Unless you were there, you won't understand. That's the culture of veterans. Things you do and things you see, they are so horrific you don't want anyone to experience the same. War isn't glorious. War isn't even hell. It's worse than hell.
Combat is intimate. Think of talking about combat experiences as the same as sexual experiences with one's spouse. You can understand that some things just don't get talked about.
Some don't have a problem with it, some do. My grandfather was a WWI and WWII combat veteran (US Army 42nd Rainbow Div out of Oshkosh, WI) that lived until 99 years old. The things he saw. My father has over 100 hours of his interview with his father about all the war experiences. My father told me when he thinks I'm ready, he will let me listen to them. I'm 27 years old and still haven't heard them.
I've been in combat. I'd wish paralysis on someone before I wish combat on them.