Introduce your FAV Anti-war pundit to the LARK Program!

This is a discussion on Introduce your FAV Anti-war pundit to the LARK Program! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; THE LARK PROGRAM A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being ...

Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Introduce your FAV Anti-war pundit to the LARK Program!

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExSoldier's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Coral Gables, FL

    Talking Introduce your FAV Anti-war pundit to the LARK Program!


    A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent (terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay. She received back the following reply:

    The White House
    1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
    Washington, D.C. 20016

    Dear Concerned Citizen,

    Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

    Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington. You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

    In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.

    It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

    Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

    Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

    Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time. Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

    Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching.

    Good luck!

    Cordially, your friend,

    Don Rumsfeld
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; NRA Endowment Life; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

  2. #2
    VIP Member Array ELCruisr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Central FL
    Now THAT would change some attitudes!
    If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. ~ Thomas J. Watson, Jr.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array Macattack's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Rainy ol' Seattle, WA
    Wow if only politicians really had a sense of humor...Or if the liberals would tolerate one.
    "In those days, there was a lot more respect for other people and it showed in peoples values.... Today the word value means nothing more than something you get on the $1 menu at McDonald's." -BARK'N

  4. #4
    Senior Moderator
    Array Rock and Glock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Press any key.......

    Golly! Makes me want to "help her out" so she can take some extra detainees!
    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ: Buy These Stickers Here

    "A man without ethics is a wild beast loosed upon the world" Albert Camus

  5. #5
    VIP Member
    Array srfl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    6,868 THAT was funny!
    USAF: Loving Our Obscene Amenities Since 1947

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Southwest Tennessee
    The LARK program should have plenty of liberal support.

  7. #7
    VIP Member
    Array CopperKnight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Spokane area, WA
    Gotta love it. One of these days maybe someone about to retire will actually send out some letters like that. <one could hope>
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

  8. #8
    Ex Member Array one eyed fatman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    In the mean time our government keeps crucifying our troops for doing what they were hired to do, kill the enemy.

Remove Ads

Sponsored Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

Similar Threads

  1. Allow me to introduce myself..
    By Varhammer in forum New Members Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: April 22nd, 2010, 03:46 PM
  2. Allow myself to introduce... myself.
    By gdm320 in forum New Members Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: August 12th, 2009, 01:26 AM
  3. Just want to introduce myself
    By theamen777 in forum New Members Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: May 11th, 2009, 08:46 PM
  4. Allow myself to introduce myself...
    By LibertyNow in forum New Members Introduce Yourself
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: July 17th, 2008, 11:47 PM
  5. The LARK program-help a captive in need
    By FortyFive in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: January 10th, 2005, 08:08 PM