Interesting, I wonder if this is real

Interesting, I wonder if this is real

This is a discussion on Interesting, I wonder if this is real within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; From a Recon Marine in Afghanistan From the Sand Pit - it's freezing here. I'm sitting on hard, cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at ...

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  1. #1
    Member Array mreymann's Avatar
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    Interesting, I wonder if this is real

    From a Recon Marine in Afghanistan

    From the Sand Pit - it's freezing here. I'm sitting on hard, cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains , along the Dar 'yoi Pomir River , watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave. Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles.

    I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to avoid another scorpion sting. I've actually given up battling the chiggers and sand fleas, but the scorpions give a jolt like a cattle prod. Hurts like a *******.. The antidote tastes like transmission fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack.

    The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not, they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink water. That requires couriers and that's where an old bounty hunter like me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where to drop the hardware. We bash some heads for a while, then I track and record the new movement.

    It's all about intelligence. We haven't even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they're in for. We are but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin.

    I dream of bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my boot on his throat as I spit into his face and plunge my nickel-plated Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me, I'm a romantic. I've said it before and I'll say it again: This country blows, man. It's not even a country. There are no roads, there's no infrastructure, there's no government This is an inhospitable, rock pit **** hole ruled by eleventh century warring tribes There are no jobs here like we know jobs.

    Afghanistan offers two ways for a man to support his family: join the opium trade or join the army. That's it. Those are your options. Oh, I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with stomach flu, if that's your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those 'tent cities of the walking dead' is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.

    I've been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a couple of Pushtuns, for over a month-and-a-half now, and this much I can say for sure: These guys, all of 'em, are Huns... actual, living Huns.. They LIVE to fight. It's what they do. It's ALL they do. They have no respect for anything, not for their families, nor for each other, nor for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life. They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other's barbarism. Cavemen with AK-47's. Then again, maybe I'm just cranky.

    I'm freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice, and I can't recharge it until the sun comes up in a few hours. Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban 'smart.' They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is 'cunning.' The Taliban are cunning, like jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are sneaky and ruthless, and when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart. Pfft. Yeah, they're real smart.

    They've spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be products of the devil. They're still figuring out how to work a Bic lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.

    OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole. Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, but I'm good at it.

    Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and move on with your lives. The story line you are getting from CNN and other news agencies is utter ******** and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you glued to the screen through the commercials. We've got this one under control The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what we're doing over here, because you have no idea what we're doing, and really, you don't want to know. We are your military, and we are doing what you sent us here to do.

    Saucy Jack
    Recon Marine in Afghanistan
    Semper Fi


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array packinnova's Avatar
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    "My God David, We're a Civilized society."

    "Sure, As long as the machines are workin' and you can call 911. But you take those things away, you throw people in the dark, and you scare the crap out of them; no more rules...You'll see how primitive they can get."
    -The Mist (2007)

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    Array OPFOR's Avatar
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    I could've told you that w/o Snopes... Just too full of BS. Funny read, though.
    A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands - love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper - his hands remember the rifle.

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    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    And here my first question was "how does he know what transmission fluid tastes like?"
    My blog

    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

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    Mine was "what kind of Walter Mitty carries a nickel-plated Bowie knife?"
    A man fires a rifle for many years, and he goes to war. And afterward he turns the rifle in at the armory, and he believes he's finished with the rifle. But no matter what else he might do with his hands - love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper - his hands remember the rifle.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array Mardet65's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paaiyan View Post
    And here my first question was "how does he know what transmission fluid tastes like?"
    I agree with you but just to play devils advocate, have you ever said something tastes like S**T?
    "Kimbers are the guns you show your friends, Glocks are the guns you show your enemies."

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    Senior Member Array Mardet65's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OPFOR View Post
    Mine was "what kind of Walter Mitty carries a nickel-plated Bowie knife?"
    Now there's an observation that holds water.
    "Kimbers are the guns you show your friends, Glocks are the guns you show your enemies."

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    VIP Member Array shockwave's Avatar
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    I've seen some online blogs like this one that capture images of daily life in Afghanistan. It's nothing at all like the cartoonish stereotype portrayed in that bogus letter.

    Here's one kept up by some Westerners working there to provide aid. As you can see in the pictures and read in their journal entries, life over there is difficult, and some parts of the country are barren, other parts are verdant. People work in trades of all kinds.

    While I wouldn't want to go there myself, I see no need to dehumanize the Afghanis and portray them as two-dimensional caricatures.
    "It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first."

  9. #9
    ntg
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    I'm with you paaiyan "And here my first question was "how does he know what transmission fluid tastes like?"

    I can't think of the last time I was tempted to taste tranny fluid?
    M&P Shield9; RIA 1911 Tactical 9mm;...many long guns

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