Do i get involved???

This is a discussion on Do i get involved??? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; As I said in another post I am teaching a women's self defense class. I have many years of training in self defense and martial ...

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Thread: Do i get involved???

  1. #1
    Member Array AllAbtSlfDef's Avatar
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    Do i get involved???

    As I said in another post I am teaching a women's self defense class.

    I have many years of training in self defense and martial arts. I am also a LEO. I have received lots of good advice from this site and hope it continues.

    One of my students is in an abusive relationship. He is physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. It is so bad that she was shaking thurought the class. He brought her to the class and stuck around. I know next week that he will not be allowed in the class, nor will anyone who is not a participant. I am not sure what to do. The lady works for the same company I do, she is terrified of her husband. She gave the famous " I love him BUT..."

    What do I do? Do I get involved? She said she has nowhere to go, nothing, etc etc. Do I help her get away from him, I really need some advice here. Thanks.


    Jason
    "Put on the whole armor of God..."

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array First Sgt's Avatar
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    In most cities of reasonable size, there are agencies to assist domestic abuse victims. In many police departments there are domestic abuse units/specialists that have referral agencies at their finger tips. Why don't you invite a "specialist" from either the police department or from a community agency to address your class as part of your training. Oftentimes even those specialists can offer certain techniques to aid the victim in self defense. Self defense is not just the teaching of physical remedies for assault, it should be the giving of direction for emotional and mental responses to assault, both before it happens and after it happens. Just a thought.... JMO
    Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.

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    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by First Sgt View Post
    In most cities of reasonable size, there are agencies to assist domestic abuse victims. In many police departments there are domestic abuse units/specialists that have referral agencies at their finger tips. Why don't you invite a "specialist" from either the police department or from a community agency to address your class as part of your training. Oftentimes even those specialists can offer certain techniques to aid the victim in self defense. Self defense is not just the teaching of physical remedies for assault, it should be the giving of direction for emotional and mental responses to assault, both before it happens and after it happens. Just a thought.... JMO
    This is very good advice!
    Hiram25
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    Senior Member Array 1911PKR's Avatar
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    From seeing this ALL TOO MANY times in "the hood" first hand.... you'd be taking a HUGE risk getting personally involved. First Sgt. has very good advice.
    "Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom" Gen. George Patton

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    Senior Member Array jhh3rd's Avatar
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    Not being sarcastic, you are already involved. Do some investigating to confirm her allegations then decide if you need to take it to the next level or walk away.

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    Member Array AllAbtSlfDef's Avatar
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    JHH3RD- what should I check into? this is my first ride on the bull let alone a rodeo so to speak lol.

    I should say what do I look for??
    Last edited by AllAbtSlfDef; May 14th, 2010 at 10:25 PM. Reason: too vague
    "Put on the whole armor of God..."

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    Senior Member Array Pure Kustom's Avatar
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    self defense class? teach her how to inflict lots of pain on a male person.

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    This may sound like a cop out, but refer her to the professionals, and let them handle it. Remember, most abused persons return to their abusers, giving them "one more chance" to straighten their act up.
    Freedom doesn't come free. It is bought and paid for by the lives and blood of our men and women in uniform.

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  10. #9
    Member Array AllAbtSlfDef's Avatar
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    and well according to all the cop dramas ... that's where they die... I don't wanna see that happen. I'll get in touch with the shelters

    Jason
    "Put on the whole armor of God..."

  11. #10
    Senior Member Array stevem174's Avatar
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    Remember, you can HELP her but you can’t fix the problem. She has to make the choice and follow up with action in order to help herself.

    The shelters that I have experience with are very good at talking to new women. Almost all of the staff has “been there done that” in the past. But it’s been my experience as a street medic that a woman has to leave her spouse several times and take the beating after she returns before they finally decide that they don’t need the bum. From the outside, it's a very simple choice, but from what I understand, it's a tough choice from inside the relationship. Most abusive people are also masters of manipulation and convince the spouse that they have to stay for one reason or another.

    Also, start looking over your shoulder. The abusive spouse may come after you for sticking your nose in his business. He won’t come straight at you. He is too much of a coward for that. He will either ambush you or cause damage to your property.
    Don't do things you don't want to explain to the Paramedics!

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  12. #11
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    One of the most"DANGEROUS" situations a LEO will ever encounter is a domestic violence call,If you get involved Hubby will decide you and his wife are messing around,
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

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    Member Array FLSquirrelHunter's Avatar
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    The advice already received is enough. Don't get personally involved without training in that specialty, get her in touch with people who know what to do. A guest instructor, or 'new student' who has those skills would be good.

    Sadly, this isn't just about her or him. Domestic violence is a generational disease. If she is in an abusive relationship, that is the result of assortative mating, and regardless of what you see on TV, the likelihood of death has more to do with how many generations have been violent and whether or not substance abuse is included than with whether or not someone intervenes.

    You have studied self-defense techniques, teach those to her. Make her able. Let someone who studies abusive relationships make her willing. She will need to decide when she's ready. And for the sake of her children, let's hope that time comes soon.

    She needs to leave. Her most difficult challenge is not in this relationship, but choosing her next.

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    Distinguished Member Array Guardian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllAbtSlfDef View Post
    As I said in another post I am teaching a women's self defense class.

    I have many years of training in self defense and martial arts. I am also a LEO. I have received lots of good advice from this site and hope it continues.

    One of my students is in an abusive relationship. He is physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. It is so bad that she was shaking thurought the class. He brought her to the class and stuck around. I know next week that he will not be allowed in the class, nor will anyone who is not a participant. I am not sure what to do. The lady works for the same company I do, she is terrified of her husband. She gave the famous " I love him BUT..."

    What do I do? Do I get involved? She said she has nowhere to go, nothing, etc etc. Do I help her get away from him, I really need some advice here. Thanks.


    Jason

    You say you both work for the same company, but you are an LEO also, parttime or both, What is the status of your LEO duties, what are the laws of domestic violence and/or abuse in your states, physical evidence, maybe your agency can step in on her behalf from that stand point as in a investigation if it is warranted of course or convince her to make the first move and file the necessary charges.. I'm not sure, just asking, it was a little easier as a military cop, so I ask when it comes to LEO duties in the civlian sector.
    "I dislike death, however, there are some things I dislike more than death. Therefore, there are times when I will not avoid danger" Mencius"

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    Member Array rich cheese's Avatar
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    Take advice about referring to professionals.Do not get "personally"
    involved.
    The psycho husband may very well think you are a boyfriend , or at least meddling and attempt to kill you.
    I have seen this happen and it never bodes well for the friend who gets too close
    and tries to help by himself.
    Let the pros trained for this handle it.

  16. #15
    Member Array AllAbtSlfDef's Avatar
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    My LEO duties are not the same as municiple or state police officer. I am a constable, we serve arrest warrants and handle civil aspects. We do not get involved in initiating investigations or stepping in. I do securtiy as a full time job and warrant work part time. She works for the same security company.

    I do not believe she has any children, I am going to get in contact with the shelter and some local police and see what they can do.

    Thanks everyone.

    Jason
    "Put on the whole armor of God..."

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