Your Bad Joke Of The Day!!

This is a discussion on Your Bad Joke Of The Day!! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; What do you call a brunette sitting between two blondes? A translator....

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Thread: Your Bad Joke Of The Day!!

  1. #31
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    What do you call a brunette sitting between two blondes?

    A translator.
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

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  3. #32
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    A giraffe walks into a bar and sez: "Hey everybody...the highballs are on me!"

  4. #33
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    Well a Chicken walks into a bar....ah never mind....

  5. #34
    Distinguished Member Array ErnieNWillis's Avatar
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    An athiest an agnostic and a Mexican are standing at the Pearly gates and are approached by St. Peter. ST. Peter says gentlemen I will let you in after you correctly answer my question. Who can tell me about Easter. The athiest say's I got this one. (Athiest) Easter is when we put up a tree in our homes and put presents under it. St. Peter says no I'm sorry. The day you speak of is Christmas. I'll need you to step over here please. The agnostic say's I think I know the answer. (agnostic) Easter is when we have family over. eat turkey and watch football. St. Peter says ooh no I'm sorry but the day you speak of is Thanksgiving. Go ahead and stand with the other gentleman over there. St Pete asks the Mexican "Sir can you tell me about Easter"? Si, jes I can. The Easter is when they crucify the Christ and the put him in a cave and put a beeg rock over dee hole and...Wait hold it right there said St. Peter turning to the athiest and agnostic says you guy's need to listin to him. Please sir continue St. Peter says to the Mexican. The Mexican says jes like I was saying Easter ees when they crucify de Christ and put heem in a cave and put a beeg rock over dee hole. And they move dee rock and the Christ comes out and eef he sees hees shadow their will be six more weeks of winter!
    Last edited by ErnieNWillis; July 12th, 2010 at 01:30 PM.

  6. #35
    Distinguished Member Array ErnieNWillis's Avatar
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    One more...

    A husband and wife are lying quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question.



    Wife:
    'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?'

    Husband: 'Definitely not!'

    Wife:
    'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

    Husband: 'Of course I do.'

    Wife:
    'Then why wouldn't you remarry?'

    Husband: 'Okay, okay, I'd get married again.'

    Wife:
    ' You would? (with a hurt look)

    Husband: Groans

    Wife:
    'Would you live in our house?'

    Husband: 'Sure. It's a great house.'

    Wife: 'Would you sleep with her in our
    bed?'

    Husband: 'Where else would we sleep?'

    Wife:
    'Would you let her drive my car?'

    Husband: 'Probably. It is almost new.'

    Wife:
    'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

    Husband: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

    Wife:
    'Would you give her my jewelry?'

    Husband: 'No.. I'm sure she'd want her own.'

    Wife:
    'Would you take her golfing with you?'

    Husband: 'Yes. Those are always good times.'

    Wife:
    'Would she use my clubs?'

    Husband: 'No. She's left-handed.'

    Wife:
    - silence


    Husband:
    ' . . . Crap.

  7. #36
    Senior Member Array DMan's Avatar
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    ^^^
    "Gun Free Zones" is where only criminals carry guns.

  8. #37
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    How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    You neek up on it.

    How do you catch a tame rabbit?
    Tame way - you neek up on it.
    __________________________________
    'Clinging to my guns and religion

  9. #38
    VIP Member Array Guns and more's Avatar
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    A horse walks into a bar.
    The bartender says, "So, why the long face?"

    A bear walks into a bar and orders a run and............................coke.
    The bartender says, "So, why the big pause."

    A photon walks into a bar.
    The bartender asks, "What will you have?"
    The photon says, "Nothing, I'm traveling light."
    Last edited by Guns and more; July 12th, 2010 at 10:37 PM.

  10. #39
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    This is the story of the Babbits and the Trids.
    The Babbits are happy folk love to play, dance and sing all day. The Trids are hard working folk, cleaning, keeping the nose to the grind stone, working like ants, except one day each year. They gather together in the main square, line up in front of the ruling Ogre and punch him in the stomach. The Ogre turns the Trid around and kicks him in the pants. This goes on all day with much glee. One year a Babbit notices this, gets in line and punches the Ogre in the stomach. The Ogre slaps the Babbit. The next Trid in line punches the Ogre and receives a swift kick. The Babbits threw themselves in the line, but no matter how many joined the Babbits got slapped and the Trids got kicked. Finally, at the end of the day the head Babbit asked the Ogre, "Why do you slap us Babbits, and kick the Trids?" The Ogre replied:

    "Silly Babbit, Kicks are for Trids!"
    "The millions of people, armed in the holy cause of liberty, and in such a country as that which we possess, are invincible by any force which our enemy can send against us." Patrick Henry 1775

    Vegetarian: Indian for inept hunter.

  11. #40
    Senior Member Array DMan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ghuqu2 View Post
    This is the story of the Babbits and the Trids.
    The Babbits are happy folk love to play, dance and sing all day. The Trids are hard working folk, cleaning, keeping the nose to the grind stone, working like ants, except one day each year. They gather together in the main square, line up in front of the ruling Ogre and punch him in the stomach. The Ogre turns the Trid around and kicks him in the pants. This goes on all day with much glee. One year a Babbit notices this, gets in line and punches the Ogre in the stomach. The Ogre slaps the Babbit. The next Trid in line punches the Ogre and receives a swift kick. The Babbits threw themselves in the line, but no matter how many joined the Babbits got slapped and the Trids got kicked. Finally, at the end of the day the head Babbit asked the Ogre, "Why do you slap us Babbits, and kick the Trids?" The Ogre replied:

    "Silly Babbit, Kicks are for Trids!"


    I nominate this one as the winner for the worst joke!!!
    "Gun Free Zones" is where only criminals carry guns.

  12. #41
    Senior Member Array boatail's Avatar
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    how can you pick ONE?
    Light travels faster than sound...thats why some people appear bright before they speak

  13. #42
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    So this pirate walks into a bar
    Bartender says: "Sir, are you aware there is a steering wheel in your pants?
    Pirate says: "Yarrr, and it's driving me nuts!"
    Semper Paratus

    ‎"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell

  14. #43
    Senior Member Array dsee11789's Avatar
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    If you come to America illegally you get:

    Free Healthcare
    Free Education
    Welfare
    Food Stamps
    Drivers License





    Hahahahahaha.........ha.......ha


    Oh wait........ That's not a joke.
    Exodus 22:2 "If a thief is caught breaking in and is struck so that he dies, the defender is not guilty of bloodshed"

  15. #44
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    2 blonde walk into a bar, the 3rd one ducks.

    A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kinda joke?"
    I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!

    "Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun. And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son." Josh Thompson "Way Out Here"

  16. #45
    Member Array thephanatik's Avatar
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    How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.



    Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
    "What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend.
    "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
    "A talking clock? How's it work?"
    "Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"
    Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation. - Rule #23 in the USMC rules for gunfighting.

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