Your Bad Joke Of The Day!! - Page 2

Your Bad Joke Of The Day!!

This is a discussion on Your Bad Joke Of The Day!! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Originally Posted by tbrenke MY 5 YEAR OLD. what is green with wheels......... grass. I was kidding about the wheels. That reminds me of a ...

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Thread: Your Bad Joke Of The Day!!

  1. #16
    Member Array Benthic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tbrenke View Post
    MY 5 YEAR OLD.
    what is green with wheels.........
    grass. I was kidding about the wheels.
    That reminds me of a favorite of mine:

    What do a tree and a squirrel have in common?




    They both have fur...except for the tree.


    Brian


  2. #17
    VIP Member Array hogdaddy's Avatar
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    Two Hillbillies walking down the road, One has a sack of chickens & sais to his buddy, If you can guess how manny chickens I got in the sack I'll give ya all both of em, His buddy said Three ; )
    H/D
    A Native Floridian = RARE


    IT'S OUR RIGHTS>THEY WANT TO WRONG
    H/D

  3. #18
    Member Array deadhawg's Avatar
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    How can you tell who really loves you?
    Lock your wife and your dog in te trunk of your car for a few hours.
    When you open the trunk, which one is glad to see you?
    How a politician stands on the Second Amendment tells you how he or she views you as an individual; as a trustworthy & productive citizen, or as part of an unruly crowd that needs to be lorded over, controlled, supervised and taken care of.
    Suzanna Hupp

  4. #19
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    What do you call four mexicans in quicksand?


    quatro cinco.
    I haven’t heard any of the journalists who volunteered to be waterboarded asking to have their fingernails wrenched out with pliers, or electrodes attached to their genitals.

  5. #20
    Senior Member Array bps3040's Avatar
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    The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

    Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.' St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
    Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
    God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

    Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'
    God said, 'Ah, yes.'
    'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

    1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
    2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
    3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
    4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
    5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

    'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.' God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

    'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.
    Socialism: A great Idea...'til you run out of other people's money. Margaret Thatcher

    "A man without a gun is a subject, a man with a gun is a citizen."
    ~Ted Nugent

  6. #21
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    How do you recognise a dogwood tree?

    By it's bark.

  7. #22
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    There was a man who entered the local papers pun contest. He sent in ten diffrent puns, hopeing at least one would win. Unfournately, no pun in ten did.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  8. #23
    Senior Member Array DMan's Avatar
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    Some of these need to be outlawed! I thought with was only ONE bad joke per day. I guess I hang my head in shame as I post the following....

    What happens to a white shark when you toss it into the read sea?




    It swims.

    Oh, I am ashamed....
    "Gun Free Zones" is where only criminals carry guns.

  9. #24
    Senior Member Array DMan's Avatar
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    Three Little Pigs

    Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.
    “I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy.
    “I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy.
    “I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.

    The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
    “I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy.
    “I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy.
    “I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” said the third little piggy.

    The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
    “I want a banana split,” said the first piggy.
    “I want a cheesecake,” said the second piggy.
    “I want beer, lots and lots of beer,” exclaimed the third little piggy.
    “Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter to the third little piggy,
    “But why have you only ordered beer all evening?”

    The third piggy says -

    “Well, somebody has to go Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!”


    Are you sorry this thread was started?????
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    "Gun Free Zones" is where only criminals carry guns.

  10. #25
    Senior Member Array bps3040's Avatar
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    Saw this elsewhere and stole it, lol
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    Socialism: A great Idea...'til you run out of other people's money. Margaret Thatcher

    "A man without a gun is a subject, a man with a gun is a citizen."
    ~Ted Nugent

  11. #26
    Member Array Electraclyde's Avatar
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    If it takes a hen and a half, a day and a half, to lay an egg and a half. How long will it take a rooster sitting on a keg of nails to hatch a hardware store??
    (This was my Dad's favorite.)
    We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible, for the ungrateful. We have done so much, with so little, for so long, we are now able to do anything with nothing.

  12. #27
    Member Array StcLurker's Avatar
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    two muffins are sitting in the oven, one says to the other "boy its getting hot in here". the other one says

    "AHHH TALKING MUFFIN!"

    a piece of rope walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "sorry we don't serve ropes here". so the rope walks out, doubles himself over, ruffles his hair and walks back in. the bartender says "aren't you the same rope that just tried to order a drink?

    the rope says "nope, I'm a frayed knot"
    Quando Omni Flunkus Moratati

  13. #28
    VIP Member Array SpringerXD's Avatar
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    Um...you actually did want BAD, right?

    Q. What's the difference between Swine Flu and Bird Flu?

    A. With Swine Flu, they give you an OINKment. With Bird Flu, you get a TWEETment.


    What's Irish and comes out in the Springtime?

    Paddy O'Furniture


    What do you do with a dog that has no legs?

    Take it out for a drag.


    How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?

    One. She holds the bulb and the universe revolves around her.
    "I practice the ancient art of Klik Pao."

    -miklcolt45

  14. #29
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Why wuz Snoop Dog carrying an umbrella?

    Cuz he thought it wuz gonna fa'drizzle.
    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  15. #30
    VIP Member Array SIGguy229's Avatar
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    A Taurus that doesn't require a trip to customer service....or use, results in a trip to the emergency room.
    Magazine <> clip - know the difference

    martyr is a fancy name for crappy fighter
    You have never lived until you have almost died. For those that have fought for it, life has a special flavor the protected will never know

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