began to prep for cleaning.

Earlier in the day my mother began to lecture me on CC with one in the barrel or chamber. She felt strongly this was an unsafe method. I listened, but would not argue other then one statement, "A firearm should be treated as if it is load. For this reason, and because of SD reasons, my carry would be armed and ready."

So as I began to clean she took it upon herself to strike up the one side conversation again. As it was two AM, I started to pack up my firearms. It was crazy enough to clean at two AM, but I would rather deal with cleaning when I got home then during an argument.

I had everything about packed up, when she figured out I was not going to argue, and was prepping to put everything (but my carry) in the trunk of my car.

On the table I had my Glock, pointed toward an outside wall, unloaded. I begin to load a mag, and she sat down in front of the barrel of my gun. She grabbed my gun and moved it.

I told her to never touch a firearm I was working with unless I provided permission. She told me it was her house and she would do what ever she wanted. She "knew" more about fire arm safety then I did. In addition I was not allowed to have a loaded firearm in her house.

Understand, my mother has a .22 LR revolver loaded in this house (a stupid SD caliber I know, but at 69 it is what she felt she was comfortable with) along with a loaded double barrel shotgun.

I put the unloaded Glock (no mag) in my IWB holster. Put the loaded mag in my pocket, put the guns away. I stated my wife and I would be leaving for home shortly. That I felt that a firearm should always be considered loaded and it was improper for her to touch my firearm with out permission. That I would CC a firearm with one in the chamber, and that anytime she observes one of the firearms I own she should assume it is loaded, ready to fire, esp if it was in a holster.

She told me not to threaten leaving, I told her it was no threat. That the hypocrisy of her having loaded weapons (and her demand that I should not) combined with her lack or respect for my firearms, was a deal breaker.

She unhappily relented and said I could have a loaded piece, that she felt I was disrespectful, but would not make any demands concerning a firearm I had holstered and was in possession of.

She had me on the disrespect part, but let me make this clear, she made it about being in her home, but the real issue is that she believe no one should carry with a round in the chamber. She even stated that police don't carry with one in the barrel (ya right!). She is living with memories of one bullet Deputy Barney I think.

My mother is wonderful, giving, intelligent, people smart, and street wise (maybe not about firearms, but she has gotten herself out of a lot of jams). She is also my mother, and feels the need to not let an issue go if she feels strongly about it (esp it concerns her authority).

So, this is still an issue between my Mother and I. The bull in the room. Any thoughts. Don't hold back (nor will I)

No disrespect...My Opinion Sir...
If you didn't have her permission to CC in her home...Regardless of firing all day outdoors...You were wrong...I believe in the 2A very much so..but not to a point where it will cause a problem with my mother (in her home)...Think if the situation was reversed and it was you...Weapons in home to protect you and property...you don't believe in handguns and your child comes over and clean the weapon on the table (in your home knowing how you feel about them)...I would probably grab it as well..YOU knew her beliefs so why present the weapon in the house...Why not clean it outside or in the car...After shooting 750+ rounds w/o issues why not wait until you arrive home...

Your Mom is willing to go against her personal beliefs (handguns in her home own by someone else) than to loose her relationship with her son...If she is willing why not you? Respect her home...Also...If an intruder was to enter the home she has a handgun & shotgun...

Just my opinion...Sorry if I was at all out of place...

[FN1910]

When my Mother was 69 she and my Father were traveling all over the US delivering cars for the local car dealers. When I say all over the US I mean from the East coast to the West coast literally. They were having a grand time.

Eight years later my Father is dead from a 20 month fight with cancer and my mother now can't even remember that I went to church with her last Sunday to see her receive a Lifetime Achievement award. I would really hate that I got into a stubbornness contest with her about whether or not she could touch my gun while it was lying on her kitchen table at 2AM.

[Thanis]

No disrespect...My Opinion Sir...
If you didn't have her permission to CC in her home...

Again, the issue is not CC in the home. She did not want me to CC with one in the chamber outside of a house...for example work.

Thank you for the thoughts, but any advise that be begins with listen to your mother about CC in her home is something I already agree with.

The issue is she was mad I would carry at work, in public, etc with one in the chamber.

NOT AT HER HOME.



But thanks for the feedback.

[gg12]

Ok, here's my opinion.

1. Cleaning guns after a day of shooting at 2am at your mother's house (especially when you live a few minutes away) is inappropriate.

2. Realizing that you are mentally not your sharpest at 2am is a mistake on your part.

3. Realizing that your mother may not be at her sharpest after a day of hosting the adult children and all the entertainment/hostess duties, and then deciding to clean your guns on her kitchen table at 2am is another mistake on your part.

4. Threatening to pack up the wife and go home at 2am--that's plain childish.

5. Assuming you could have gotten the wife to agree to leave may have been a mistake (cause my husband would have alot of explaining to do in this situation before I'd meekly follow him out of my MIL's home.) You know your wife better than I.

6. Congrats on making it to 35 years of age and getting married and having your own home. That's what NORMALLY happens, you are not worthy of a medal for those actions. Your mother had a lot to do with getting you to where you are in your life now. She has earned your respect and tolerance.

In short, I think you overreacted to her overreacting and are in the wrong. Carry how you think best, don't rub her nose in the fact that you think she's horribly wrong and stupid to think the way she does, and don't bring up the subject again. When she does, move it politely onto another topic and DO NOT DEBATE the issue with her.

And NEVER debate with your mother (or any loved one) at 2AM!!

Best wishes (and yes, I caught the part where you think she is controlling, she can only control you if you let her--you are 35, married and have your own home you know).

[ScoobaSteve]

I'm not entirely sure if your mother is anything like mine, but as a rule.....Momma is always right, even when she is wrong. Had I sat down in front of the barrel of a gun I would have moved it too, but then again I would never have sat down in front of a weapon someone else was cleaning.

[Thanis]

responding to gg12

1. This is something she has stated would be best. Understand this a quick clean, not a full tear down.

2. Agree

3. Agree

4. Maybe, but it is hard not to respond when being treated as a child.

5. Ya, but you have to understand some of the arguments my mother and I have. My wife would have left because lately (maybe because of the issues she has going on with her health) it is just best to walk away and make up later.

6. Sort of out of context. I'm not "proud" of these things. I am just trying to clarify this is not a "in her house" situation. She want to control my CC choice outside the homr.

Then for the remainder of your reply, I agree.