Apartment Hallway Domestic Dispute

This is a discussion on Apartment Hallway Domestic Dispute within the Home (And Away From Home) Defense Discussion forums, part of the Related Topics category; Hey everyone, hope you've all had a quiet New Year's, I just wanted to post what happened at my apartment complex last night and see ...

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    Member Array ArmedWebGuy's Avatar
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    Apartment Hallway Domestic Dispute

    Hey everyone, hope you've all had a quiet New Year's, I just wanted to post what happened at my apartment complex last night and see what you all think/would have done. Looking back, a few things that seemed fishy at the time make sense now, FYI I've already contacted the police and provided information.

    Anyway it started around 10:00PM the other night; I was taking out the trash to the dumpster located right outside the complex and there was a running, white sedan sitting backed up near the dumpster in a parking space (so the car was facing me when I was walked out). There was one young male (probably 25 or so) sitting in the car with the dome light on and he was entirely distracted, yelling on his phone. I just briskly walked by, threw the trash out and went on with my night while keeping an eye over my shoulder. I got back inside pretty quickly and returned home. Around thirty minutes later, there was yelling in the hallway on the second floor (I live on the third floor). I live in an area saturated with college students (including myself) so late night, drunk yelling isn't that uncommon, my roommate and I didn't really pay much attention to it - at first.

    About ten minutes later, it became apparent that an argument had escalated into a full-on shouting match between a male and female - it became real obvious there was some kind of domestic dispute going on after hearing them remarking to each other with a very colorful vocabulary, but I could only hear so much, the door muffled most of it. I cracked my door open (with the chain still locked) so I could hear more clearly (my door was out of sight). I was able to hear them clear enough to figure out it was definitely a couple arguing, the male was screaming about her cheating or something similar. At this point there is very loud pounding and screaming by both them, it sounded two people all out fist fighting or someone beating the wall with their fists. At this point I told my roommate to call the police and then the apartment management office. The screaming/pounding escalated even further to the point where it sounded like someone getting beat pretty badly. I was considering going down there, but going to someone's aid, especially around here, would only exacerbate what was going on and endanger myself (I am no hero) plus I only have my 12ga Mossberg right now and running around with a shotgun sounds really stupid (but I had it closeby in the home).

    So the noises continue for a few more minutes and then, silence. I faintly heard someone run down the stairs and my roommate heard a car screeching out of the parking lot (she was near the window I was watching the door, listening still). By this time, the police still had not shown up but I poked my head out into the hall after a few minutes of quiet. I didn't see anyone, so I moved down the top of the stairs in order to see down where the argument was. The battered door from the apartment was completely ripped off of it's hinges and the steel door frame was lying on the ground, bent out of shape. The apartment was in complete disarray from the quick glance I saw it. I listened and called out if anyone was there and didn't hear anything back (probably a bad idea in retrospect but I wanted to see if the girl was okay). I ran back to my apartment and waited there for the police to arrive. Around twenty minutes later and the police show up and knock on my door for more information (police response time here is pretty bad where I live). They cleared the apartment (no one was home) prior to speaking with me and I gave every bit of information I had to them. My roommate had apparently watched the white sedan peel out of the parking lot, the same one I saw earlier in the night.

    So I woke up this morning and went to take the dog out and the police were back in the morning, questioning more residents and I found out they're looking for both occupants of the apartment and the boyfriend, so I guess it may be a kidnapping? I'm not sure. The police told me I was right in what I did, so there's that, but at the same time I feel like I could've helped, I don't know. Either way, it's some scary stuff happening so close to home. It's also insane that I was the only one who called the police, apparently everyone else was under the bystander effect or is heartless. My roommate and I are already looking at new apartments.
    darbo, saigaguy and BenGoodLuck like this.
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    You did the right thing my friend. Back away and call the LEO's. That sort of domestic thing always ends badly for anyone
    trying to interrupt or assist, whether the help or assistance is really needed or not.

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    You did the right thing in this instance AND you have a female roommate


    Two for two.....



    All my roommates back in the day were beer guzzling idiots.....
    BenGoodLuck, NONAME762 and mano3 like this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by molleur View Post
    You did the right thing my friend. Back away and call the LEO's. That sort of domestic thing always ends badly for anyone
    trying to interrupt or assist, whether the help or assistance is really needed or not.
    I suppose you're right, there is always a feeling as though could've done more, but I digress, I'll just be very mindful for the next week around the parking lot/hallway.
    Quote Originally Posted by Stoveman View Post
    You did the right thing in this instance AND you have a female roommate


    Two for two.....



    All my roommates back in the day were beer guzzling idiots.....
    Yeah, she is a blast! Her and her fiance are fantastic people . But trust me, there is no shortage of beer-guzzling idiots around here!
    "Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the peoples' liberty's teeth."- George Washington

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    VIP Member Array LimaCharlie's Avatar
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    You did good!
    I carry a gun, because a Cop is too heavy.

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    Part of what you can do depends on the state. Here in Colorado you would be well within your rights to interfere and that would include up to deadly force to protect someone else.

    I always view these situations by asking myself a simple question; "If the victim was my sister/brother, what I want someone to do? That is pretty much what I do. Have I broken up domestics before? Yes. Do I always call the police first? Yes. Have I been armed while doing so? Yes. Important to remember if you do decide to help out, you are not the police, you are not there to arrest anyone, place blame, you are there to protect people, nothing more.

    Now would I recommend that other step in? Not necessarily, a lot depends on your comfort level doing that.

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    Member Array ArmedWebGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OutWestSystems View Post
    Part of what you can do depends on the state. Here in Colorado you would be well within your rights to interfere and that would include up to deadly force to protect someone else.

    I always view these situations by asking myself a simple question; "If the victim was my sister/brother, what I want someone to do? That is pretty much what I do. Have I broken up domestics before? Yes. Do I always call the police first? Yes. Have I been armed while doing so? Yes. Important to remember if you do decide to help out, you are not the police, you are not there to arrest anyone, place blame, you are there to protect people, nothing more.

    Now would I recommend that other step in? Not necessarily, a lot depends on your comfort level doing that.
    Exactly, great points. I definitely did not feel like I could help without it escalating into deadly force, the guy was going maniacal, he had to have been hyped on drugs or something. I am still relatively new to firearms and I haven't had any type of training to rely on that I could apply in this kind of situation. I studied jujitsu for a few years, so I had that, but my gut instinct was telling me to stay put, so I did.
    "Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the peoples' liberty's teeth."- George Washington

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    I would say this look at your states laws does it have a shield type law where if intervene in a situation you have protection ? Also maybe look at non lethal options ie taser/mace etc so if it all goes out of hand ( the guy saw you looking etc ) then you could say I tried to stop him but I was forced to defend myself .

    Also if you can get a handgun post hast . In NC you can OC without a permit last I looked so there is that options till you get a permit to carry.


    But it all sounds like you did good but the lack of police response worries me alot . But you sound like you handled it well and it was not too bad but the worries is what happen next time ( ie they take each other back and he really does go off ...

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    VIP Member Array blitzburgh's Avatar
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    When I lived in an apartment complex like yours, if I called the police every time I heard a couple argue, they would have had to put me on the payroll as a dispatcher. It got to the point where it happened so frequently, I only called the police if it went beyond screaming and sounded like something or somebody got hit. I only get involved in domestics if I see a guy hit a girl and that happened twice while living there.
    BenGoodLuck likes this.
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    VIP Member Array high pockets's Avatar
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    I think you did well by not getting directly involved. It is surprising how many times the first responder becomes the victim of assault while trying to de-escalate a domestic argument.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WrongRecroom View Post
    I would say this look at your states laws does it have a shield type law where if intervene in a situation you have protection ? Also maybe look at non lethal options ie taser/mace etc so if it all goes out of hand ( the guy saw you looking etc ) then you could say I tried to stop him but I was forced to defend myself .

    Also if you can get a handgun post hast . In NC you can OC without a permit last I looked so there is that options till you get a permit to carry.


    But it all sounds like you did good but the lack of police response worries me alot . But you sound like you handled it well and it was not too bad but the worries is what happen next time ( ie they take each other back and he really does go off ...
    I am familiar with the deadly force law and the pepper spray would've definitely been a good alternative.

    Quote Originally Posted by blitzburgh View Post
    When I lived in an apartment complex like yours, if I called the police every time I heard a couple argue, they would have had to put me on the payroll as a dispatcher. It got to the point where it happened so frequently, I only called the police if it went beyond screaming and sounded like something or somebody got hit. I only get involved in domestics if I see a guy hit a girl and that happened twice while living there.
    If I called every time someone was yelling, the dispatchers would know me by name within a week. We knew at one point we had to call the police in the very least at a certain point, and I was very close to going out there, but I didn't know exactly what I would be walking into.

    Quote Originally Posted by high pockets View Post
    I think you did well by not getting directly involved. It is surprising how many times the first responder becomes the victim of assault while trying to de-escalate a domestic argument.
    I hope so; I know how much of a powder keg domestic disputes can be become and that was one of the driving factors of not going and intervening. I could've pushed the guy over the edge even further, gotten myself and who knows else killed.
    "Firearms are second only to the Constitution in importance; they are the peoples' liberty's teeth."- George Washington

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    Member Array saigaguy's Avatar
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    Not a fun position to be in. That's a very long time to wait for police to get there too. You did the right thing.
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    Member Array ArmedWebGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saigaguy View Post
    Not a fun position to be in. That's a very long time to wait for police to get there too. You did the right thing.
    Not at all, but some good did come of it though. My roommate was thoroughly anti-gun, but when this incident happened the other night and the police took so ridiculously long, she was real quick to ask where the shotgun was and if I could keep it in the living room until everything settled down. We made plans to go to the gun range tomorrow, something that would've been impossible to convince her to do a few days ago.
    herohog and Secret Spuk like this.
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    Member Array saigaguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArmedWebGuy View Post
    Not at all, but some good did come of it though. My roommate was thoroughly anti-gun, but when this incident happened the other night and the police took so ridiculously long, she was real quick to ask where the shotgun was and if I could keep it in the living room until everything settled down. We made plans to go to the gun range tomorrow, something that would've been impossible to convince her to do a few days ago.
    It took a domestic dispute a few units over to convince her? Glad you your apartment door wasn't kicked in, maybe she will learn to defend herself incase of any type of break in!
    BkCo1 likes this.
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    I believe that if you ask any police officer what the most dangerous call to respond to is he/she will tell you it is a domestic disturbance call. Police know that they have a high chance of being shot or otherwise attacked when dealing with domestic "situations".

    Since you are not a trained law officer you did the best thing you could do by phoning the police and staying out of the way.
    GWarden likes this.
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