This is a discussion on In the beginning within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables. He did this ...
In the beginning, God covered the
earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach
combined with an abundance of green, yellow and red vegetables.
He did this so that Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God\'s bountiful gifts,
Satan created Dairy Queen and Tim Horton\'s. And
Satan said: \"You want hot fudge with that?\" And Man
said: \"Yes!\" And Woman said: \"I\'ll have one,
too...with sprinkles.\" And lo and behold they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt
that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so
fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.
So God said: \"Try my fresh green
garden salad.\" And Satan presented crumbled Bleu
Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And
Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said: \"I have sent you
heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to
cook them.\" And Satan brought forth deep-fried
coconut shrimp, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And Man\'s cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato,
naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and
good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful
skin, sliced the starchy center into chips and
deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious
quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes
so that his children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the
flickering light and started wearing stretchy lycra
God then gave lean beef so that Man
might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his
appetite. And Satan created McDonald\'s and the
99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: \"You
want fries with that?\" And Man replied: \"Yes! And
super size \'em!\" And Satan said: \" It is good.\"
And Man and Woman went into cardiac
God sighed...and created quadruple
Satan chuckled and created The
Canadian Health Care System.