Top Ten Ways You Can Tell if You Might Be a Target

10. You hear Bush and Chertoff in the background when you phone your mom.

9. Your picture is on the front page right after you win the Power ball.

8. The slower you go on the six lane, the more cop cars line up behind you.

7. You wear a fur coat to the mailbox during deer season.

6. CSI is in your office when you get to work.

5. Your mailman carries a GLOCK 22.

4. The noise sets off your car alarm as you pass a motorcycle gang.

3. Uncle Guido and cousin Luigi need to stay with you awhile.

2. AMW features a serial killer, and the picture looks just like you.

1. You hear helicopters when you weed the garden.