June 22nd, 2006 06:05 PM
Please help I need advice on this guys
I just found out that the woman I've been seeing for 8 months was probably sleeping around on me, I got this from a friends of hers who's known her for years.
When I confronted her she denied it of course but the thing is should I believe her or them?
The thing is that I trusted her and I thought she cared about me. I really did.
My heart is telling to believe her but, my gut is telling me she's lying to me.
She does strange things like almost never answering her cell phone in front of me or leaving my company to make or take a call.
She disappears for a day - sometimes a day and half without answering her phone and her only explanation is she was at her girlfriend's house (a girlfriend I've never met and don't know where she lives) and didn't want to talk to anyone.
I don't feel this to be valid answer to someone you're involved with for almost a year, do you?
She constantly accuses me of sleeping with my female friends, which I don't do.
Now I'm 27 and shes 38 & she chalks up my concerns to insecurity and being immature.
The thing is I am neither and I did in fact trust her up until she started her little disappearing acts.
I believed her that we were only seeing each other and no one else and have been having unprotected sex with her.
I guess I am concerned because of std's and hiv and such, I mean if this is true if she has been sleeping around I have a serious problem I think.
So guys what should I do here? Do I trust my heart or my gut?
I don't really have any real proof.
However, her secretive behavior does lend credence to this person's claims.
I've also heard similar things about her when we first met from other people that know her, but wanted to give her a chance.
June 22nd, 2006 06:28 PM
Trust your gut, and then go get tested. If she's constantly accusing you of cheating and has all that secret stuff going on I'd bet that she is cheating on you.
June 22nd, 2006 06:41 PM
Trust your gut and get tested.Also find new girl .
June 22nd, 2006 06:42 PM
Make decisions regarding this relationship without basing on emotion...
Hold her accountable for her whereabouts, get tested and probably best to remain celibate until the doubts are resolved one way or another....
The best relationships are based on friendship and respect, not physical attraction. That only comes with time. Life is too short and precious to waste it worrying and being miserable.
Finally, develop a spiritual relationship with God through prayer and ask for wisdom concerning all areas of your life. I know through personal experience that faith can make all the difference.
"Ray Nagin is a colossal disappointment" - NRA/ILA Executive Director Chris W. Cox.
"...be water, my friend."
June 22nd, 2006 06:54 PM
As "they" say... Kick her to the curb.
If she can't tell you where she's going, then that's reason enough.
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June 22nd, 2006 06:56 PM
First, sorry to hear the situation.
Originally Posted by 1911luver
TRUST YOUR GUT. It doesn't lie.
Move on with your life . It might seem like nothing else matters right now but with time (and a variety of new talent) you will get past this.
It is my belief once you have these "gut feelings" the relationship is tainted anyhow so move on to the next one.
I hope everything works out in the end.
June 22nd, 2006 07:25 PM
Ask Uncle QKShooter:
You sure do not sound like an insecure or immature individual to me. So...I don't think the problem is on YOUR end.
Read your own post over again carefully and just pretend that I wrote that exactly as you have written it & pretend that you were reading that exact same post about me & my girlfriend.
What would you honestly think?
The truth is no less true just because you don't want to believe it.
I can tell you what I think but, I'm sure you already know the answer to your own questions.
Remember that you two are not married and (even if she is cheating) there is really nothing you can do except cry in your beer for a while and then start shopping around for a suitable replacement girlfriend.
She is not legally obligated to be faithful "only to you" and she is not legally obligated to tell you the truth (in matters of the heart) either.
Morally she owes you something...Yes ...but, what is that these days?
It sounds harsh but, you don't own each other "body & soul" & whatever you do...PLEASE...Don't do anything STUPID if she IS cheating...because it sure is not worth it.
The last thing in the world that you want to do is end up with a criminal record or (worse) in jail...over any unfaithful female.
That happens many, many times in this world Every Single Day & that is why I'm warning you.
If you get POed then go punch a brick wall & break your own hand but, do not go emotionally ballistic and/or get violent anywhere near her. Be a Man...walk away.
So...unless you want to either Stalk Her or hire a Private Detective to tell you what you probably already know...then hold your head high and just walk away.
You'll be glad you did in the scheme of things.
Any good Private Investigator will tell you that 90+ % of the time when one partner thinks that the other is cheating & it gets to the point where they feel they need to call a P.I. then that other person IS cheating. It's a fact. If she is acting goofy & inexplicable to the degree that you felt it necessary to post it here...then the "Bells & Whistles" should be going off in your head.
Save yourself some money...you're not married & (I'm guessing) that you don't have any kids with her.
If you don't have any mutual trust right now...then what is in store for you and this relationship in the future?
And if she is fooling around on you...then you don't want to get an S.T.D. out of the deal.
There are so many great women out there that will truly appreciate having a good, honest, faithful man (AKA YOU) as a soul~mate...why would you want to bother with a person that obviously does not much appreciate you?
Naturally, just my opinion but, were I you...I sure would looking at her in the rear view mirror.
June 22nd, 2006 07:43 PM
At this point you have nothing to loose and everything to gain. One day when she is not looking, grab her cell phone and look at her call history (outgoing and incomming), write down some or all of the numbers, and call them. You will get your answers REAL quick !! Don't call from your phone, goto a motel and use the lobby phone, or somewhere else that has a local public phone. If a guy answers, ask him how he knows so-and-so, ask them anything you want, more than likely, they will tell you. You don't know them and they don't know you, you might as well get your info while you have them on the phone because this will be your only chance to get info.
This may be BS to some. Try it, you will be suprised !!
June 22nd, 2006 07:47 PM
I'll add something following QK's good post.
IMO the worst thing in a relationship is jealousy - it is destructive and even dangerous.
Relationships need built on trust - if for some reason a partner seems to being cooling off then accept that for whatever reason they are less enamored of you. Fault? Not really anyone's - does not have to be.
The doubts you voice are indicative of mistrust - and that is IMO a death knell. if you can get an admission from her all well and good - close the book and go lookin elsewhere. If no admission then still accept things probably are not as they were however much you wish it.
I wish you luck and happiness - but I somehow doubt this older lady is the one for you.
Chris - P95
NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.
"To own a gun and assume that you are armed
is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."
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June 22nd, 2006 07:54 PM
Contact "Dear Abby". Most of us here are gun people. --------
June 22nd, 2006 07:59 PM
Originally Posted by RSSZ
EOD - Initial success or total failure
June 22nd, 2006 08:03 PM
+1 for cut-away and pop-reserve (you do have a reserve don't you).
June 22nd, 2006 08:32 PM
The heart and the gut - two things that always seem to collide. I've gone with my heart and ignored my gut many times, all resulting in disaster and heartbreak. When you find the one person you really are in love with that's the right one for you, heart and gut come together and you'll know it.
I think you already know that she's cheating on you, even though you haven't seen it with your own eyes. Her behavior fits the pattern of a cheater. It's not something you can fix. Her cheating ways is not a reflection of your ability to be a good man to her. A cheater will cheat on the most loving, good partner, and will always make up excuses blaming that partner. Even in a relationship where one partner is unhappy, there is no excuse to cheat. Either problems are resolved or the relationship must end before moving on.
What is worrisome is that you think you may have an STD because you've been having unprotected sex with her. I'm going to give you the nagging "mom lecture" here - unless you're married to her, don't ever sleep with a woman unprotected, even if if she says she's on the pill. Pills fail and women can lie. "Pulling out" has an extremely high failure rate. Imagine getting an incurable STD, or just as bad, getting her pregnant, which in that case, you'll have to deal with her for the next 18 years. Is all that worth the convenience of unprotected sex and so you can get a bit more enjoyment? Cover up your !
Heartbreak is terrible, and I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make. Get yourself tested immediately, and stay safe.
"Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa
June 22nd, 2006 08:34 PM
Hey...the guy is having a personal problem & this is the off~topic area of the forum ~ he posted his questions and concerns in the correct forum area...cut the guy a break will ya?
Liberty Over Tyranny Μολὼν λαβέ
June 22nd, 2006 08:57 PM
It's about 9 inches tall in a lot of places. Most are made of concrete. Put your 38yo former GF there ASAP.
I mean if your favorite 1911 or AR were acting like that you wouldn't tolerate it right?
Procrastinators are the leaders of tomorrow.
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