Depressed for the first time in my life
This is a discussion on Depressed for the first time in my life within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; For the first time in my life I think I am actually depressed. I have all the symptoms. Don't want to eat, tired all the ...
June 8th, 2010 01:05 AM
Depressed for the first time in my life
For the first time in my life I think I am actually depressed. I have all the symptoms. Don't want to eat, tired all the time, seem to take no joy in anything. Others.
My situation? I am currently staying with family in Indiana working a new job. I like this job better than the one I left in Memphis TN. But I hate this state. And I can't fully explain why I hate Indiana so badly. I grew up here but I have been gone for almost 25 years. I thought it would be nice to come back to where most of my family still lives. But, honestly, I am kind of let down in them. For almost 25 years, they have been people that I saw very occasionally. They were mostly voices on the end of a phone line. Now that I am right here with them, I think I liked them better the other way. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but that's the way it is.
We lived in Arlington TN. A beautiful small Southern town that had both an older part of town that was kept rustic for historical purposes and a newer section with some modern conveniences such as a Grocery store and other fairly new (less than 3 years old) shopping. It had a very nice gym that I belonged to less than 5 minutes from my house.
Here we live in a dump of a town named Monrovia. The whole place looks old. Nothing new or of the modern convenience style. I don't like it.
I miss Southern Hospitality. It actually does exist you know. Not here but in the South it does exist. Everyone I have met here seems to be a self absorbed jackass.
My situation is 180 degrees from what it was in Tennessee. I hated my job and especially my boss. But I loved where we lived, our neighbors and the town. My kids had lots of friends. I had a great gym I worked out in (very important to me) and my wife and I got to spend lots of time together.
Here, I work crappy hours but I like the place I work at and my boss. But I hate the town we live in, the people around us suck, my kids don't know anyone and, the closest gym is 20 minutes away and it is tiny and just plain crappy.
And in case all this wasn't bad enough, this is the single most racist place I have ever lived in my life. I don't remember that aspect of Indiana from when I was growing up but boy, I sure notice it now. And I hate it about the place.
Bottom line, I no longer consider myself a Hoosier. I wouldn't tell someone I was from this state now for anything. I consider myself from Tennessee from now until the day I die.
I am depressed and miserable. I have never felt like this before and it scares me. I am not myself.I don't know what to do about it either.
Thanks for letting me get this all off my chest so to speak.
June 8th, 2010 01:13 AM
I know what you mean, I feel that way every time I'm home in MI it seems.
Give it time Mike, it takes time to find the right area, and if you're staying with family that means you have time to find the right area for you and yours.
Keep your chin up.
June 8th, 2010 01:14 AM
Mike, your entire life has been inverted for some time now. Several job changes and everything up in the air has got to wear on a fellow. If I remember right, your wife and kids are still in TN too; that can't be helping.
Also, you are living with family and that is a very stressful thing to go through as well.
I'd focus my attention into finding an area of town that suites your family's needs. Indy is a big town with a little of everything. There has to be a 'burb somewhere that you will like.
I felt much the same way you did after moving to my current location 15 years ago. Now, looking back, I couldn't imagine being in my home town still. There is no way I would have grown and be as financially sound as I am now without making the move that I did. Although I miss the town and my friends, I came to understand that it wasn't so much the town that I missed, it was time that has gone by. Nobody has figured out how to reverse time. You can never move forward when you are always looking back. If you are always looking in the rear view, you will run into a wall eventually.
June 8th, 2010 01:16 AM
TN Mike, keep your head up & Hang in there things will get better. I was depressed a few years ago but I eventually got over it. Don't worry about the racism part it is everywhere it is just worst in some places than in others. I wish you the very best man
June 8th, 2010 05:49 AM
Mike....keep your head up. Does your new work have an employee assistance program as part of your benefits or health care? It might do some good to talk to someone face-to-face. Or vent here...you have friends here.
We all go through some kind of adjustment when moving to a new place (...as I'm still adjusting)...while you long for TN (as I long for VA), the thing to look forward to is coming home to your wife and family. You can only change/influence so much....take care of the things you can take care of...
Feel free to PM if you like.
- know the difference
is a fancy name for crappy fighter
You have never lived until you have almost died. For those that have fought for it, life has a special flavor the protected will never know
June 8th, 2010 07:47 AM
Sorry to hear that, Mike. But I appreciate your honesty.
As far as the self-absorbed jackasses, there are many of those here in St. Louis also. In fact, now it's time for me to go drive among them.
I don't have any answers. Just try to hang in there for a little while if possible. Perhaps something will change for the better.
June 8th, 2010 08:02 AM
Sorry to hear that Mike. I've got to say it though, it could be worst!
My wife would like to move back to our childhood home town... New York City! Someplace I left in 1964, and would never return to, a place I hated returning to at the end of every summer after 2.5 months in Western PA living with family there.
EOD - Initial success or total failure
June 8th, 2010 08:38 AM
Good luck Mike.
We'll welcome you back one day when you get back down South.
Seriously when you have kids/family often you have to make sacrifices on some aspects of your life. Keep plugging, something will work out for you.
June 8th, 2010 08:55 AM
Mike, what you're experiencing is a form of culture shock. I've been where you are now, and it's no fun at all. Since my college years, I've moved from Michigan to Okinawa Japan, to California, back to Michigan...and out here to NJ. Each time, I went through some tough times. What you're experiencing is completely normal, and if you hang in there...those feelings will eventually go away. At least they always did for me...yes, even here in New Jersey. Making new friends will help... (church, hobby, work, gym, etc.). Don't withdrawal...and take one day at a time.
Check out this link ...or just google 'culture shock.'
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June 8th, 2010 08:58 AM
keep your head up Mike.....I moved to no where Kansas about 4 years ago away from anyone and anything I ever knew.....and it is just now starting to feel like home.....it kind of grows on you eventually.....I realized I spent to much time comparing everything to the past and how it didn't matter what happened here it was always better before I left Idaho....I finally realized this was extremely unhealthy for me and my family...and it carried over to the new people I met and kept them keeping their distance.....good luck and hang in there things will get better...at least you like your job......I am praying for you.....
June 8th, 2010 09:07 AM
And then there's always this guy's philosophy:
Originally Posted by SIXTO
YouTube - The Old Philosopher Eddie Lawrence
June 8th, 2010 11:25 AM
Hang in there Mike, things will get better. Find you a nice house in an area you like, get the family back with you. Small steps one after the other will get you to where you want to be. Retire to TN!
You can educate ignorance, you can't fix stupid
Retired DE Trooper, SA XD40 SC, S&W 2" Airweight
dukalmighty & Pure Kustom Black Ops Pro "Trooper" Holsters, DE CCDW and LEOSA Permits, Vietnam Vet 68-69 Pleiku
June 8th, 2010 11:44 AM
FWIW, I've done something similar. After hating it for the first few years, I eventually came to realize that I am still the same man that I was before I got here. I've always made my own fun and just had to learn a new way to do it. Like others have said, it'll get better when you get set up in your own house. Hang tough. You'll be in my prayers.
'Clinging to my guns and religion
June 8th, 2010 11:59 AM
Hang in there Mike, I would be depressed to if I was living with my relatives without my wife and kids there.
It will get better
A real man loves his wife, and places his family as the most important thing in life. Nothing has brought me more peace and content in life than simply being a good husband and father.
June 8th, 2010 12:00 PM
Mike...I spent 20 years in the military, MOVING to new places. I can relate somewhat to your feelings. However, with that said, each place had it's good and bad points. You must make every effort to seek out the GOOD and shake off the bad. Find some folks that have the same social interests as yourself (shooting) and make some friends. Check out the local gun shops, find one that you like and frequent it, so that they get to know you and you get to know them. Get you a BIG University of Tennesse flag, or UT license plate, etc....Stay involved with your feelings about and for Tennessee. Find a good church, make friends. Each little thing that you do to turn a negative into a positive will help you to at least get comfortable with your new surroundings until it's time for you to go back to Volunteer country. How do I know all this?....I am originally from a little town called Mt Juliet, Tenn. Although I miss it, I'm now a transplanted South Carolinian. Now it's "go Vols" and "go Gamecocks"...LOL...Things will work out my friend.
Sometimes in life you have to stand your ground. It's a hard lesson to learn and even most adults don't get it, but in the end only I can be responsible for my life. If faced with any type of adversity, only I can overcome it. Waiting for someone else to take responsibility is a long fruitless wait.
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