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Home defense for small woman with kids

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#1 ·
Hi guys --

I wonder if I could ask your advice on home defense. We were broken into a few weeks ago.

I'm a small, thin middle-aged woman with young children. I've suffered periodically from suicidal depression, so having a gun in the house is not something I'm willing to do. (Please do not suggest therapy, drugs, "get over it", etc. You'll have to take my word for it that after long experience and professional help, I know what I'm talking about here.)

Several people have suggested I get a baseball bat, but I have trouble seeing how this would be all that helpful. It seems to me I'd be easily disarmed, and then the attacker(s) would have a bat. I'm in good shape -- lift and run -- but a 5'10" street kid's going to have me beat on reflexes, strength, bulk, and just plain knowing how to fight. I've also got very small wrists and hands, so consider how easy it is to take something away from your fourth-grader: that's about where I'm at.

I don't, unfortunately, have time, room, or money to care properly for a dog. Also, half my work is at home, telecommute writer, and I can't have a dog distracting me while I work. (They may not distract you; they distract me, so please, again, no defenses of dogs at work.)

I've been attacked before, and I don't freeze -- I make hella noise and get out of the situation. The worst I've walked away with was a broken nose. But I don't know how I'd do that while also protecting my kids.

I've installed a monitored alarm, and police do come quickly here, so if the system works at least there's that. Domestic Violence advocates here have suggested installing a "safe room", which is a possibility -- in fact I'd considered them before because we live in tornado country. But they're wildly expensive, plus you'd have to have the opportunity to get there. The logistics make sense when considering a tornado -- go all the way downstairs. (There are some nice ones that actually get built under the garage.) But we've got a split-level, so actually getting to the safe room would be a trick if the invader were upstairs. There's only one flight of stairs leading to the lower level.

Given the situation, what would you suggest? I know that for purely defensive purposes, a gun is totally the way to go. As explained, though, it's not something that would be wise for me to do.

Thanks for your help -

iowagal
 
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#4 ·
Sounds like you've taken good first steps. It's better to spend $ on good motion lights, security system, door and window locks, etc., and prevent attacks in the first place.

As far as non-lethal defense tools to keep in the home, there's always your pepper spray and baseball bat suggestions, but where you keep them dictates where you'll be able to use them. I would think of as many normal household objects you could use as a weapon - any wrought-iron wall hangings you could clock someone with? Glass vases you could break? Place your knife block on the breakfast bar if you have them so that it's accessible from the kitchen and the living room (something I've done). If you think about it, there are a LOT of home items, functional and decorative, that you could use to defend yourself - you just need to have them in your mental weapon inventory.

Props to you for being prepared. Welcome to the board! :smile:
 
#8 ·
There are many things around your house that can be used for a weapon if you need one in a hurry, plus as others have said there are also non-lethal methods that you can do. If you have wasp spray around your house, it can make a very excellent weapon. Spray somebody in the face with that and you took the fight right out of them. The beauty of that is that wasp spray is meant to be sprayed in a stream from pretty good distances away. Something else to consider is maybe a "hot shot", or a taser. A hot shot is another way to say cattle prod. It will knock a man down, and it also works really good on aggressive dogs in the neighborhood. I agree with taking self defense classses. The more you know how to defend yourself the better, especially if you can't have a gun in your house.
 
#11 ·
+1 to Rocky and the bear spray. The police will come out to your home to give you specific suggestions on making your home harder to break into. Since I just mentioned it in another thread you can create an inexpensive safe room for about $400 by getting a steel door and deadbolt from Lowe's and a Katy bar to further reinforce the door and installing them in a strategic closet or two. Since police response time is good in your area, your best defense may be the time you can buy until the cavalry shows up.
 
#12 ·
There are a lot of practical and inexpensive things that you can do (which I've done to our house), such as install outdoor lighting and use it nightly, keep bushes / hedges trimmed to minimize hiding places, use longer screws on your hinges to secure them to the external frame (on the house, not just on the door), have and use deadbolt locks, etc. There are also things you can do, like drilling a small hole in windows (middle, where the upper and lower windows meet) and placing a nail there to keep someone from jimmying the window open, and having a secondary lock or piece of wood blocking sliding doors. Basically make your house look less appealing to a bad guy, and make it harder to get in if they do select your house. And use common sense about keeping doors locked and not opening the door for strangers (even girls / teenagers).

The pepper spray idea is good, and is something that is inexpensive and you can have a few hidden in key areas of your house. Some basic self-defense that is effective and doesn't take years to learn is also a good idea. I prefer Target Focus Training (reasonably priced DVD training, they'll review tapes of you, and they offer live training seminars). It is fairly easy and doesn't take a lot of strength to be effective.

Hope that helps.
 
#13 ·
Bow and arrow!

...kidding

I'm jumping on the Taser bandwagon. It's what I was considering before I decided to just go for the gun.

I read something that said gun is the best, then taser, and then pepper spray. The problem with pepper spray is that it can get in your eyes, too, and that sometimes pepper spray does not stop an attacker.

The only downfall to a taser is that if they are wearing a thick jacket, it might not penetrate. And then, you only get one shot and then you have to recharge.

As a woman myself, I would probably go for a taser, some pepper spray around for back-up, and maybe some tae-kwon-do. :smile: If you're fit like you say, I bet you'd be a great fighter with some training!

But hopefully the alarms you've set will do the job to scare anyone away.
 
#18 ·
I'd vote for a Tazer or even two, but the self defense class is almost a must for you. A good instructor can teach you how to use a baseball bat -- hint: don't just swing it like a bat -- such that it will do a lot of damage in your hands before someone can take it away from you. Look around for a good self defense class.
 
#19 ·
Harden your house. Good doors, good locks, motion lights, make your house look very secured (alarm company signs are great), trim the hedges.

Come up with weapons. Your kitchen knives are some of the best fighting knives out there (you gotta be prepared for a knife fight), a taser works great (only on one attacker though), a big stick is pretty effective, a baseball bat is downright devastating, bear spray is something I never want in my face (gets EVERYWHERE, including on you, and will stay there).

Plan. An escape/barricade plan, a counterattack plan, make sure your kids know what to do when. Make sure your kids know the difference between the fire alarm and the burglar alarm!
 
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#20 ·
TASER C2: Target Attackers From 15 Feet Away

Taser (sorry for the misspelling earlier) The Taser C2 Platinum package comes with 4 15' cartridges, and one practice 15' cartridge. $449 + tax (and maybe shipping- I just checked it for me and it would be free).

So, more than one shot, not a gun, no worries about pepper spraying yourself, and you can keep your distance. All in all, not a bad option.
 
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#22 ·
I think you really need to look at the above suggestions and your situation as two different types of challenges.

1) You need to find ways to harden your home. There are many, but probably a walk through with a police
officer would be beneficial in pointing out weak spots and places you can modify. Besides your monitored alarm,
there are inexpensive additional alarms which might at least do things like make noise, turn lights on and off.

There are more than two ways BGs can get in, usually. Door is obvious. Breaking a window is also obvious. Both
can be protected in a variety of ways with inexpensive measures. THORNY BUSHES, any thorny plant that will grow
where you live planted around the perimeter of you home will discourage anyone from attempting to get in via
the windows. Noise making window/glass break noise makers are very very inexpensive. There are window films
which prevent the glass from being smashed. Usually you can readily add some sort of dowel to keep windows from being
moved open; and there are plenty of inexpensive window locks you could use as well.

Doors too can be protected without huge expense. Door bars and door stops come with built in alarms. They make breaking in
more difficult and make a lot of noise which most BGs won't tolerate.

They'll also try to get into an attic and drop down so lock the attic door with a keyed lock. They'll break into a basement and come up from
an unlocked or insecure interior basement door. So keep some motion detecting alarms in the basement and make sure
that the door from there to your home is secure.

As others have pointed out, bedroom doors can be hardened-- it might look ugly, but something as simple as applying
plywood to one side of the door adds to the difficulty of someone kicking a door in. With the door reinforced you can
install some good dead bolt locks anchored into the studs, not the frame.

2) Your other issue is dealing with someone who has already gained access. Someone correctly suggested pre-planned
escape routes to go with a hardened room.

Someone else suggested that your kitchen knives are good weapons; which is the case
but you don't want to take a chance on a home invader grabbing them and using them against you. HIDE your kitchen
knives. Don't leave them on the counter top. Don't leave them in the top drawer. Yes, it is inconvenient to
dig around in some out of the way location where they are resting covered by dish towels and out of sight, but
you must not allow a BG to get your kitchen knife either by just finding it or by taking it from you.

As for using pepper, it has its downsides when used indoors. If you google around the net, probably even on Amazon,
you can find some inexpensive "hoods" which just pull over your head and are designed to let you escape from a fire.
It is a good idea to have these at least in your bedroom and kitchen; but they can also keep pepper spray from
getting back into your own eyes and nose--if you get a chance to put one on. Here's what I have in mind--
hope the link works Amazon.com: Smoke Escape Hood - Improvements: Home Improvement It isn't much but if time allows it
beats getting your own pepper in your eyes and nose and it will also protect you from a BG trying to use pepper.

Small women protecting children can be ferocious warriors. See if you can find someone who can give you some
lessons in empty hand self defense.

IMO (and it may be useless to you) your emphasis must be on hardening the house. The old saying that an ounce of
prevention is worth a pound of cure applies. It is better to put your effort into making the house unwelcoming
to a BG than to plan on a fight after someone is in already...and that is true even for armed folk. No one needs a
gun fight even if they are a skilled combat shooter.

The best gun fight is the one that never happened in the first place. The best close contact hand to hand fight is the one that never happens. SO put your emphasis on hardening your home, having escape plans, and hide those very dangerous kitchen knives.
 
#23 ·
Could also look into getting a baton (pr-24 or expandable)if its legal for non-LE in Iowa to own. If they are, definitely find training on them.
 
#39 ·
Lots of good advice here, but I go with this one the most. Get a big dog. I have a 90 lbs German Shepard that is as lovable as any dog I have ever owned. He is friendly, loves to play and is VERY intelligent. Great for stess relief by just being around and petty or playing tug of war with his rope. He is part of our family. With that being said he is very protective of me, my wife and daughters. When we first got him from the adoption agency, my wife was apprehensive about having a "police dog". She thought he was going to go around and attack us. After a couple of months, she realized he was a big teddy bear, until....

My wife was home alone and expecting one of her friend to come over. Not paying attention, the door bell rang and assuming it was her friend, she went to the door and opened it without checking through the window. We have a storm door with a window, so when she opened the wooden door, she looked up expecting her friend only to see a young man standing there. He was a solicitor trying to sell alarm systems. My wife was startled and jumped back about 2 ft. With that queue, the dog went ballistic. He slammed into the storm door with teeth showing, hair up and growling and barking. He would not stop trying to get through the door and get to this guy. The guy, turned and ran away from the door as fast as possible. Once my wife re gained her composure of being startled, she started to calm down and so did the dog. Within 2- 3 minutes after the encounter, the dog was his lovable self again. My wife saw the guy combing the neighborhood when she finally was leaving the house and pulled over to apologize to him. This poor guy. She said he was white as a ghost, and explained how he had never been so scared in all his life. He also mentioned that we did not need an alarm system.

A large dog, is great for the family, a great early warning system, a great protector of "their pack" and will do wonders for releasing stress. To me, he is part of the family and my best friend. We do everything together.

Oh yeah, we have a cat too.. She is the only one the dog is afraid of.
 
#25 ·
There is a lot of good advice so far.

Regarding your security system:
Make sure your security system has full perimeter coverage and make sure you have an audio glassbreak sensor in range of every window. Audio glassbreak sensors are designed to pickup the sound that glass makes as it flexes. They actually pickup the sound milliseconds before the glass actually breaks. Have your security company program your audio glassbreak sensors as a 24 hour zone (always armed)...this means if you happen to have the security system off and someone breaks the glass, the alarm will still sound and the monitoring center will be notified. Do not let the salesperson sell you shock sensors instead of audio glass break sensors...insist on audio glassbreak sensors only. Make sure your security system also has a cellular backup so that the alarm can still transmit a signal if the phone lines are cut. Have the security company program in a "duress code" which when keyed into the keypad, will arm and disarm your system just like your normal code does but with one exception...the "duress code" will instruct the system to send a silent alarm signal and notify the central station via your cellular backup only. Make sure the security company is instructed to immediately notify the police upon receipt of the silent "duress alarm" (under no circumstances should the home be called if a duress signal is received). Duress codes are used by you in the event a bad guy instructs you to operate your security system.

I'll post more suggestions another time.
 
#38 ·
There is a lot of good advice so far.

Regarding your security system:
Make sure your security system has full perimeter coverage and make sure you have an audio glassbreak sensor in range of every window. Audio glassbreak sensors are designed to pickup the sound that glass makes as it flexes. They actually pickup the sound milliseconds before the glass actually breaks.
One never knows what cues will deter a BG. As I understand it, these audio sensors are excellent, but not noticeable from
outside. The one time I looked at having them installed they went in the ceiling above a window. Vibrations/impact sensors are on the glass and someone approaching will know the window is protected.

In the OP's situation, use both. The inexpensive noise maker glass break detectors will serve as a visual
warning to someone approaching the house. If they "blow that off" the detectors as nothing to be concerned with and
go for it, the audio detector will get the alarm off to your monitoring company. Meanwhile, visible glass break
detectors will hopefully send the message that the house is protected; and a burglar has no way to know
what else you have in there.

Finally, remember that you must be able to live in the house. It is possible to harden it to a degree and in a manner
which makes your life miserable. Then, you quit turning stuff on and it all becomes a waste of money and effort.

As much as you might want to harden your kid's rooms, you don't want them to be able to lock YOU out.
 
#26 ·
All kidding aside, impact weapons (baseball bats, batons, skillets) are about the last thing anyone should be recommending to a woman who is admittedly on the small side. Anything requiring closing the distance to deliver a 'payload' to a bad guy intent on harm is the wrong way to go.

Given the OP's boundary conditions (no guns, no dogs), I think Hopyard's approach is the most sensible - which is prevention. Learning to have an elevated sense of situational awareness, in spite of being in one's own home will help as well.
 
#35 ·
This strikes me as intelligent advice, and thanks for it. In the moment, if I've got no choice about being in range, I could see having the strength to do something with a fry pan, but the fact is any guy's going to have a much longer reach than I've got, and no, I don't want to be that close if I can help it. Most guys who'd break into a house are also probably younger & quicker than I am.

I do regret having to re-develop that situational awareness -- I lived in cities many years, and the fact is you sleep less well. But is what is.
 
#27 ·
Terrific suggestions so far. Here is one more. Keep your car keys with you at all times when in your home. So if you find an intruder you can hit the red panic button which will activate the car's horn....hopefully that will scare him away! And you won't have to engage him in a fight. Good luck.
 
#29 ·
Batons are a viable defense tool for small framed female LE, why not a small civilian female, as long as she gets training on it and they are legal for civilian possession? The OP will also be fighting for her children.
 
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