I give up...

This is a discussion on I give up... within the General Firearm Discussion forums, part of the Related Topics category; I have tried everything in the book short of forcing it on her... but my wife refuses to carry, nor for that matter even get ...

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Thread: I give up...

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Pro2A's Avatar
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    I give up...

    I have tried everything in the book short of forcing it on her... but my wife refuses to carry, nor for that matter even get a gun out while she is at home when I'm not there. They'll sit in the safe all week.

    I just got off the phone with her tonight (I'm in the PRNJ for job training) and asked her if she got the Glock out before she went to bed...

    "No I've been too busy"



    I have tried everything with her. Showing her stories, news articles, talking... but she is so absent minded that I really honestly believe that she really doesn't care, and she wouldn't know something was happening until it was too late. She blindly opens the door when someone knocks, leaves it wide open when she is bringing groceries in, forgets to set the alarm etc...

    I care for her safety, but she doesn't. It's to the point that I feel that if she was at home and something happened, she would be unprepared to defend herself and the kids. She'd end up duct taped on the sofa while the burglars took our belongings and possibly did evil things to her.

    I can't even bring it up anymore without her getting pissed...



    I don't know what to do anymore...

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  3. #2
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    Array Rock and Glock's Avatar
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    Lay off for awhile. This says it all:

    I can't even bring it up anymore without her getting pissed...
    You will not win. You cannot win. Stop before you destroy your marriage.

    After an appropriate "cooling off", you may gently begin opening the conversation again.

    Until then, you're just looking for a cold relationship and extra couch time.

    Sorry I'm such a realist. I've just been around too many women.

  4. #3
    Distinguished Member Array Pro2A's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rock and Glock View Post
    Lay off for awhile. This says it all:



    You will not win. You cannot win. Stop before you destroy your marriage.

    After an appropriate "cooling off", you may gently begin opening the conversation again.

    Until then, you're just looking for a cold relationship and extra couch time.

    Sorry I'm such a realist. I've just been around too many women.
    Ya I'm kind of to the point where I feel that experience is the best teacher, and it may take that.

  5. #4
    Senior Member Array mi2az's Avatar
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    You know, my wife won't carry either. Its not that she doesn't believe in it. Its the "Why should I since you are carrying". But I was away on a business trip, she had our dog in the bed and her 9mm on the night stand. She just doesn't want to walk around with a gun on her side, It doesn't make a good fashion statement.


    Just leave it alone, she may see the light. You have done everything you can
    "When the people fear the government you have tyranny...when the government fears the people you have liberty."

    --Thomas Jefferson --

  6. #5
    Distinguished Member Array Guardian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pro2A View Post
    Ya I'm kind of to the point where I feel that experience is the best teacher, and it may take that.
    Why? There are other weapons out there partner, there are Knives and Batons and while not the same as what we think is best, something is better then nothing and maybe she would feel better about them, I have taught my wife self-defense, how to use a knife and the basic baton strikes and she has both by the bed along with a weapon.

    Give the cooling off time and approach her with the other weapons thoughts/discussions.
    "I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger" Mencius"

  7. #6
    Distinguished Member Array Pro2A's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guardian View Post
    Why? There are other weapons out there partner, there are Knives and Batons and while not the same as what we think is best, something is better then nothing and maybe she would feel better about them, I have taught my wife self-defense, how to use a knife and the basic baton strikes and she has both by the bed along with a weapon.

    Give the cooling off time and approach her with the other weapons thoughts/discussions.
    The gun is not the issue. She is pro-2A, has no issue with firearms what-so-ever, and she even has her LTCF...

    The issue is she does not utilize that right. Hence the frustration.

    As others have said, I'm probably going to let the issue go for now... I'd hate it to come down to this, but it may take something extreme for her to learn.

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array rottkeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rock and Glock View Post
    Lay off for awhile. This says it all:



    You will not win. You cannot win. Stop before you destroy your marriage.

    After an appropriate "cooling off", you may gently begin opening the conversation again.

    Until then, you're just looking for a cold relationship and extra couch time.

    Sorry I'm such a realist. I've just been around too many women.
    +1 for what R&G said.

    Forcing the issue will only bring about even more stubbornness. It may not be anything more than she is not ready to change her habits just yet.
    For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the son of man be. Mathew 24:27

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  9. #8
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    Don't push her, just remind her about how dirtbags abound.
    Even if she doesn't carry her sidearm, being in condition yellow is important, so talk about how to stay that way.

    My wife is the same way...but every once in a while she surprises me and straps on the sidearm when she goes to the mall.

    I have been sharing every crime article I can find about what happens within a few hundred miles of Central Florids and it's starting to hit home.

    Stay armed...stay informed...stay safe!
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  10. #9
    Distinguished Member Array Pro2A's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by retsupt99 View Post
    Don't push her, just remind her about how dirtbags abound.
    Even if she doesn't carry her sidearm, being in condition yellow is important, so talk about how to stay that way.

    My wife is the same way...but every once in a while she surprises me and straps on the sidearm when she goes to the mall.

    I have been sharing every crime article I can find about what happens within a few hundred miles of Central Florids and it's starting to hit home.

    Stay armed...stay informed...stay safe!
    Even this stuff pisses her off now. I don't understand it... I'll say "Hey honey, come check out this news report"

    She'll watch 10 seconds of it and storm off in a huff.... like she knows what I'm getting at.

    Women are frustrating. I'll just let her do her thing... she is more worried about fashion and not being seen by her students in public then her own safety.

  11. #10
    VIP Member Array Pikachu711's Avatar
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    As others have already mentioned you need to be some patient. She'll start carrying when she feels comfortable to do it.
    "Gun control is being able to hit your target."
    Glock 26

  12. #11
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    She'll watch 10 seconds of it and storm off in a huff.... like she knows what I'm getting at. Women are frustrating.
    She's telling you something very important here (listen very closely):

    SHUT UP!

    Lay low, some roses, don't say a word for quite awhile........Let her broach it, as in, "You're not pestering me anymore.......Do you still love me?"

    Ah......Marriage Counseling on a Gun Forum....ain't life strange?

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array sgtD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rock and Glock View Post
    Lay off for awhile. This says it all:



    You will not win. You cannot win. Stop before you destroy your marriage.

    After an appropriate "cooling off", you may gently begin opening the conversation again.

    Until then, you're just looking for a cold relationship and extra couch time.

    Sorry I'm such a realist. I've just been around too many women.

    +1 Adam lost, and all that have followed have done likewise.
    When you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts & minds will follow. Semper Fi.

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array grady's Avatar
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    You've done all you can do, and it didn't work. Now it's time to back off. You can't force her to make a decision, even if it's the right decision, and the harder you try, the more she may dig in her heels.

    Resign yourself to the fact that she has chosen to not be prepared, and she may be stubbornly resisting your advice just because.

    You can't make decisions for her, especially when you are not around. If there is an event, and she survives, perhaps she'll listen to you then.

    This will sound cold, but if she doesn't survive, or is injured, realize it was her decision to ignore your advice.

  15. #14
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    OK, this is a thread topic I've thought about starting too.

    This could be a really useful thread "if" we could get to the bottom of this phenomenon somehow.

    Not meaning to hijack this at all, but allow me to let off some steam, but here is a similarity to the OP. Just the other day my wife announced that she was going to go up to our store room that is on our property about 3/10ths of a mile away from our house. She always drives. I was on the phone at the time and got off pretty quickly to catch her before she left. Too late, she was driving off to the storeroom. I was getting ready to go up there, but she got finished quickly and I could see her headed back home.

    When she got back:
    I asked her did she bring her gun? Her answer was "no"
    I asked her did she at least bring her cell phone? Her answer was "no"
    My response was (<--- all silently to myself of course )

    For quite a while when we are out in the public, or on a day trip, I've put on my best teacher/husband/caring partner role that I can do. We talk about how she can park at a store to her advantage, notice people around us, then ask her about what she saw, were they suspicious and why. What she would do, etc. She readily contributes to our discussion, has good input, enjoys the "lesson" etc.

    So I think I've been making a tiny bit of progress with her all this time, then this happens !

    So what's up with this and why? She understands where I'm coming from and why, no argument whatsoever there. I'm plenty patient and I know it takes time. This is a discussion about life and limb....pretty important topic so I'd think that one should advance at a somewhat measureable rate, but maybe not?

    So:
    1. Is this something that can have a gender pattern to it? (not bashing men or women at all, just asking for opinions)
    2. Is it affected by a families genetics somehow?
    3. Is it affected by one's lifestyle/parenting/culture while growing up as a child?
    4. Have I spent too much of my time being her eyes and ears for her while looking out for her safety and created her complacency?

    My wife just walked in the room while I was typing this thread, and I reminded her about the storeroom trip and asked her why she left here so vulnerable. She said that she just didn't think about it, and feels safe when she's around here (home turf I suppose). Personally I think it's #4 for me, I know she's often said that she always feel safe when I'm with her. That's nice and all, but I can't be with her 100% of the time, and I also would like her vigilant when we're out together also.

    Where is the smilie with the guy repeatedly bashing his head into the wall?
    Turn the election's in 2014 to a "2A Revolution". It will serve as a 1994 refresher not to "infringe" on our Second Amendment. We know who they are now.........SEND 'EM HOME. Our success in this will be proportional to how hard we work to make it happen.

  16. #15
    Member Array The Arverni's Avatar
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    Being the victim of a crime quickly changes attitudes. Unfortunately, it's a costly a lesson. My wife was once like yours, but has made slight progress. However, it has come only after an attempted break-in at our home, a break-in on her car, and property crimes against several of her local relatives. I did get her to the range once, and she will get out the pistol if she senses trouble. She won't open the door to strangers either. I couldn't get her to carry a pistol, but she will carry the pepper spray I bought her. I don't pressure her, but I do make sure she hears about anything I read in the local crime blotter. Sometimes I'll read the "Armed Citizen" column from the NRA rag out loud to her if it's an incident that happened in our part of the country. I limit it to local ones so as not to make it seem too much like gratuitous scaremongering. Be subtle, and good luck!
    Yes, the world has gotten smaller, but it will always be too big to be ruled by unelected bureaucrats.

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