My Mother

My Mother

This is a discussion on My Mother within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished ...

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Thread: My Mother

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    My Mother

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

    7. My mother taught me IRONY.
    "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
    "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

    14.. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
    "Just wait until we get home."

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
    "You are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    "You're just like your father."

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    And my favorite: 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
    "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


  2. #2
    Member Array gaowlpoop's Avatar
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    My number 2 son fits #25 exactly. JUSTICE is sooooooooooooo sweet!


    (My grand daughter is so sweet, wouldn't trade her for the world but #22 sure worked.)
    Steven
    The "news media" has ceased being the watch dog of the people and has become the apologist for an irresponsible government.

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    Senior Member Array 1911PKR's Avatar
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    #26 Self gratification .... "That'll make ya go blind"

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    Distinguished Member Array pinklady's Avatar
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    I can remember alot of these. It is funny now but it wasn't back then.

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    Senior Member Array CCWFlaRuger's Avatar
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    Duk, when were you speaking to my mother?
    "You will not rise to the occasion and you will not default to your level of training. You WILL ONLY default to the level of training you have mastered."
    -Ruger P345; LCP
    -Mossberg 590A1; Model 42
    -Phoenix Arms Raven

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    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    Thanks for posting! I've been away from home for a long time, but this sure brings it back! Gotta love Mom!
    Hiram25
    You can educate ignorance, you can't fix stupid
    Retired DE Trooper, SA XD40 SC, S&W 2" Airweight
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  7. #7
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CCWFlaRuger View Post
    Duk, when were you speaking to my mother?
    I never spoke to your mom,I believe they had a conspiracy back then
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Old school Moms. Absolutely!

    It became the playbook for handling children at a time when the rules were simple. In order to keep sane and still keep the kids on the straight and narrow path, the remedies and punishments had to be simple as well. I don't think of it so much as a conspiracy as shared knowledge from their joint therapy sessions each morning, once we had all headed off to school.

    Don't forget about #26: My mother taught me about CLEANLINESS. Whenever I left an empty glass of milk on the counter, she reminded me that she had let the servants go early today, so it was my responsibility to clean the mess myself. Worked every time.

    Thanks, Mom.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  9. #9
    kpw
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    VIP Member Array kpw's Avatar
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    #22...I'd say thank you and she'd remind me it wasn't a compliment. Great list!
    "In a republic this rule ought to be observed: that the majority should not have the predominant power." -
    -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

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