August 11th, 2010 09:35 PM
wow....bet he had fun in jail
Originally Posted by Tyler11B
Certified Glock Armorer
"I got a touch of hangover bureaucrat, don't push me"
Independence is declared; it must be maintained. Sam Houston-3/2/1836
If loose gun laws are good for criminals why do criminals support gun control?
August 16th, 2010 07:49 PM
Years ago when I was off duty and shopping in a grocery store, an addict walked up and ask me: "is this about the guy I (he) shot in the intersection"? We catch the dumb ones.
August 17th, 2010 12:36 PM
Good lord, thats downright funny.....I cant believe this stuff sometimes.
Originally Posted by Rexster
Don"t let stupid be your skill set....
Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means, that you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you......
August 17th, 2010 02:35 PM
In this part of the country he would have got a serious whoopin for that.
this person lifts up her, uh, his, uh, her shirt, grabs an A-cup of flesh in each hand, and starts squirting milk at the camera.
Assault by mammary gland...I can see it now in court. And if he actually got you wet it would be aggravated assault.
I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.
AR. CHL Instr. 07/02 FFL
Like custom guns and stuff? Check this out...
August 17th, 2010 03:03 PM
Assault With Caustic Chemicals, comes to mind.
August 17th, 2010 04:44 PM
back in the late '70s we got a signal 34 (officer need assistance ASAP) relayed to our dispatcher through a local taxi company dispatcher. It seems a cabbie was flagged down by someone who claimed to be a LEO (he wasn't) and saying he needed immediate backup.
Well this happened in a short city block in front of the cabbie's house as he arrived home for dinner. We sure scared him and his wife when we flooded the area with police cars with lights and sirens blaring. I felt sorry for the man's wife who came to the door when all of use arrived on scene,
It turns out the perp had picked up a hooker and during a certain oral encounter his wallet was stolen and she fled. So he drove around looking for her and that is when he flagged down the cabbie with the bogus story. From his description of the hooker we knew who it was and put out bolo.
Another officer picked up the hooker and we drove the perp/victim down to identify her. Except it wasn't a her and we had some fun with the victim concerning that fact. The hooker still had the man's whole paycheck which he had just cashed and he wanted it back. Nope, can't give it back - its evidence now.
I've always wondered how he explained to his wife that he had lost his whole check to a hooker who was really a guy in drag.
August 17th, 2010 08:01 PM
Extense... that reminds me. Called for an attempted suicide. Had a guy swallow a handful of nitroglycerine tablets then throw himself against a wall several times. Trying to make himself explode.
"Each worker carried his sword strapped to his side." Nehemiah 4:18
Guns Save Lives. Paramedics Save Lives. But...
Paramedics With Guns Scare People!
August 17th, 2010 08:06 PM
ROFLMAO that is hilarious, I almost shot the water I just drank out of my nose!
Originally Posted by paramedic70002
August 17th, 2010 08:25 PM
That really was ... something
Originally Posted by Rexster
"The Second Amendment: America's Original Homeland Security"
August 17th, 2010 11:56 PM
I told them that in about 20mintues he would be able to lean over and prop himself up
Originally Posted by 64zebra
KY Concealed Carry Instructor
Taser X2/X26 Instructor
"It is the tradition that a Kentuckian never runs. He does not have to…[he] is entitled to stand his ground, and meet any (life-threatening) attack made upon him with a deadly weapon…." Gibson v. KY, 34SW936(Ky.1931)
August 18th, 2010 01:17 AM
a couple of quickies....
* When a 13 yr old walked up to the fireworks stand to buy some fireworks (very short skinny kid) and they said he needed 20 more cents. He started digging in his pocket , then pulls out a .357 revolver nearly 1/2 his size so he could get to his change easier. The eyes of the guy at the stand was choice, they were the size of silver dollars. He later swore that it was only for "protection". Under the circumstances, his size, and where he lived... I tended to believe that was probably true , but how he could have ever handled that gun ... who knows.
* Now Frank was an interesting guy. A person was stealing Lambourghini's, Ferrari's, Maseratti's, etc. and after a few days they would be found parked somewhere unharmed. Some never showed back up. I mean 3-5 a week were disappearing. One location in front of a playhouse theatre , several had been stolen. So, it was staked out. A couple got out of their Lambourghini and walked across the street toward the theatre (which is where the plains clothes officers were watching) and he was in the car and driving off by the time the couple hit the other side of the street. Not too good of a stake out when he steals the car right in front of them and gets away.
* Frank one night, finally gets caught and the officer puts him in his cruiser (no cage) , handcuffed in the back and leaves the keys in the ignition. He walks over to talk to other officers there as a back-up. Seconds later, Frank takes off in the cruiser. A dispatcher called us told us to listen to that channel and we switched over to it. It was like listening to keystone cops, as numerous times we could hear someone shouting out... "I'm pursuing him at 2nd and Hillside" , and another officer coming on saying "that's me you idiot". Not 5 seconds later someone is excitedly shouting... "I've got him on Douglas just east of Hillside headed East"...... less than 5 seconds... another officer ,, "that's me dummy". This went on for an hour and a half. I have never laughed so hard in my life and had so many tears brought on by laughter. They finally found the cruiser sitting in the middle of a major thoroughfare , door open, car and lights running, and no Frank.
* Frank gets caught... again ; Frank is driving a stolen car and comes around a corner next to a strip mall where a woman decides she's turning into .... slowing.... hitting her brakes to make the turn, and Frank lightly rearends her. An officer seeing this, pulls up behind Frank and puts on his lights just to protect them from getting rear ended by someone else. Frank in panic, throws it into reverse...... is too excited and overdoes it, crashing into the front of the cruiser as the officer is getting out. His rear bumper locks with the officers front bumper, and as he throws it into drive and steps on it.... the officer dives back into his cruiser.... with Frank dragging him down the street. So, the officer puts on his brakes.... and now , Frank is dragging the officer down the street with burning tires the whole way... until everyone else arrives to see this scene.... and Frank gives up.
* While Frank is locked up, I volunteered to go over to talk to Frank. The reason : I had the privilege of going over to inform Frank that while he's been in jail..... someone stole his car from his parents home. We wanted to inform him personally.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --- Will Rogers ---
Chief Justice John Roberts : "I don't see how you can read Heller and not take away from it the notion that the Second Amendment...was extremely important to the framers in their view of what liberty meant."
August 24th, 2010 03:31 AM
Might as well post one of my favorites.
This last Police Memorial Day I attended the ceremony and then went straight to the start of my normal shift. Since I had needed my uniform hat for the ceremony and did not want to wear it the rest of the day, I placed it in the rear window of my Crown Vic, thinking nothing of it. First call of the day was for a nude man found by hospital security at a nearby hospital. I arrive on scene and the two security folks were having a spirited conversation about whether it was private property or not (even though it did not matter) with a young man wearing nothing more than a lap top carry bag on his shoulder. Chuckling to myself because I can already tell this is going to be an 'interesting' call, I approach the man. I tried to give him an out instead of going to jail, asking him where his clothes were so we could help him collect them and get home. All he will say to me at this point is that he was having sex with another man. I attempted to explain to him I dont care about that, I simply want to get some clothes on his person before we drive him home. "But I was having sex with a man!" is all he will tell me. This goes on for another minute or two, and then I explain that he is under arrest. Well lil nekked guy decides he does NOT like that and throws a hissy fit (yes, like a spoiled 3 year old). Eventually we wrestle him into handcuffs by pinning him against my car. He promptly urinates on my car door. Great. ......and no, the party does not end here.
Fast forward 5 minutes and I am on my way to the jail, and my naked charge in the back seat started to slip his cuffs around front. I call for another officer so that we can hobble him, er I mean use 'full restraints'. While I am waiting for the other officers to arrive I step out of the vehicle and watch him thrash around inside. Two of my buddies show up and I start briefing them on the situation, particularly his fondness for peeing on things. After I finish my brief, I look up at the car, and there he is in the back window of my Crown Vic licking the window WITH MY UNIFORM CAP ON HIS HEAD!!!!!!!.
The remainder of the transport went much along the same lines, but much more vulgar and disturbing, lets just leave it this way - chain hobbles probably wont be his first choice of thong underwear anymore. Nuff said.
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
August 24th, 2010 03:34 AM
Eagleks.... that is fantastic. LOL!!!!!!
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
October 15th, 2010 04:23 PM
Sorry to bump an old thread but I got a few funny ones
These both happened a while ago while doing LP for walmart.
I watch a man and woman conceal numerous PC games. I along with my partner and an assistant manager meet them at the door and I take the male as my female partner takes the female. on the way to the office the male keeps reaching into his pockets after numerous demands to keep his hands visible I go hands on with him and the fight is on. Me and the manager finally get him to the office door and the manager opens it. Right about this time I notice the man has a box knife blade in his hand so I take him down hard landing with my knee in his sternum. after we get him back up he looks at me and says something along the lines of "man you hurt me so bad I ****". I then asked what he said and he yelled "I **** my pants". About this time PD shows up and since it went out as a priority call about 6 officers show up. The argument of who was going to take the case and transport the smelly man was pretty funny. I could not get the smell out of the office for days.
I get a call from customer service about a man trying to return a vacuum without a receipt. They buy me some time by saying a manager had to come up and approve it and I review the CCTV. I see him come in empty handed and walk straight to the vacuums grab one and go to customer service. This is nothing new as it happened about twice a month. I tell them to wait a few minutes so I can make it to customer service and then do the transaction. When I get there they are handing him the gift card an I apprehend him there. when I get him back to the office i tell him to empty out all his pockets (company policy) when he reaches into his jacket pocket he turns as if he was trying to hide something I then grab his arm to see what he is hiding. when I pull his hand out of his pocket he has a big purple dong in his hand.
Last edited by jaredpotts; October 15th, 2010 at 08:24 PM.
October 16th, 2010 07:48 PM
I met my ex and the other LEOs on her shift for breakfast one morning in a local diner. The first thing they did was park "ghost cars" at the banks or other busineses in the small city, then the shift would have a briefing over breakfast. As we were sitting around a passerby came in...
"You know that empty cop car you guys park across the street? There's a naked guy jumping on it."
And there was, and beating out the windshield with a piece of asphalt, too. After they put him in the back of someones car he proceded to foul it with all the bodily fluids he could manage. This one guy took out two cop cars in 5 minutes and they had to go pick up one of the decoys to use for the shift.
Try not to screw up so bad they name the screw up after you. (Station 15 saying)
NRA Certifed Instructor
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