Liberals And Conservatives: No, its about Beef and Beer!

This is a discussion on Liberals And Conservatives: No, its about Beef and Beer! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands ...

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Thread: Liberals And Conservatives: No, its about Beef and Beer!

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    Liberals And Conservatives: No, its about Beef and Beer!

    The division of the human family into its two distinct political
    branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as
    members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

    The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This
    epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the
    occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups:

    Liberals and Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning
    of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
    yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery.

    That\'s how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days killing animals to barbecue at night while
    they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of the conservative
    movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live
    off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing

    the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
    liberal movement. An interesting evolutionary side note: some of these
    early liberal men eventually evolved into women.

    Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade
    union, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept
    of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
    the conservatives provided.

    Over the years, conservatives became to be symbolized by the largest,
    most powerful land animal on earth.

    Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
    white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
    beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

    Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have
    higher testosterone levels than their men.

    Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
    in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
    designated hitter rule because it wasn\'t \"fair\" to make the pitcher
    also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer; they eat red meat, and still provide
    for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
    lumber jacks, construction workers, oilfield workers, medical doctors,
    police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and
    generally anyone who works productively outside government.

    Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives
    who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to \"govern\" the producers
    and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans
    are more enlightened than Americans.That is why most of the liberals
    remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

    They crept in after the Wild West was tame and
    created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

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