If guns were treated like cars

This is a discussion on If guns were treated like cars within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; If Guns were Treated Like Cars (C) 2000 Ron Miller 1. You could get a simple license from the State for a nominal fee and ...

Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: If guns were treated like cars

  1. #1
    Member Array alelks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    149

    If guns were treated like cars

    If Guns were Treated Like Cars
    (C) 2000 Ron Miller

    1. You could get a simple license from the State for a nominal fee and only
    have to take a test that any idiot could pass. You'd only have to renew it
    every 10 years for 40 years and maybe retake the test if you move out of state.

    2. You could kill and injure people with your gun while drunk and still have
    your lawyer get your gun back because you need it for work.

    3. You'd have half the tax burden of the county and State dedicated to
    improving the shooting ranges and facilities. The public agrees this is never
    good enough to suit them and with all the gunowners from California moving in,
    the range capacity will never catch up. Lines at the range are always shown on
    TV with the newsies deploring the crowding.

    4. You could carry in any State at any time because carry and possession of
    your gun is honored nationwide and is considered a basic American civil right.

    5. You would see commercials on TV pushing the newest, latest guns which you
    could lease for just $25 per month subject to the fine print.

    6. You could finance a fancier gun than you can really afford by taking a 5
    year loan with approved credit.

    7. You would have a gun safe built into every house. In the upscale houses you
    would have 3 gun safes. Inexpensive houses and mobile homes would just have a
    gunrack by the door.

    8. You'd have gun storage lockers at the shopping mall in which to store your
    rifle while shopping. This in order to free your arms for packages. The
    convenience of the shopper is paramount.

    9. You could buy ammunition at the 7-11. Full-service station means they'll
    reload your magazines for you.

    10 The news would stop reporting gun accidents unless more than 10 children
    were killed at one time. Onesy-twosey would only be notable in small towns or
    if Princess Di's bodyguard shot her while aiming at paparazzi.

    11 If the price of ammunition rose 20% the Federal Government would release war
    reserves of ammo to bring the price back down to the consumer's comfort level.
    Ammo would carry a 50% tax to finance public shooting ranges. The Teapot Dome
    scandal would have been about a lead mine.

    12 We'd teach gunsmithing in vocational-education programs.

    13 Every 16 year old would be looking forward to the day when he could take the
    family revolver to school. The rich kids would get a high capacity semi-auto
    pistol on their 16th birthday and endanger everyone when they learn to use it
    in public.

    14 High schools would have large gun lockers to store student's arms while they
    attend classes. Administrators would try to charge for the service to
    discourage teen-age gun carrying to school.

    15 Schools would have shooter's education classes to make sure the kids could
    pass the test. They would show gory films of gunshot wounds. The squeamish
    would throw up.

    16 Old people who can hardly see would still be permitted to shoot in public
    because to disarm them would be to damage their self-esteem. Families would
    wring their hands over holes in the walls and ceiling. Occasionally an oldster
    would fire into a schoolyard when they mistake the trigger for the safety.
    Legislators would refrain from criticizing because of the AARP's influence.

    17 Congress would be debating alternative weapons systems for people who can't
    afford their own guns.

    18 There would be such a thing as "public weapons" for the masses.

    19 Congress would be subsidizing weapons for people too limited in means to
    afford their own.

    20 Congress would be willing to float a loan to Colt's in order to ensure the
    survival of an American company against unfair foreign competition. (Think
    "Chrysler")

    21 We, except for Ralph Nader, would dismiss 40,000 deaths and 500,000 injuries
    per year as "the price of freedom."

    22 You would have MADS. Mothers Against Drunk Shooters (instead of HCI). MADS
    would conduct a campaign of public education instead of trying to use the force
    of government to prohibit irresponsible drinking and shooting.

    23 You could rent a gun at any airport if you are over 25 and have a credit
    card.

    24 You would have the fringe-greenies advocating bows and arrows because they
    think gunsmoke is damaging the environment. Al Gore would write a book about
    the damaging effects of gunsmoke. Al Gore would also claim to have been a
    handloader before his sister died in a powder fire.

    25 You'd have huge outcry in the Press and Congress over our dependence on
    cheap, imported, foreign ammunition.

    26 Ted Kennedy would have shot Mary Jo Kopekne instead. Ted would be a few
    thousand dollars richer (bullet:$0.25 vs car:$3000) Ted would stop carrying his
    own gun and instead, hire bodyguards to carry fully-automatic weapons under
    their coats for him.

    27 You'd have businesses like "Jiffy Gun-Clean" to make life convenient. But
    you'd always worry that they might not have gotten the magazine fully seated
    afterwards.

    28 You'd have "Classic Gun Events" with parades on public roads as everyone
    with such a classic carries it for all the public to see.

    29 You'd have huge eyesores where piles of guns are left to rust in the open at
    "Gun Junk Yards". They would charge you outrageous prices to go out back and
    pick off a hammer or sear which is probably also worn out like the one you want
    to replace.

    30 There would be a booming business and debate about substituting non-OEM
    parts in the gun repair business.

    31 You'd have TV news crews going under cover with hidden cameras to ferret out
    "unscrupulous gun smiths." This story would be "old reliable" and works every
    year.

    32 The Japanese would be trying, and succeeding, at taking over the market for
    efficient, reliable high-quality guns. The Koreans would be trying to sneak in
    at the low end of the market. The Germans would be selling premium brands based
    on better workmanship, longer life, and brand cachet. But their guns would
    require you to take it to a gunsmith every 3 months for a complete tear-down
    and dimensional inspection at outrageous labor rates. The Italians would paint
    their guns flaming red and they would have a reputation for being finicky. The
    State Department would be applying pressure to get Japan to allow more US-built
    guns into their country. The Japanese would resist the US by saying that
    Japanese shooters have extra-special safety requirements that only Japanese
    manufacturers can meet.

    33 You'd have an entire section of the Saturday Coloradoan devoted to ads for
    new and used guns.

    34 You'd have a pair of fun-loving gunsmiths on Public Radio doing a show on
    gun problems. They'd be named "Tap & Rack"

    35 There would have been a terrible TV show back in the black & white days
    named "My Mother - The Gun". It starred Jerry Van Dyke and ran just one season.

    36 Dean Jones would have made a series of stupid movies starring Herbie the
    Love-Gun. Herbie was an adorable anthropomorphized cheap German Saturday Night
    Special. Dean Jones would never show his face in public again after these
    movies.

    37 Competition would be carried on TV all day on Saturdays. The Daytona 500
    would be round-count instead of miles. There would be speed contests, endurance
    contests, and off-range marksmanship events. NASGUN would create big heroes in
    the South and extravagant marketing opportunities.

    38 High-schools would paint up a gun in the colors of the opposition and charge
    $.25 for you to swing a sledge hammer at that gun during pep rallys.

    39 John Elway would own half the gunstores in the Denver Metro area.

    40 Wellington Webb's wife would be carrying the finest English Double shotgun
    money can buy while Wellington has body guards to carry his semi-auto pistols

    41 Back in the 1970's during the ammo crisis, Congress would have set a maximum
    cyclic rate for autos and semi autos in order to conserve ammo.

    42 After Iraq was pushed out of Kuwait, the national cyclic rate was raised to
    something all semi-autos can be comfortable with.
    43 The Coloradoan would be publishing the locations of range repair work every
    week to be sure no one would be inconvenienced.

    44 The Beach Boys would have released some songs about guns: "Spring little
    Cobray gettin' ready to strike..... Spring little Cobray with all your
    might....." "She's real fine my Wonder Nine, she's real fine my Won-der Nine."
    "Fun, fun, fun 'til Daddy takes her Kel-Tec away......"

    45 Letters to editors would be written decrying that all those Soccer Moms are
    lugging .50 cal machine guns around town, wasting ammo and getting in
    everybody's way.

    46 Letters to editors would be written responding that putting one's beginning
    driver son or daughter behind a .50 cal would mean that the writer's offspring
    would survive any conflict with lesser armed individuals.

    47 Al Gore would claim he invented the .50cal cartridge and say he was sorry.

    48 Cities would be experimenting with electric guns but would be surprised to
    find that people would step in front of them at the range because they were too
    quiet so no one knew the electric gun was there.

    49 President Clinton would demand that electric gun manufacturers put a cowbell
    on each one to prevent senseless accidents.

    50 The National Rifle Association would be reduced to selling travel insurance
    for your guns because the rest of society will have seen to it that there would
    be no chance that firearms would ever be banned.


    Copyright 2000 by Ron Miller. (unimogbert@ CONNECT PARTS TO E-MAIL pobox.com)

    Permission is granted for reproduction of this article provided that:
    A. Copyright notice and this list of provisions is included. Copyright notice
    to be placed prominently at the head of the article. The list of provisions
    may be moved to the end of the article if appropriate for presentation style.
    B. If excerpts are made of the 50 listed items a minimum of 15
    items are required to be reproduced in order to preserve the satirical
    tone of the original. If additional items are thought of, as I'm sure they
    will be, please delineate the additional contributions from the original.
    C. No monies are paid to anyone delivering this work for publication
    by any means. (The author didn't get paid to write it, therefore you
    shouldn't get paid for copying it.)
    D. Transmission to pro-gun organizations and gun owners is encouraged.
    E. Reformatting to use HTML and other presentation improvements is, of course,
    welcome.
    F. Use by anti-gun organizations will be scrutinized , and if any copyright
    infringement is found, will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
    After all, laws are for everybody.

  2. Remove Ads

  3. #2
    Distinguished Member Array GWRedDragon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Arlington, VA
    Posts
    1,413
    Quote Originally Posted by alelks View Post
    22 You would have MADS. Mothers Against Drunk Shooters (instead of HCI). MADS would conduct a campaign of public education instead of trying to use the force of government to prohibit irresponsible drinking and shooting.
    What? The penalties for drunk driving are always being raised. This one doesn't make sense.
    "Trust in God with hand on sword" -Inscription on my family's coat of arms from medieval England
    ---Carry options: G26/MTAC, PF9/MiniTuck, PPK/Pocket, USP40/OWB---
    ---NOTE: I am not an expert. If I ever start acting like a know-it-all, please call me on it immediately. ---

  4. #3
    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Wyoming, DE
    Posts
    10,940
    Very interesting!!!

  5. #4
    Senior Member Array SARR001's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Look at my login
    Posts
    814
    9. You could buy ammunition at the 7-11. Full-service station means they'll
    reload your magazines for you.

    Not in my house. All magazine reloads done in my garage.
    "Life's tough......It's even tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne

  6. #5
    Member Array Riana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Fairfax County, VA
    Posts
    192
    Quote Originally Posted by alelks View Post
    9. You could buy ammunition at the 7-11. Full-service station means they'll reload your magazines for you.
    I LIKE this one!

  7. #6
    Member Array gilliland87's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    phx, az
    Posts
    328
    Quote Originally Posted by GWRedDragon View Post
    What? The penalties for drunk driving are always being raised. This one doesn't make sense.
    the author was speaking of "Mother's Against Drunk Shooting: approach to preventing the epidemic of "Drunk Shooting", public education and prevention is the rallying cry of MADD.

  8. #7
    Senior Member Array TheShadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Stuck In The 1970's
    Posts
    915
    35 There would have been a terrible TV show back in the black & white days named "My Mother - The Gun". It starred Jerry Van Dyke and ran just one season.


    OMG a take off on the... "Voted Worst TV Show In History" 1965

    Hell I kinda liked it... but I'm a weird car guy

    Episode One I Dare You To Watch IT!

    Dave Crabtree goes out to buy a station wagon, but buys a rundown 1928 Porter car for $200! Dave doesn't buy the car on a whim. He buys it because...well, because it's his mother

  9. #8
    Member Array cz2075bd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    272
    There would be a recall on Toyota guns that went full-auto when the trigger got stuck.
    pro-CZ's, pro-AR's, anti-CZAR's

  10. #9
    VIP Member
    Array DaveH's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    SW Virginia
    Posts
    5,036
    Quote Originally Posted by cz2075bd View Post
    There would be a recall on Toyota guns that went full-auto when the trigger got stuck.
    Rather than prosecute the owner.
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    I'm just one root in a grassroots organization. No one should assume that I speak for the VCDL.

    I am neither an attorney-at-law nor I do play one on television or on the internet. No one should assumes my opinion is legal advice.

    Veni, Vidi, Velcro

  11. #10
    Distinguished Member Array kazzaerexys's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,838
    I am thinking about Zip Cars---only problem is that 'zip guns' means something entirely different...
    “What is a moderate interpretation of [the Constitution]? Halfway between what it says and [...] what you want it to say?” —Justice Antonin Scalia

    SIG: P220R SS Elite SAO, P220R SAO, P220R Carry, P226R Navy, P226, P239/.40S&W, P2022/.40S&W; GSR 5", P6.

  12. #11
    Senior Member Array Daddy Warcrimes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    AZ
    Posts
    736
    "and suddenly I can not hold back my sword hand's anger"

    DaddyWarcrimes.com

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Hot cars and guns
    By Pro2A in forum General Firearm Discussion
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: June 9th, 2009, 05:44 PM
  2. Question on FL guns in cars law
    By azagthoth in forum The Second Amendment & Gun Legislation Discussion
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: April 27th, 2008, 10:55 AM
  3. Texas's new law (Guns in Cars) (MERGED)
    By Defensor in forum Concealed Carry Issues & Discussions
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: September 10th, 2007, 12:46 AM
  4. Comparing guns to cars.
    By Daddy Warcrimes in forum The Second Amendment & Gun Legislation Discussion
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: August 17th, 2007, 04:47 PM
  5. Cars = Guns
    By Pete in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: March 22nd, 2007, 12:18 AM