A Few More Puns to Make You Smile

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Thread: A Few More Puns to Make You Smile

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array JonInNY's Avatar
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    A Few More Puns to Make You Smile

    Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine .

    A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

    Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

    Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

    Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

    A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

    A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

    Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

    Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

    Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

    Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

    When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

    A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

    What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

    She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

    A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

    With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

    The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

    You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

    Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.

    Every calendar's days are numbered.

    A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.

    A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

    He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

    A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

    Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

    Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

    Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

    Acupuncture is a jab well done.
    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch; Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."
    -- Benjamin Franklin

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    Member Array UnklFungus's Avatar
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    Love it!
    “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government.”

    Patrick Henry
    Quote Originally Posted by UnklFungus
    If it is ok to disarm legal citizens to reduce crime, then doesn't it stand to disband the military to prevent war?

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    Member Array drkangl6's Avatar
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    Thanks for a morning giggle!
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    Quality mother/daughter time: PRICELESS

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    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
    And in Chicago, your dead uncle votes.

    Twice.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

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    Senior Member Array Rob P.'s Avatar
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    One more:

    Poultry gusts. Ma Nature's way of preventing you from keeping your ducks in a row.

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