Uncertainty of the English language

Uncertainty of the English language

This is a discussion on Uncertainty of the English language within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS (Or the uncertainty of the English language) A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where ...

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Thread: Uncertainty of the English language

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Talking Uncertainty of the English language

    DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS (Or the uncertainty of the English language)

    A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
    The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
    1. The DNA all matches.
    2. There are no dental records.
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    A Blondie calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
    'Thank you,' the Blondie says and hangs up.
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
    'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
    'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
    'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'
    'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
    Joe: 'Really?'
    Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
    ----------------------------------------------------------
    A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.
    'What did he say,' asked the nurse.
    'Oops!'
    ------------------------------------------------------------
    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.
    .................................................. .......................
    The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century


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    VIP Member Array HKinNY's Avatar
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    and the fight started

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