August 13th, 2004 08:47 PM
Liberals And Conservatives: No, its about Beef and Beer!
The division of the human family into its two distinct political
branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as
members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This
epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the
occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning
of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery.
That\'s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
liberal movement. An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these
early liberal men eventually evolved into women.
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade
union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept
of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
the conservatives provided.
Over the years, conservatives became to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn\'t \"fair\" to make the pitcher
Conservatives drink domestic beer; they eat red meat, and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumber jacks, construction workers, oilfield workers, medical doctors,
police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and
generally anyone who works productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to \"govern\" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
are more enlightened than Americans.That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and
created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
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