That's when the fight started

This is a discussion on That's when the fight started within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' ...

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Thread: That's when the fight started

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array fernset's Avatar
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    That's when the fight started

    THAT'S WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, 'What's on TV?'
    I said, 'Dust.'
    And that's when the fight started
    .................................................. ...
    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
    "No," she answered.. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes.." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    And that's when the fight started ...
    .................................................. .....
    I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
    It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
    "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said...
    So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
    And that's when the fight started...
    .................................................. ...
    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage....
    I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
    The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
    into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
    My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
    And that's when the fight started...
    .................................................
    A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
    Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap.
    That must be my husband!'
    So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
    The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
    And that's when the fight started.....
    .................................................
    I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Molson Canadian for $24.95.
    Instead, she bought a jar of face cream for $17.95.
    I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the face cream..
    And that's when the fight started.....
    ..............................................
    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
    And that's when the fight started....
    ................................................
    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
    Nah, she can order for herself..."
    And that's when the fight started.....
    ................................................
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since..'
    'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
    And that's when the fight started....
    .................................................. ...................
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my SIN.The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
    enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
    And that's when the fight started.....
    ............................................
    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
    And that's when the fight started....
    ..............................................
    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
    She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a bathroom scale.
    And that's when the fight started....
    ..............................................
    One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
    The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
    And that's when the fight started...

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  3. #2
    Member Array J400Cali's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    Thanks for this!! HILARIOUS!!

  4. #3
    Member Array Samwolf's Avatar
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    Great start to the morning thanks.
    Samwolf

    "One of the ordinary modes, by which tyrants accomplish their purposes without resistance, is, by disarming the people, and making it an offense to keep arms."

    -- Supreme Court Justice Joseph Story, 1840

  5. #4
    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    Funny!!!
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

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    Member Array CCRIDER's Avatar
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    Thanks I needed that!
    CCRIDER
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  7. #6
    Member Array Trumpetchuck's Avatar
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    I was driving in my car and rear ended the fellow in front of me.

    He got out of his car and I noticed he was very short.

    He looked at the back of his car and said to me "I am NOT happy".

    So I asked him "Which one are you?"

    THAT'S when the fight started!
    "Don't be afraid to see what you see.
    -Ronald Reagan-

  8. #7
    Ex Member Array F350's Avatar
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    I sent a few select examples to my wife.......



    And that's when the fight started

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by F350 View Post
    I sent a few select examples to my wife.......



    And that's when the fight started
    Darn, beat me to it!

  10. #9
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    I went to see my banker, I asked for a "home improvement" loan. He asked what I was going to do with it, I said get a divorce, that's when the fight started.

    Z
    An ounce of lead is worth 200lbs of cop.

  11. #10
    evo
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    This is awesome
    I think.
    Reading it to my wife and son got me some of these

    Thanks though. It was worth it
    Benjamin Franklin: "They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security."

  12. #11
    Distinguished Member Array jumpwing's Avatar
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    I love these.
    "The flock sleep peaceably in their pasture at night because Sheepdogs stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
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