Signs you've been in the navy too long:

This is a discussion on Signs you've been in the navy too long: within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; You refer to the family car as the "liberty boat". You refer to the drive-through at McDonald's as an "UNREP" [Underway Replenishment]. Your wife says ...

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Thread: Signs you've been in the navy too long:

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Signs you've been in the navy too long:

    You refer to the family car as the "liberty boat".

    You refer to the drive-through at McDonald's as an "UNREP" [Underway Replenishment].

    Your wife says she has PMS [Planned Maintenance System] and you ask her if she verified her MRC [Maintenance Repair Code].

    You do not let your kids leave the ship (home) without a collared shirt.

    You take hourly readings on your refrigerator and oven.

    You refer to your wife as the "Berthing P. O."

    Your son falls off the front porch and you call away "man overboard".

    You consider closing up the house for the night as "setting condition Zebra".

    You call your back porch the "Fantail".

    When you change the oil in your car you hang a "Danger Tag" on the ignition.

    When you're finished changing the oil in your car, you sign the "13 week file".

    You call the operator for a phone check.

    When your smoke detector goes off, you don an OBA [Oxygen Breathing Apparatus].

    Your children get in trouble and you give them "NJP" [Non-Judicial Punishment].

    You refer to the upstairs of your house as the "01 Level".

    Your car's fifth gear is also known as "Ahead Flank".

    Your clogged sink has a "trouble call number" assigned to it.

    Your wife "tapes off" the kitchen to mop the floor.

    You issue your children "liberty cards".

    When you walk out the front door, you feel obligated to put on a hat.

    When the mailman arrives, you muster the Bravo working party on the front steps.

    You're proud of your son for raising his biology grade from a "Delta to a Bravo".

    The baby sitter has to get her "qual card" signed off before she watches the kids.

    You have a compulsion to sleep on the top shelf of your closet.

    You walk around with your stereo headphones on and mumble all secure.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Array DaveJay's Avatar
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    The U.S. Navy...234 years of Tradition, unimpeded by progress...






    Just kidding...my dad is retired Navy, and still doesn't forgive me for going Air Force...but my son repaid me by going Army...
    VCDL Member
    "Let us speak courteously, deal fairly, and keep ourselves armed and ready."
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  4. #3
    VIP Member Array Stevew's Avatar
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    Concur, now turn to.
    Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around laws. Plato

  5. #4
    Member Array nickhallnavy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by goldshellback View Post
    Your wife says she has PMS [Planned Maintenance System] and you ask her if she verified her MRC [Maintenance Repair Code].
    it's Maintenance Requirement Card. here's my list. And they are all so true!


    How to live like a Sailor! Just follow the simple steps below, and you’ll be singing Anchors Aweigh before you know it!

    Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.

    Run all the pipes and wires in your house so they are exposed on the walls and visible to everyone.

    Repaint your entire house every month.

    Renovate your bathroom. Move the showerhead to chest level, and set the water pressure to alternate between barely dripping and needlegun intensity. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

    Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

    Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney (a leaf blower works well), making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor’s house. Ignore his complaints.

    Once a month, take all major appliances apart for no valid reason and then reassemble them.

    Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

    Disassemble and inspect your lawn mower every week.

    On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, turn your water heater up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays, tell your family they used too much water during the week and turn the water off altogether.

    Raise your bed to within six inches of your ceiling so you can’t turn over without getting out and then getting back in.

    Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a flimsy curtain. Have your spouse throw the curtains open about three hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say, “Sorry, wrong rack.” Then try to fall back asleep while your dog snores beside you.

    Make your family members qualify to operate each appliance in your house – dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. Re-qualify every six months.

    Have your neighbor come over each morning at 5 a.m., blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and then shout, “Reveille, reveille!!! All hands heave out! Reveille!!!”

    Have your mother-in-law write down everything she’s going to do the following day, then have her make you & your family stand in the back yard at 6 a.m. while she reads it to you.

    Submit a request chit to your father-in-law respectfully requesting permission to leave your house before 3 p.m.

    Three times a day, empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway whether they need it or not. Have someone repeat loudly, “Sweepers sweepers, man your brooms! Give the ship a clean sweep down both fore and aft!”

    Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you. If there are any packages, have your neighbor kick them around a few times to ensure anything valuable inside is broken.

    Watch no television except for movies played in the middle of the night. Repeat the same movie several nights in a row.

    When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their battle stations.

    Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting your pantry or refrigerator.

    Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Make them wait in line for an hour. When you finally get to the kitchen, tell them you’re out of steak but offer them dried chicken or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for cereal.

    Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread glue-like icing thickly to level it off.

    Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Make sure it’s your least favorite flavor of jelly. Call this “Midrats.”

    Set your alarm clock to go off randomly during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks, then run into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.

    Every week or so, preferably in the middle of a meal, throw your youngest child into the pool and shout, “Man overboard, man overboard! Man overboard port side!” Rate your family members on how long it takes to respond, and scold them if they don’t transit the ship up and forward on the starboard side, down and aft on the port.

    Put the headphones from your stereo on your head but don’t plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove and say into the paper cup, “Stove manned and ready.” After an hour, say into the cup, “Stove secured.” Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.

    Make your family turn out all the lights and go to bed at 10 p.m., saying, “Taps taps. Lights out. Maintain silence about the decks.” Then immediately crash an 18-wheeler into the side of your house.

    Build a fire in a trashcan in your garage. Loudly announce to your family, preferably while your spouse is in the shower, “This is a drill, this is a drill!!! Fire fire fire!!! Class alpha fire in hangar bay one!”

    Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand four-hour watches at the podium. For maximum effect, conduct this evolution either in January or in the middle of a torrential downpour. Ensure they are not properly dressed for the weather.

    During a thunderstorm, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseated. Make sure you have a supply of stale crackers in your pocket. Alternative: Find the biggest horse you can, tie a two-inch thick mattress to its back, and strap yourself to it. Turn the horse loose in a barn filled with snakes for six hours and try to sleep. Then get up and go to work.

    Get your neighbor’s teenage son to run a jackhammer right above your bedroom at uneven intervals for approximately three hours.

    Make coffee using 18 scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot. Let the pot simmer for five hours before drinking it.

    Add ½ cup of diesel fuel to the laundry.

    Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

    Every couple of weeks, dress up in your very best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the sleaziest bar and get drunk until you can barely stand. Then walk all the way home.

    Lock yourself in your house with your family for a month. Tell them at the end of the month you’re going to take them to Disney World. At the end of the month, tell them the trip to Disney World has been cancelled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.

    Hire someone to hammer on a 55-gallon drum at random hours of the day and night to simulate paint chipping.

    Wear an outfit of all-white cotton to change the oil in your car. Wear that same outfit to a formal event the next day.

    Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.

    Whenever one of your children doesn’t feel well, have them go stand outside the bathroom for an hour. Regardless of what is wrong with them, give them Motrin. Only send them back to bed if they are near comatose. If they’re just vomiting, they can still go do their chores.
    MC3 (SW) Hall

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    Such fond memories and for the most part relative accurate. However we do need a Bosun's Pipe and a loud spealer bellowing "Now hear this!"
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
    In God we trust.

  7. #6
    Member Array nickhallnavy's Avatar
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    every time a mod posts, they should preface it with "stand by for word from a mod"
    MC3 (SW) Hall

  8. #7
    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    I see nothing wrong with this...
    Magazine <> clip - know the difference

    martyr is a fancy name for crappy fighter
    You have never lived until you have almost died. For those that have fought for it, life has a special flavor the protected will never know

  9. #8
    Member Array Martini13's Avatar
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    It has been a few years, but I had to change my skivvies on a few of them!

    Thanks for the memories.




    .
    Common Sense, the rarest of all senses

  10. #9
    Distinguished Member Array Jason Storm's Avatar
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    -When you make a PPR (Preplanned Response=new terminology for those who serve in the post 9-11 Navy) checklist for your home defense plan. Heck, I did one just for kicks and humor on my personal laptop when I had nothing to do at sea. And I made it very detailed and specific too, pertaining to my guns (LOL). Even had the paper laminated too when I printed it out.
    -When you fold your clothes the Navy way as taught in boot camp. Believe me, I still do that and it does save me a lot of space, both at home and on the ship, where space is at a minimum.
    -When you buy a lot of books related to the Navy. I also got other Navy-related books on performance evals as well as "Bluejacket's Manuals" (old and current editions), SEAL Workout Book (Dennis Chalker), and "Rocks and Shoals" (book on old Navy justice in the sailing days).
    -When you buy a lot of Navy-related movies as I have in my collection (The Last Detail/Top Gun/Men of Honor/A Few Good Men/Antoine Fisher/Flight of the Intruder/Down Periscope/An Officer and a Gentleman/Crimson Tide/Behind Enemy Lines).
    -When you collect some Navy-related documentary videos (Naval History/Red Cell/Navy SEALS History/Naval Seapower).

  11. #10
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    Some of those remind me of some SNCOs I've known.
    Fortes Fortuna Juvat

    Former, USMC 0311, OIF/OEF vet
    NRA Pistol/Rifle/Shotgun/Reloading Instructor, RSO, Ohio CHL Instructor

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    Away-All-Boats!

    Those were funny!
    Hiram25
    You can educate ignorance, you can't fix stupid
    Retired DE Trooper, SA XD40 SC, S&W 2" Airweight
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  13. #12
    VIP Member Array TN_Mike's Avatar
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    I have read many of these before and they still make me chuckle. But I also see a bit of me in several of them. Don't know for sure if that is saying something good or weird about me.

    FC2
    US Navy 1986-1993 (Medically Retired due to shipboard injury)
    USS Wisconsin BB-64
    USS R. K. Turner CG-20
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  14. #13
    Senior Member Array Free American's Avatar
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    Some of those bring back fond memories. Others I guess I missed being on submarines (not whistles and crap like that). However as GSB can attest THAT is a whole other list of things to do to simulate submarine life...

    MM1(SS)
    They who give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. Benjamin Franklin


    Previously known as "cjm5874"

  15. #14
    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jason Storm View Post
    -When you buy a lot of Navy-related movies as I have in my collection (The Last Detail/Top Gun/Men of Honor/A Few Good Men/Antoine Fisher/Flight of the Intruder/Down Periscope/An Officer and a Gentleman/Crimson Tide/Behind Enemy Lines).
    How about "Mister Roberts", "Ensign Pulver", "Operation Petticoat"?
    Magazine <> clip - know the difference

    martyr is a fancy name for crappy fighter
    You have never lived until you have almost died. For those that have fought for it, life has a special flavor the protected will never know

  16. #15
    Distinguished Member Array Jason Storm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SIGguy229 View Post
    How about "Mister Roberts", "Ensign Pulver", "Operation Petticoat"?
    Not those unfortunately.

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