Home defense for small woman with kids

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Originally Posted by limatunes

Where in IA do you live? If you want to answer in PM that is fine.

Yes, there are a lot of self defense classes that do just sell a false sense of security but there are those out there that make you work for a real sense of security. The trick is finding them. My husband and I have been very fortunate to find a self defense class that we are taking in Marshal Co that is proving to be very rigorous and worth the effort.

I am small, 5'3" 99 lbs and am apparently doing very well against opponents much larger than me.

I also am home alone most of the day with small children, both under the age of 4.

Avoidance and deterrence are a great first step and you've already gotten a lot of information to that end so I won't repeat.

Forget the wasp spray.... get pepper spray.

Batons, etc, are very useful for an individual trained in their use.. not so good for someone who doesn't know how to use them.

What do you think of carrying a knife? Any reservations there?

Even if you don't want a dog you could always put a "beware of dog" sign out and a dog bowl for a very large dog. That, combined with a security system sign might well deter a large number of criminals.

The trick is to not be lulled into "feeling" safe but knowing you have the knowledge, skills and preparation to keep yourself and your children as safe as possible. No, you might not be able to defend against everything (like tornadoes) but you are doing the best you can with what you have.

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Bad, girl, bad girl, whatcha gonna do when she comes at you?:buttkick:

About those decals: any hard evidence that they work, or is this folklore, like the utility of the once-beloved rape whistle? I've been reluctant to put mine up, because whenever I've seen them on houses around, the message I get is "OMG we're scared! We're suckers, and we have a cheap alarm, because we're too poor to have real, mess-you-up security!" Now, all the above applies to me, but I don't want to advertise that to thieves or others. Nor do I want to tell an experienced burglar what kind of cheap system I have, so that he comes in prepared. Also, I remember growing up as a kid partly in my grandparents' tough big-city neighborhood, and every little old lady had a BEWARE OF DOG sign. She may as well have had a PLEASE ATTACK ME I AM DEFENSELESS AND HAVE $1200 IN A COFFEE CAN IN THE FREEZER sign on the fence. Because you knew she didn't have a dog or anything else, including most likely a husband anymore. My sense of the people with actual big dogs around here is that they leave it up to intruders to figure it out.

It seems to me the only security worth advertising is the Mr.-Burns/Eyes-Wide-Shut style security. Otherwise, seems best to leave the burglar uncertain about what you've got. No?

A giant loud siren on the outside of the house sounds like a great idea, though I'll get super unpopular really fast if I've got more than about one false alarm every two years. Maybe not a great idea considering I do rely on neighbors for help sometimes. Have to give it more thought.

I've taken a look at the Krav site, and I suspect that calling actual IDF-trained Israelis over (which I can do) is probably the better bet -- I can think of a few who look dangerous in a fight. If you're really going to get into SD, though, I think you have to have not only the time/money for it but some freedom to get injured. I am the everything here -- parent, breadwinner, housekeeper, stick-driving chauffeur, etc. -- and at my age I don't heal as fast as I used to. Can't afford broken fingers etc. -- in fact I've cut back on the bike riding, just because I've seen friends my age keep it in their heads that they're 20something (it's so easy to do), be unaware of how their vision & reflexes have changed, and when they go down, they're shocked by how many months it takes to heal, and that's with spouses who pick up the kid-related work. My short-term disability insurance isn't good enough to handle that.

I'm curious about the rape-defense part of it, though...I'll have to ask Israeli friends about this. What I know of Israel says it's a deeply sexist society where women are, despite national service, expected to be soft, yielding, sexy, not fight back -- American women friends who've moved there have had a tough time with it. And of course if everyone in the country except the ultra-religious is getting the same basic training at 18 I have trouble seeing how it's useful for the women to be trained against the men.

Anyway. I'll concentrate on the prevention/cavalry/escape part. This is partly a time-limited problem; when my kids are grown I go back to worrying about just myself, which is much easier. I think the hardest part in all this planning is that you really don't know what young kids will do in the moment, no matter how well they're trained. If there's another adult there to corral/unfreeze/direct them, that's one thing, but it's not the case here.

Wrapping up...Personal panic, got one. Hardwiring too much $$, though. Thanks for tip on pepper v. wasp spray. Knives: not for me, see story about girl being disarmed on subway -- again it's the training/proximity issue. I carry a Swiss Army knife, but that's because they're hella handy. Dogs, great for some people, not in this situation though. As was mentioned, you have to be able to live with the security, and not only would I have to get over a general dislike of dogs (which is possible) I'd need enough money/time/room to care for one properly (unlikely) and besides I can't anything much more distracting than a cat wandering around here and needing things while I'm trying to write.

In the end, unfortunately, what I'll really have to look after is my credit rating, home value, and DTI. Crime rates are still rising fast here, and if the cops can't keep up (or aren't allowed to -- we have the usual "race disparity in incarceration" fights), then it may just be best to move. That's a ways off, though.

I don't think you need freedom to get injured. I think accidents happen but they aren't a requirement other than, perhaps a bruise or two. If you know yourself well and have a respectful instructor who will not encourage anyone going nuts, then there isn't a reason you should expect to get injured... especially not to the extent that you would have to miss work.

It certainly is a commitment though. One I think is well worth it, however.

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About those decals: any hard evidence that they work, or is this folklore...

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I do not have any "hard evidence" that I can point you towards that says alarm signage will deter criminal activity and I do not keep track of studies that may have been done on the subject. I rarely, if ever, do research for other people. It is my understanding that some criminals tend to be opportunistic and might prey on the easier of two targets. That is why I try to make sure that my home doesn't look like the easier target on my block and alarm signage plays a part in the security measures that I take.

I read my last post and I think I sound like a jerk...not my intention...sorry.

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Originally Posted by 1MoreGoodGuy

I do not have any "hard evidence" that I can point you towards that says alarm signage will deter criminal activity and I do not keep track of studies that may have been done on the subject. I rarely, if ever, do research for other people. It is my understanding that some criminals tend to be opportunistic and might prey on the easier of two targets. That is why I try to make sure that my home doesn't look like the easier target on my block and alarm signage plays a part in the security measures that I take.

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I agree.

I don't know about "hard evidence" either. I'm sure there's at least something out there and I think it's pretty logical to assume that if a criminal sees a sign for such and such security company on the front door along with a "beware of dog" and the next door neighbor has neither of those things then chances are he might decide the next door neighbor is a safer bet.

However, there are dumb criminals out there who would never even see such signs and just plow in no matter what signs you have.. or there are criminals out there who do their homework and know that you have neither of those things but those type of criminals are rarely in it for the few bucks they might get out of your jewelry box. The determined criminals, I think, go in with an end game.. they want something they know (or perceive) you have (money, jewelry, drugs, guns) or.. worse yet.. they want you or one of your kids.

Post 47 by the OP concerns me. In her initial post she placed some difficult parameters around what she was
able to do or willing to do; no gun, no dog. In post 47 we get more "reasons" why this or that suggested by
one person or another won't work. Reading the posts and between the lines vibes I get, I am hearing
a voice from someone who believes she has an insolvable problem.

To our OP, you do not have an insolvable problem. You can harden your home with many very inexpensive
items. You can arm yourself with almost anything in your home that you can pick up and throw, poke with, or
strike with.

Now, you did articulate your real fear. "I am the everything here," meaning if anything goes wrong
you feel that your children will be the ones who suffer. That's perfectly understandable but there are
ways to lead your life such that you are not alone with the burden that you have. Without knowing it, you already
took one step in the right direction just by posting here.

Earlier Lima posted: "Where in IA do you live? If you want to answer in PM that is fine."

If I were you I'd take Lima up on that kind offer.

BTW, I'm an old Cyclone.

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Originally Posted by Hopyard

Post 47 by the OP concerns me. In her initial post she placed some difficult parameters around what she was
able to do or willing to do; no gun, no dog. In post 47 we get more "reasons" why this or that suggested by
one person or another won't work. Reading the posts and between the lines vibes I get, I am hearing
a voice from someone who believes she has an insolvable problem.

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I'm glad you said it first. I've been wrestling with these same feelings but didn't want to seem... harsh?

The other feeling I'm getting is the feeling of someone who wants and easy, effective answer to the self/home defense question.

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all and 100% guaranteed, easy fix. This stuff takes work, money, time effort, adjusting (everything from mindset to furniture, perceptions and priorities).

Sometimes, in order to reap the rewards (in this case, knowing you have a secure home and family) you have to be willing to budget, cut back, get dirty, maybe even bruised, get uncomfortable, work hard and then work some more.

Yeah, there are things that are no goes for me, too. For instance, I don't want a dog either. I just don't have that in me right now and I think it would be cruel to such an animal to bring him (or her) into a home where he or she really isn't wanted. I get having reasonable restrictions. But there does have to be some sacrifice and work to make some of this stuff viable but it's worth it... well worth it.. in the end.

Um...I'm not sure I like the turn this is taking.

As a single, homeschooling, working mother, I think I know something about sacrifice, discipline, and commitment. Probably more than most; possibly more than you, reader. My priorities may not be yours. That's no reason to come wagging a finger, nor to fall back on "you just gotta want it". There are limits to what people can do on a regular basis, and it is, in my view, both naive and dangerous to forget that.

I am well aware that what I'm engaged in here is risk mitigation. I don't ask for more. If you don't like it that I'm questioning standard advice like "put up decals" -- well, just know it's not aimed at you personally. I've seen those signs all my life and never thought they looked convincing -- just the opposite, in fact -- so I'm asking if anyone knows more than the catechism on that.

No, I am not willing to risk my livelihood or make my career or the care of my own health more difficult than they are by engaging in sports or self-defense classes that expose me to physical harm -- in part because I just don't think it's a good trade. I am not asking anyone's opinion of my judgment, nor am I asking for people who don't know me to decide how I ought to order my priorities. I'm saying: Given these constraints, what do you recommend. I've heard a lot of useful advice here, for which -- again -- I thank you.

And I think that's plenty. Thanks, and bye.

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Originally Posted by Hopyard

Reading the posts and between the lines vibes I get, I am hearing
a voice from someone who believes she has an insolvable problem.

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Originally Posted by limatunes

I'm glad you said it first. I've been wrestling with these same feelings but didn't want to seem... harsh?

The other feeling I'm getting is the feeling of someone who wants and easy, effective answer to the self/home defense question.

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all and 100% guaranteed, easy fix. This stuff takes work, money, time effort, adjusting (everything from mindset to furniture, perceptions and priorities).

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iowagal, it's important to understand what's being said above. Very important. It's at the crux of appreciating potential changes in perception, attitude, mindset and preparations that can make all the difference.

In short: having a piano doesn't make one a concert pianist; nor does having a weapon make one capable of self-defense; nor does having four walls and a locking door make a home a castle. It takes work to transform any such tools into preparations effective enough to matter.

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Originally Posted by iowagal

No, I am not willing to risk my livelihood or make my career or the care of my own health more difficult than they are by engaging in sports or self-defense classes that expose me to physical harm -- in part because I just don't think it's a good trade. I am not asking anyone's opinion of my judgment, nor am I asking for people who don't know me to decide how I ought to order my priorities.

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They're already at risk, in a very real sense. But, as should be obvious, much risk can be mitigated and managed. Changes in attitude, mindset and preparations merely constitute altering the dynamic of those risk elements. Viewed generally, few such intelligent changes in these things should result in increased risk; nobody's asking you to do that.

Consider it this way ... Lacking any effective hand-to-hand or defensive contact skills, you're already at risk of being easily defeated with a determined assailant who goes hands-on. Weaponry that can keep such an assailant at distance is one of the few ways to avoid hands-on. But if it comes to hands-on, effectively knowing how to handle it and turn the assailant's energies and efforts against him is one of the few ways to turn a hands-on encounter to your advantage. Having such abilities helps reduce risk to you and yours, not the other way around (despite the obvious risks involved with any physical training and prep).

There are some ways to add time and difficulty to a criminal's path into our homes: but it takes some judicious and sometimes clever investment in time, money and lifestyle/procedure changes to accomplish.

There are some ways to improve one's ability to withstand violence if it does get close enough for contact (either in our out of the home): but it takes similarly open-minded consideration of the realistic options, whether the options involve time, money or lifestyle/procedure changes to accomplish.

The point being, you've set a fair maze of constraints, and you've made it patently clear you're fairly unwilling to relax any of them. But reality is what it is. Nature cannot be fooled. Criminals are cognizant that chinks in the armor exist with nearly everyone. Be open to the suggestion that chinks in the armor can really be apparent in those who end up being unwilling to make effective changes in their perceptions, attitudes, mindset and lifestyle to accomplish practical improvements in hardening the home, hardening ourselves, and laying down "mines in the minefield" that criminals must walk to get to us and those we love.

As limatunes points out, there are no guarantees. Not everyone's meant to survive such situations. But if a desire to never, ever be a victim truly exists, then you must realize that it can take hard work and focus, and investments of time and money to achieve some of these things.

Nobody's intentionally "wagging a finger" at you. You've asked for opinions on options for courses of action. There are only so many realistic options available to a given person. Folks have in good conscience presented them, as they see them, attempting to consider the constraints for what they are: possible limitations, not insurmountable absolutes.

You'll consider them as what they are, or not. I hope you do because, whether you appreciate it yet or not, some of those options that appear to be outside your initial constraints are almost certainly going to need to be part of any solution. And that's not anyone's attempt to cram anything down your throat. It's merely an attempt to get you to see that reality can be other than what we initially believe it to be.

As many of us have found as we've realistically explored our initial attitudes, beliefs and presumed capabilities and limitations in this area of endeavor, all too often they end up being at least partially (and sometimes horribly) incorrect, impractical and/or ineffectual. And getting over that hurdle can be one of the more difficult aspects of changing one's mindset about defense and related preparations.

Good luck, as you go down this path. I hope you can find a way through it.

For your windows get the 3M plastic film that adheres to glass,even if you break it that stuff is a PITA to get through and would have to pretty much remove it all to get in giving you time to hit the alarm and grab a can of Mace/Wasp spray/dirty baby diapers/can of whoop ass etc.
I'd love to hear about Iowa woman repels home invaders with poopy diapers,I can also envision the Convo in Thugs car,what the hell was that ,I don't know but somebody in here stinks,

Well it would seem to me your best bet may be a taser...you know the kind that shoots two wires from a distance?
Good Luck Iowa Girl

TASER as in the brand name now sells a self contained taser shotgun shell shoots from any 12gauge and has 2 barbs that continue to apply current to your attacker from any reasonable distance not sure how much they cost but i thought i would pass that on

I think the people who have posted in this thread have given you a lot of very good advice so far and I think most of the other posters probably feel the same way. I can say that with a pretty high level of confidence because if you look back at what has been written, you will see very little disagreements regarding the advice given by someone...there is a little bit but not much.

I don't think anyone is "wagging a finger" either.

Some people have just pointed out that you have been placing your own barrier in front of a lot of the suggestions that have been made.

Here is just one example of a barrier you have put in place:

Three people here have shared their opinion that window decals might act as a visual deterrent for some criminals.

Here are your barriers: Your opinion on window decals is that you think that they "never looked convincing" to you. You assume that our theories might be "folklore". You write, "I've been reluctant to put mine up, because whenever I've seen them on houses around, the message I get is "OMG we're scared!"

Then you want us to provide you with "hard evidence" to prove to you that your opinions and your assumptions and the message you get are wrong??? We gave you a lot of suggestions throughout this thread and I'm pretty sure that if you search hard enough, you will be able to find someone somewhere who disagrees with most of it and you might even find some information which will bring you to the conclusion that our suggestions are good suggestions. It is totally up to you to figure out how you can work on removing your barriers so that you can implement some, all or none of these suggestions into your lifestyle. I wish you luck and I hope you and your family will be safe & secure in your home.

Many, if not all, criminals prefer to take the path of least resistance.

Example:
House #1 is poorly lit on the outside, has large evergreen trees hiding the house from street view, no security doors, dead bolt locks, alarm signs(as stated no hard proof alarm signs actually deter), beware of dog sign(again no hard proof).

House #2 is well lit on the outside, no obstructions blocking view of house from the street, security doors, dead blot locks, alarm and beware of dog signs.