Your Bad Joke Of The Day!!
This is a discussion on Your Bad Joke Of The Day!! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy ...
July 10th, 2010 05:25 PM
Your Bad Joke Of The Day!!
A preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week."
CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.
July 10th, 2010 05:25 PM
July 10th, 2010 05:34 PM
The funniest joke in the world:
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
"You will not rise to the occasion and you will not default to your level of training. You WILL ONLY default to the level of training you have mastered."
-Ruger P345; LCP
-Mossberg 590A1; Model 42
-Phoenix Arms Raven
July 10th, 2010 05:49 PM
Light travels faster than sound...thats why some people appear bright before they speak
July 10th, 2010 06:16 PM
OK -- another two hunter joke
Two hunters are out in the woods on their first deer hunting trip. They get completely lost.
Hunter # 1 "What can we do. It'll be dark, soon?"
Hunter # 2 "I've read that if you wait until a half hour after sun-set and fire groups of three shots, folk will come to your rescue.
A bit later:
Hunter # 1 "Well it hasn't worked so far."
Hunter # 2 "I know! We only have one more try and then we'll be out of arrows."
I'm just one root in a grassroots organization. No one should assume that I speak for the VCDL.
I am neither an attorney-at-law nor I do play one on television or on the internet. No one should assumes my opinion is legal advice.
Veni, Vidi, Velcro
July 10th, 2010 06:43 PM
Woman wants to go deer hunting with her husband. He isn't too keen on the idea, but she insists. He takes her out and puts her way up on the side of a hill in a tree stand, figuring she can't hurt much there. He then goes to the other side of the hill and takes up his position. After about 30 minutes he hears all kinds of shooting from his wife's position and then a lot of yelling. He hurries to her aid only to find her pointing her gun at a man who is screaming, "OK Lady, you can have the deer, just let me get the saddle off of him!"
You can educate ignorance, you can't fix stupid
Retired DE Trooper, SA XD40 SC, S&W 2" Airweight
dukalmighty & Pure Kustom Black Ops Pro "Trooper" Holsters, DE CCDW and LEOSA Permits, Vietnam Vet 68-69 Pleiku
July 10th, 2010 07:50 PM
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you."
The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named, Steve?"
"That I cannot do."
"Give this to, uh, Clemenza. I want reliable people, people who aren't going to be carried away. After all we're not murderers in spite of what this undertaker thinks."
Certified Glock Armorer
NRA Life Member
July 10th, 2010 08:04 PM
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the snake fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the monkey.
Exodus 22:2 "If a thief is caught breaking in and is struck so that he dies, the defender is not guilty of bloodshed"
July 10th, 2010 10:04 PM
Fish swims into a piece of concrete and says, "dam".
So this baby seal walks into a club ...
July 10th, 2010 10:18 PM
If it takes a chicken and a half a day and a half to lay an egg and a half, how long does it take a peg leg cockroach to stomp a hole in a stale biscuit? It can't be done. Because ice cream has no bones.
I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!
"Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun. And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son." Josh Thompson "Way Out Here"
July 10th, 2010 10:43 PM
01/20/09 The dawn of a new error.
When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
"Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."
July 10th, 2010 10:59 PM
Guys out hunting and walks into a clearing where there's a nude woman sitting on a blanket, he asks her are you game? She says yes. So he shoots her.
Luke 22:36 and if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.
July 10th, 2010 11:30 PM
What's brown and looks like a stick?
"Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. It undergoes continual change; but this change is not [an improvement]. For everything that is given, something is taken."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
July 10th, 2010 11:32 PM
I swear I laughed at this.
Originally Posted by retsupt99
If I gave a crap about what you think about my guns.....it was early this morning and I already flushed it!
July 10th, 2010 11:55 PM
July 11th, 2010 12:24 AM
MY 5 YEAR OLD.
what is green with wheels.........
grass. I was kidding about the wheels.
"I cannot undertake to lay my finger on that article of the Constitution, which granted a right to Congress of expending, on objects of benevolence, the money of their constituents." -1792, James Madison
There are always too many Democratic, Republican and never enough U.S. congressmen.
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