From the Law Dog Files or "I guess that answer would be a Yes" or Why I love Texas".
Friday, August 18, 2006
That didn't hurt -- for long.
One of our long-term critters -- part-time dope dealer, occasional thug and full-time poster child for retroactive abortions -- has now become an object lesson.
Apparently, Mr. Critter developed a decidedly one-sided romantic fixation upon the teacher of one of his legion of off-spring. The object of his affections, not appreciating what a singular honour becoming Critter's Baby's Mama # 134 would be, nor desiring such, turned him down.
Mr. Critter seems to have missed the subtle hint contained in the phrase, "Stay the hell away from me!", because early on the morning in question Mr. Critter decided to pay a visit to the home of said Object Of His Affections.
Finding no one home after repeatedly hammering on the door and screaming, Mr. Critter departed the premises, only to return shortly.
As he began to resume his obnoxious activities, the neighbor of the schoolteacher, a middle-aged gentleman whose wife occasionally babysits the infant daughter of the schoolteacher, walked next door to inform Mr. Critter that the schoolteacher was out of town on vacation and to kindly desist from raising Cain on her front porch.
Mr. Critter promptly whipped a large silver-coloured revolver from his waistband, struck the man across the face with the barrel, knocking the neighbor back and down to one knee. Mr. Critter then proceeded to advance on the neighbor, pointing the gun at him him and loudly screaming: "You want a piece of me, mother****er?! Huh?! You want a piece of me?! I'll **** you up, you ho-ass mother****er! You want a piece of me?!"
Down on one knee and unable to retreat, the CHL-equipped neighbor skinned his Glock 23 and neatly whomped two .40-calibre slugs through Mr. Critter's brisket. (The detective taking the statement said, "I guess that'd be a 'Yes...'")
Mr. Critter had the good manners to drop the unloaded Daisy BB pistol with which he had armed himself and expired.
The officers handed the neighbor a receipt for his Glock and told him to come down to the station and pick it up when the Grand Jury was done.
Ladies and gentlemen, while the first rule of gunfights is to have a gun, there are two corollaries to that rule:
a) It should be loaded; and
b) BB guns don't count.