COMMENTARY: John Kelso
Texas: It's a whole 'nother shooting gallery
Friday, April 03, 2009
The economy might not be, uh, booming, but Texas soon might be booming literally because of all the spots the Texas Legislature wants to let you pack heat.
Still, I can think of several places other than your favorite watering
Take the gallery at the Capitol. They don't call that guy at the door of the House the Sergeant-at-Arms for nothing.
And what's good for the goose is good for the gooser. If you let guns in all over hell and gone, why should our lawmakers be left out of their own stew? If you allowed people to bring their pistols into the gallery, some of these bills might get shot down in a more colorful way.
Or as they say in the western movies, "Boys, look at the dude. Dance, dude." Let's see some hip-hop outta them loafers.
And speaking of the movies, why not let guns into the multiplex? Instead of the message on the screen being, "Please silence your cell phones," it would be, "Please use your silencers."
Or, how about letting guns into the Alamo down in San Antonio? What a tourism bonus. We might get a surprise reenactment every day.
Then there's those college football games. A Senate committee unanimously approved a measure to let guns in bars. And on Monday, a House committee heard testimony on letting guns on campus. Last time I looked, Royal-Memorial Stadium was on, you got it, the University of Texas campus.
If you can bring a gun in a bar, you ought to be able to bring one into Royal-Memorial. You ever been in that place? Some of those fans have been drinking. Then there's those bad calls. Go ahead, zebra, make my day.
You can say one good thing about the Legislative proposal to allow guns in Texas bars, though. It could lead to some creative promotional mottos.
Take Austin's Warehouse District , home of several popular drinking establishments. How's this for a bumper sticker for the Warehouse District? "Bring Your Glock 21 to Block 21 ."
'Course, if they let guns in bars, you'd have to be careful about telling the bartender, "Give me another shot." And speaking of shots, the guns-in-bars rule would be a real shot in the arm for the sign business.
Under the proposal, a person with a legal handgun will be able to bring it into a bar as long as there's no sign posted that forbids it. So all the sane bar owners in the state who didn't have such a sign would go buy one.
And all the bar owners who didn't post such a sign would be on lithium.
So here's a general state tourism motto: Living in Texas is a blessin', 'cause we all totin' Smith & Wesson.
Then again, how about guns on the Superman Krypton Coaster at Six Flags Fiesta Texas ? Mr. Six , meet Mr. Six Shooter.
John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 445-3606 or firstname.lastname@example.org