An actual personal ad

An actual personal ad

This is a discussion on An actual personal ad within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Don't know if this actually true or not...still a funny story! AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me InDowntown Savannah ...

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Thread: An actual personal ad

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array orangevol's Avatar
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    An actual personal ad

    Don't know if this actually true or not...still a funny story!

    AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD

    To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me InDowntown Savannah night before last.

    Date: 2010-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

    I was the guy wearing the black Bur berry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

    First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ...45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

    I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

    After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

    I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

    I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

    Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

    The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

    In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you, but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

    Thoughtfully yours,

    Alex
    Proud NRA member


  2. #2
    Member Array PaxMentis's Avatar
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    I've seen it perhaps 10-15 times from various media over the past 5 years or so.

    But it is funny :)
    Gun Control: The theory that a woman found dead in an alley, raped and strangled with her panty hose, is somehow morally superior to a woman explaining to police how her attacker got that fatal bullet wound.

    -- L. Neil Smith

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array DaveJay's Avatar
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    Been around a while...I don't know if it's real...but it is real funnie...

    This version has been updated a little...

    Still, an oldie but goodie...
    VCDL Member
    "Let us speak courteously, deal fairly, and keep ourselves armed and ready."
    Theodore Roosevelt

  4. #4
    Ex Member Array Treo's Avatar
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    Debunked several times an the "poster" turns from victim to criminal about halfway through

  5. #5
    Distinguished Member Array orangevol's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Treo View Post
    Debunked several times an the "poster" turns from victim to criminal about halfway through
    Treo...my thoughts too. I've read similiar stories, but 1st time seeing this version. Like I said, just funny reading if you create a visual image of all this happening.
    Proud NRA member

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    VIP Member Array Guantes's Avatar
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    Nothing like admitting your crimes in the printed media.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array DUNDEM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guantes View Post
    Nothing like admitting your crimes in the printed media.
    +1 Very foolish. I doubt a thief like that is reading anything to even see the add...lol.

  8. #8
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    CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by GunnyBunny View Post
    Many, Many times over.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

  10. #10
    Member Array Shackleton's Avatar
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    I've seen something like this, and they never cease being funny! Only in jest of course.
    Semper Paratus

    ‎"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - George Orwell

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