Best Resignation Letter Ever Written

This is a discussion on Best Resignation Letter Ever Written within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Following is a supposed letter of resignation from an employee at a computer company, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards! It\'s Funny, ...

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    Best Resignation Letter Ever Written

    Following is a supposed letter of resignation from an employee at a
    computer company, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon
    afterwards! It\'s Funny, but a bit harsh.


    Dear Mr. Smith,

    As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
    basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
    intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
    consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the
    commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
    true genetic wastes of our time.

    Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
    everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a
    waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I
    know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to
    provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
    attempt to understand the concept of \"cut and paste\" for the hundredth time.

    You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
    binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why
    people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I
    am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your
    shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

    You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
    others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
    worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
    you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for
    your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the
    blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.

    Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this
    situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy
    reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few
    parting thoughts.

    1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for
    you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is \"I
    prefer not to comment.\" I will have friends randomly call you over the next
    couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to
    do it on your own.

    2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know
    every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
    cute, I am going to publish your \"favorites list\", which I conveniently
    saved when you made me \"back up\" your useless files. I do believe that
    terms like \"Lolita\" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

    3. When you borrowed the digital camera to \"take pictures of your
    Mother\'s birthday,\" you neglected to mention that you were going to take
    pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like
    the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such
    odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
    and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
    recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct
    your mistakes.)

    Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my
    desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
    little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f***
    with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with
    all that free time!

    Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
    Cecelia

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